[MADtv] Antonia: Heart Attack (#325)

[newt007]

Antonia- Nicole Sullivan
Dealer- Phil LaMarr


(Antonia is siting in a blackjack table with cards in her hands)

Antonia: Hit me!

Dealer: You know, you've got 20 cards there.

Antonia: Yess.

Dealer: The object of Blackjack is for the cards to add up to 21 or less.

Antonia: Hit me!

Dealer: Look, the only way those cards could possibly add up to 21 or less is if they're all aces and they're not all aces, are they?

Antonia: (looks at cards carefully) No.

Dealer: Yeah, I didn't think so. Let me see what you got.

(Antonia puts down cards)

Dealer: Ah, well, there you go, you've got over a hundred.

Antonia: Blackjack!

Dealer: Do you wanna be a professional casino dealer?

Antonia: Yess.

Dealer: Well, then, pay attention.

Antonia: Okee.

Dealer: Now, blackjack is what number?

Antonia: Blackjack.

Dealer: This is hopeless. Is it getting hot in here to you?

Antonia: Okee.

Dealer: Huh... gonna open a window or somethin'. (walks out from behind table and walks to middle of room and starts to struggle) Ah! Oh God! My heart! (falls to floor)

Antonia: Okay!

Dealer: No! It's not okay. AHH! I need my pills. They're, in my briefcase.

Antonia: Why??

Dealer: Why? Why what? What're you-- look, I need my pills, you gotta get me my- my briefcase is on the desk.

Antonia: Okay. (doesn't move)

Dealer: I need my heart medicine. My heart medicine is in that briefcase.

Antonia: Sure. (walks to the dealer and tries to lift him over to the desk) Come here.

Dealer: What're you- What're you doin'? Stop, Stop, Stop. Ah- God.

(Antonia lets go)

Dealer: You gotta bring the briecase to me.

Antonia: Oh... (picks up briefcase) Got the briefcase. (begins to walk out the room)

Dealer: Where are you going? No, no, no. Bring it here and open it up.

Antonia: (walks back and tries to open it but can't) It's broke.

Dealer: Must be locked. All right, the combination is 8-6-2-1.

Antonia: (does combination) 8...6...

Dealer: 2-1!!

Antonia: Blackjack!

Dealer: Ah! I'm gonna die. Oh, look at that. My whole life flashing before my eyes. (Has a flashback of past times with Antonia) All those times, all those years. Everytime, it's the same person, Antonia. It was you, it's your fault. You're the reason I'm dying! (ends flashback and has Heart pills in hand) My pills! (puts pills in mouth) Oh my god. She got it opened. Oh, I don't believe it. She actually saved my life. Oh, why are we so quick to judge people? Antonia... (stands up) I'm sorry. The next time we meet, it'll be different, I promise you. I'll be different. Not so quick to anger.

Antonia: (sneaks from behind) Okay.

Dealer: AHHH!! (suprised and throws pills) Damn it, don't-- AH! (grabs chest) Oh, god, my heart. (falls to ground and cards fall down too)

Antonia: (points to cards) Blackjack!





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