[MADtv] Antonia: Help Wanted (#613)

[newt007]

Antonia- Nicole Sullivan
Boss- Alex Borstein


Boss: (walks out of the store with a blank poster board and marker) Okay, come here a second. Just wanna show you one thing.

(Antonia does not walk out)

Boss: I need a sign that-- (looks in window and knocks on it) Hello?

Antonia: (walks out) Hello.

Boss: Okay. Is everything okay?

Antonia: Yess.

Boss: It's Antonia, right?

Antonia: Yess.

Boss: Doug spoke very highly of your work. Said you were one of a kind.

Antonia: Hooray!

Boss: Fantastic. I like that. Um, okay, this should be easy. A marker, some paper. I need you to make a sign that says "Help Wanted. Apply Within". And just tack it up on the window there. 'Kay? (hands poster and marker)

Antonia: Okay.

Boss: Great. I'll be back in an hour or so.

Antonia: See you later, Alligator.

Boss: Sure.

(Later...)

(Sign says: Help) (Boss comes back)

Boss: Help.

Antonia: Yess.

Boss: You know, you're gonna have to redo that, don't ya?

Antonia: Yess.

Boss: Yeah, it's supposed to say "Help wanted. Apply Within".

Antonia: Ohh.

Boss: Okay, so, redo that, and don't take too long, 'cause I got a bunch of other stuff I want you to get into. Okay?

Antonia: Okay. (gives a thumbs up)

(Boss gives a thumbs up, then walks away)

(Later...)

(Sign now says: help wanted Apples within.)

Boss: Yeah, yeah. That's very close. But, it's not quite right, is it?

Antonia: I don't know.

Boss: It's not. We have no apples within.

Antonia: That's sad.

Boss: Yeah, it is. It's sad. It's also not the point, Antonia. Okay, the sign needs to say "Help Wanted. Apply within", not Apples within.

Antonia: Okay.

Boss: Yeah, small mistake. No biggie. You can do it, okay?

Antonia: Ay Ay, Captain! (salutes)

(Boss walks away)

(Later...)

(Sign now says: No apples. )

Boss: (walks out) Interesting.

Antonia: Thank you.

Boss: It's not really, Good interesting, Antonia.

Antonia: Oh.

Boss: Do you want someone else to do this?

Antonia: No.

Boss: Help Wanted. Apply Within. Shall I write it down?

Antonia: Help Wanted. Apply within.

Boss: Yes.

Antonia: Help is wanted. Applying in would be appreciated. We need your help. You need to apply within. Please help us by applying within--

Boss: Okay, Help Wanted. Apply Within. That'll be just fine. 'Kay? And this time, how 'bout we get it right? Just for kicks. (gives two thumbs up)

Antonia: Smokin'!!

(Later...)

(Sign says: This one's wrong, too)

Boss: It's weird that I don't fire you, isn't it?

Antonia: A bit.

Boss: Do you know why I'm not firing you?

Antonia: I have a cat named C.C.?

Boss: That's a good guess, though. But, I'm not firing you because I think you're tryin' to screw with me. Think this is some kind of weird sick little mind game and want me to fire you.

Antonia: Ready... Aim... Fire... (about to write on Boss's nose)

Boss: (stops her) You can play this game. You take your best shot, sister. I will be back in 5 minutes.

Antonia: Cinco minotes.

Boss: What did you say to me?

Antonia: Nothing. Scary lady...

(Later...)

(Boss runs out of store)

Boss: Times up. Times up. (looks around for Antonia, but can't find her. Then looks at sign and Antonia is on the sign, shrugging her shoulders)

Antonia: (on the sign and looks at Boss) Help Wanted. Apply within. (points to store)

Boss: (frightened) She's a witch. She's a witch. (runs away in fear)

Antonia: (on sign) I am the winner!!

(music starts and Antonia begins to dance)



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