[MADtv] Antonia: Trainee (#216)

[elscorcho]

Nicole Sullivan – Antonia Timmens
Phil Lamarr – Trainer
Debra Wilson – Customer


(Scene opens, Antonia and her trainer are behind the counter)

Trainer: So you’re clear on how our deep fryer works?

Antonia: Yes

Trainer: Do you have any more questions about our procedure?

Antonia: No

Trainer: Ok!

Antonia: OK…

(Customer enters and approaches the counter)

Trainer: Welcome to World of Eats! How may we help you?

Customer: Uh, lets see…

Trainer: Actually, you know what? I’m gonna let our trainee take your order.

Customer: Ok. Um, I’ll have a leaning tower of pizza burger, with extra cheese…

(Antonia turns around and grabs a burger)

Customer: And can I have, I guess a large order of fries…

(Antonia unwraps the burger and takes a bite out of it)

Trainer: Oh! Ok, I’m gonna stop you there…don’t take a bite of her burger, just place it on the tray.

(Antonia places the burger on the counter)

Trainer: Do you think she wants that burger?

Antonia: Yes

Trainer: Do you like eating food that someone else has bitten?

Antonia: No

(Antonia takes the burger away, turns around, and gets another burger and places it on the counter)

Trainer: OK, now what’s missing?

Antonia: Oh

(Antonia grabs a tray and places it on top of the burger)

Trainer: Ahh, but is the burger on the tray, or is the tray on the burger?

Antonia: I see

(Antonia puts the burger on the tray)

Trainer: (to customer) Forgive her, she’s just a trainee.

Customer: Oh, forget it. I’m going through the same thing at the hospital. Uh, can I have a large order of fries?

(Antonia turns and gets a container of fries, and shakes the container wildly, spilling fries everywhere)

Trainer: Ok. Good start…I mean, good speed getting the fries, but does the customer have her fries now?

Antonia: Uh…No

Trainer: And do you remember how effective placing the burger on the tray was, as far as her actually getting her food?

Antonia: Yes

Trainer: Ok, with fries, it’s the same thing. Do you think you could remember to do the exact same thing?

Antonia: Es posible

Customer: Ok, and can I have a large orange drink?

(Antonia turns and gets a drink, then squeezes it. All of the liquid spills out, and she puts the straw in her mouth and starts blowing through it)

Trainer: All right, all right. Ok, ok. You panicked that time, didn’t you?

Antonia: Yes

Trainer: Remember, drinks are the same as fries: on the tray.

Antonia: Yes, I understand

Customer: Ok, how much?

(Antonia looks confused. She opens the register and pulls out all of the money and holds it up)

Antonia: This much?

(The customer looks at Antonia, then at the trainer. She then grabs the money out of Antonia’s hand, and runs out of the restaurant)

Trainer: Now we don’t have any money…

Antonia: Ok

Trainer: So we get to go home early! Perfect!

Antonia: Yes!

Trainer: NO!

Antonia: No!

Trainer: Not perfect…wrong!

Antonia: Wrong!

Trainer: This is a business. We exchange goods and services for money. If we don’t have money, we can’t do business.

Antonia: Ok

Trainer: You know what? Forget this. Let’s just call it a day, get some sleep, and we’ll try it again tomorrow.

(Antonia climbs on the counter and lays down, with her head on the hamburger)

Trainer: Is that your bed?

Antonia: No

Trainer: Then why are you sleeping there??

Antonia: I don’t know…

Trainer: (Shakes his head) Good night. (He turns off the lights and heads out the door)

Antonia: Bonsior!


Download sketch here

[MJB12]

YES!

[Knickers]

This sounds soo funny! Future SOTW?

[MJB12]

Yes, this is one of my favorite Antonia sketches.