[MADtv] Anna Nicole Commercial Countdown #4 (#821)

[Texas]

Anna Nicole Smith: Stephnie Weir


Bobby Trendy: Bobby Lee


Ryan Bud Blusutchie: Paul Vogt


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(Fade in to Bud swirling two pieces of paper around in a large glass bowel with his hand while, Anna, who is holding a COMPLETLEY different “Howard”, and Bobby watch)



Bud: Celebrities, it’s time for our raffle, to see who gets this lovely door prize! (He takes a stitched throw pillow off of the sales rack behind him and holds it up)

Anna Nicole and Bobby: Ohhhhhhh!

Anna Nicole: I love that!



Bud: Yes, this needlepoint pillow, it’s lovely… (He puts it back) Alright, here we go! (Bud starts to stir the raffle tickets around with his hand) Here we go! Im not looking, Im not looking- Ok, 9

Anna Nicole and Bobby: Oh!

Bud: 1

(Anna and Bobby jump up and down excitedly)

Bobby: Haha!

Bud: 9

Anna Nicole: OH!

Bud: 0-0-3!



(There’s a long pause while Bobby and Anna look at their tickets in confusion)



(Bud starts over again)

Bud: 9-1-9

(Bobby and Anna start to get back into it, jumping up and down once more)

Anna Nicole: Oh! Oh!

Bud: 0-0

Bobby: Haha!

Anna Nicole: Woo!

Bud: 3!

(Another long pause)

Anna Nicole: Do three’s go this way (She makes a three in the air with her finger) or this way? (She makes a backwards three in the air)

Bud: (He makes a correct three in the air) That way-



Anna Nicole: YAY! OH! I WON! I WON!!!!

(Anna jumps around happily while Bobby gets pissed off and tries to grab her ticket)

Bobby: YOU CHEATED! YOU CHEATED!

(They start to slap at each other)

Anna Nicole: I did not cheat!

Bobby: (After he gets slapped) OW! OW!

Anna Nicole: Gimme’ my pillow!

Bobby: OW! OW! OW!

Anna Nicole: Gimme’ my pillow!

(Bud hands her the pillow and she smacks Bobby powerfully with it, knocking him to the ground)

Anna Nicole: (Angrily) OH!!!

Bud: (In surprise) Oh!



(Cut to Bud sitting at a table next to Anna with three cups on it)



Bud: Anna Nicole Smith?

Anna Nicole: Yes, butt? (She smiles at her own joke)

Bud: Would you like to take the “Celebrity Taste Test Challenge”?

Anna Nicole: Try me!

Bud: Ok, you’ve got two minutes to tell me what’s in each one of these cups. Go!

(Bud stares at his watch as Anna starts to go, rather quickly, through each cup)

Anna Nicole: Ok… (She takes a sip from the first cup) Oh! “Hidden Valley: Creamy Ranch Dressing”!

Bud: Yes.



Anna Nicole: (She takes a sip from the next cup) “Old Bushmills”!

Bud: Yes.



Anna Nicole: (After taking a drink from the final cup) “2,000 Flushes”!



Bud: (Surprised) Yes! Nobody ever gets that last one…

(Anna starts to do a victory dance)



(Cut to Anna, with the “wrong Howard” walking down an aisle of pots and vases)



Anna Nicole: And now, for MADtv’s number one commercial parody! (She holds up the vase) Are ya’ excited How- YOU’RE NOT HOWARD!



(Anna looks around in a panic)

Anna Nicole: Howard?! I lost Howard!

(Anna starts to search through the shelves, looking for Howard)



Anna Nicole: (Calling out to him, as if he’ll answer her) Where are ya’ Howard?! Howard?! Where did ya’ go?!

(She finally finds him on top of a shelf)



Anna Nicole: HOWARD! (She shakes him in aggravation as she’s talking to him and his top falls off) Oh! Howard, you lost your hat! (She bends down to pick it up, letting Howard tip slightly, spilling his ashes everywhere) Do you see what happens whenever you get away from me in the store?! I told you!



(Anna bends down and starts to pick up what ashes she can get and puts them back in the urn)



Anna Nicole: Cleanup! In aisle- What aisle? (She looks up and checks what aisle she’s in) In aisle ten! (Frustrated, she starts to gets up. Anna points at Howard, deciding to teach him a lesson) Alright, I’ma leave your ass here, literally! (Anna starts to walk away laughing, with what’s left of Howard in his urn)



FADE TO BLACK