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  #1  
Old 09/28/2004, 5:10 PM
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Default Stuart Gets Lost (#403)

STUART GETS LOST (#403)
Sketch length - 4:45

Stuart Larkin.................MICHAEL MCDONALD
Doreen Larkin...............MO COLLINS
Policeman #1................ANDREW BOWEN
Policeman #2................PAT KILBANE

DOREEN (running in): Hello, I’m Mrs. Larkin, I came as soon as I heard you found my son, is he alright?

POLICEMAN #2: Oh, yeah, the big handsome one. Yeah, he’s fine.

DOREEN: Oh, I had him with me the whole time. He was holding my hand all throughout the Chess King, but somehow he slipped away. I’ve been worried sick! I’m so glad you found him!

POLICEMAN #2: Well, uh, I’ll go get him for you.

DOREEN: No, that’s alright. STUART! Stuart, honey, it’s mama! Come on, let’s go!

Stuart exits.

DOREEN: Stuart, come here.

STUART: No, I don’t want to.



DOREEN: Stuart! Come here.

STUART: No, I don’t want to.

DOREEN: Stuart, you come here right now!

He walks towards her.

DOREEN (cont’d): Where were you?

STUART: I was in the back, playing cards.

DOREEN: You let my son play cards?

POLICEMAN #2: Yeah, we’re real naughty here.

DOREEN: Stuart, you had me worried sick.



STUART: Don’t!

DOREEN: Stop dawdling, now come on.

STUART: Don’t!

DOREEN: Come on, it’s time to go home, let’s go.

STUART: No, I wanna stay and play cards.

DOREEN: Absolutely not. What did mama tell you about playing cards?

STUART: Only dirty people play cards.

DOREEN: That’s right, now let’s go.

STUART: Don’t!

DOREEN (pulling him along): Thanks so much for finding him, officers. Come on, Stuart, let’s go.

POLICEMAN #1: Before you go, Larkin, we have a little bit of an outstanding matter here.

DOREEN: Outstanding matter?

POLICEMAN #1: Yeah, it seems that little Stuart here acquired something during his travels here at the mall.

POLICEMAN #2: Stuart, why don’t you show your mom what we found?

He slowly walks back to the back room, but stops right at the door.

STUART: Look what I can do.

He does a quick little dance.

DOREEN: I can’t stay mad at him. Of course, he’s all my responsibility now. His father left us Tuesday.

POLICEMAN #1: Sorry.

POLICEMAN #2: I’m shocked.

DOREEN: I bet you can imagine how hard it is to say ‘no’ to him, he’s such a cute boy!

Stuart exits wearing a blue speedo.

DOREEN: Stuart, where did you get that bathing suit?

STUART: I don’t want to say!

DOREEN: Stuart, where did you get that suit?

STUART: I don’t wanna say!

POLICEMAN #2: He set the alarm off as he was leaving Marshalls.

POLICEMAN #1: Yeah, they were going to book him for shoplifting, but they, uh, felt sorry for him.

DOREEN: Sorry? Why? I mean, why would they feel sorry for him? Stuart, what did I tell you about shop- oh, he’s laying on the floor! Look at that!



Stuart lays on the floor in a crawl-like position, one that we will become familiar with in future Stuart sketches.

DOREEN: Isn’t that cute? Stuart, what does mama say about the shoplifters?

STUART (kicking): Don’t!

DOREEN: What does mama say about the shop lifters?

STUART: Don’t! I don’t wanna say.

DOREEN: What does mama say about the shoplifters?

STUART: I can’t hear you.

DOREEN: What does mama say?

STUART (after pause): Shoplifters are dirty people with dirty hands.

DOREEN: Now you go back in there and take that off. We’re going right back to Marshall’s to return it. Go!

STUART: Don’t! I wanna wear it home!

DOREEN: Stuart, no! That suit does not belong to you!

STUART: Don’t!

DOREEN (increasing pitch): Stuart, I want you to take that off right now before you get your goo-goo all over it!

He stands still at the door for a minute.

STUART: Look what I can do.

A quick little move before entering the back room again.

DOREEN: I’m sorry about all the trouble Stuart has caused. I swear, the more I ride him the more he resists!

POLICEMAN #1: Kids.

POLICEMAN #2: What are you gonna do?

DOREEN (while Stuart exits, normally dressed): Stuart, you give that suit to the police officers now because you got your goo-goo all over it.

Stuart puts the bathing suit right in policeman #2’s face.

POLICEMAN #2: No...uh...why, why don’t you keep it? Give it to your mom.

STUART: It’s dirty, I don’t want it. I got my goo-goo all over it.



DOREEN: Stuart, what’s that you have in your hand?

STUART (pulling other hand out from behind back): It’s a Fudgesicle.

DOREEN: What does mama say about the Fudgesicles?

STUART: I don’t want to say!

DOREEN: What does mama say?

STUART: I don’t wanna say!

DOREEN: Say it!

STUART: Let me tell you! (pause) Fudgesicles look like frozen poop.

DOREEN: That’s right. Now, doesn’t that look like frozen poop?

POLICEMAN #1: I always thought that.

DOREEN: Come on, Stuart. We’re going to go throw that away.

STUART: No, I wanna stay!

DOREEN: Come on, Stuart, we gotta go!

STUART: Let me stay, let me stay!

DOREEN: Come on, we gotta go throw that poop away.

STUART: No, I wanna stay!

DOREEN: Come on, Stuart, come on, come on!



Stuart shoves the entire Fudgesicle into his mouth and drops the stick as Doreen pulls him away.

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Last edited by MJB12; 10/26/2004 at 2:25 PM.
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  #2  
Old 09/28/2004, 5:24 PM
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I'm back, bitchesss!
 
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this episode just came on.

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Old 09/28/2004, 9:09 PM
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Hmm...do you maybe see a correlation?

Pictures coming tomorrow, y'all. Enjoy.

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View Post Old 09/28/2004, 10:59 PM
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  #5  
Old 10/26/2004, 2:27 PM
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Pictures added. Since this is the first Stuart sketch ever, I made larger caps than usual.

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  #6  
Old 09/16/2005, 6:13 PM
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Default Re: Stuart Gets Lost (#403)

Quote:
Originally posted by MJB12
Stuart exits.
Shouldn't that be, "Stuart enters"?
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  #7  
Old 11/12/2005, 8:53 PM
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Well, he's exiting from the room she's yelling in to. He does enter into the room where the sketch takes place, but Doreen yells for him to exit from the back room, which is what he does.

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