[MADtv] Nicole Sullivan, Will Sasso (Shit My Dad Says: "Pilot")

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Cast:

Henry Goodson: Jonathan Sadowski
Edison "Ed" Goodson III: William Shatner
Bonnie Goodson: Nicole Sullivan
Vince Goodson: Will Sasso

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Legend:

(When something is in brackets and italicized, that means that it is a descriptive moment).

When [...] is seen, that means that the scene is switching to a scene that either Nicole or Will is in.

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Plot:

Will Sasso and Nicole Sullivan play Vince and Bonnie Goodson. Vince is the son of their loud mouth and boorish war veteran Edison "Ed" Goodson III, played by William Shatner. Bonnie is Vince's devoted wife. They are both real estate sales people who make a lot of money on local properties.

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Note:

This transcript will only involve sections that involve either Nicole or Will (names included).

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Transcript:

(It is morning. Vince and Bonnie enter through the front door).

Bonnie Goodson: Knock knock.

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Shut the door.

Bonnie Goodson: How bout hi?

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Hi, shut the door.

Henry Goodson: Look at this. San Diego's king and queen of condos.

Vince Goodson: It's not like we have 3 townhouses in Escrow. We have 4.

Bonnie Goodson: Including one that had a murder in it. Waz up!

(Vince and Bonnie do a windmill high five, fist bump, and hand shoot).



Bonnie Goodson: Oh no no Ed, don't get up for your daughter-in-law, I'm only holding 20 pounds of your groceries.

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Did you get my fibre bars?

Bonnie Goodson: Yes.

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Did you get my fibre bread?

Bonnie Goodson: Of course

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Did you get my high fibre pasta?

Bonnie Goodson (Off-Screen): Yes, you'll feel very happy (On-Screen) Ed, It'll feel like your pulling a ship yard rope through your intestines.

Vince Goodson: Henry (Off-Screen) come here (On-Screen. Henry gets up to hug Vince. Ed goes to the kitchen). Come on. Come hug your brother from another mother (They hug).

Henry Goodson: What's up bitch?

Bonnie Goodson: So how are things at the magazine?

Henry Goodson: Ha, I got laid off, and dad doesn't know.

(Ed enters).

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Dad doesn't know what?

Henry Goodson: How hungry I am.

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Dad doesn't care.

(Henry leaves for the kitchen).

Bonnie Goodson: I see the uh, manuals out, I'm glad you've been studying.

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Yeah, I've been studying, but you know it's hard to retain. You get older, the stuff you want to keep in you flows out of you the stuff you want to flow out of you stays in you.

Bonnie Goodson: Lovely sentiment. Um, I'm sure you’re going to pass Ed.

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Well I have to pass because if I don't I won't be able to drive, and I'll be stranded out here all by myself.

Vince Goodson:Pop (pat's Ed on the back). You know you can always come live with us right Bonnie.



Bonnie Goodson: I'm sorry you guys what now?

Edison "Ed" Goodson III (Ed gets up and starts walking to the bathroom): Well that's something to think about.

Vince Goodson: Where are you going?

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: Where I do all my thinking.

Bonnie Goodson: You crazy?! You just asked him to move in with us?!



Vince Goodson: Honey, come on relax. It's just something you say. He's not going to take us up on the offer.

Bonnie Goodson: What if he does. Can you imagine him living in our condo?!

Think about it. Think about our sex life. All the high pitched squealing, all the weeping. You wouldn't be able to do that anymore (Vince and Bonnie enter the kitchen. To Henry). So what happened with the job?

Henry Goodson: Magazine went under. I got laid off. I'm broke. I went through all my savings, and now I have to borrow money from dad, and I don't know how the hell I'm going to do it.



Vince Goodson: What's the big deal? Just ask him.

Henry Goodson: I keep trying. But every time I try to ask him I... I just feel like I'm going to disappoint him.

Bonnie Goodson (Sincerely): Henry, he's your father (sincerity ends). Of course you’re going to disappoint him. Mother Teresa would disappoint him.

Henry Goodson: She did. Remember when he met her Vin (Vince puts some of the groceries away)? He said it was like talking to a fig wrapped in a napkin.

Vince Goodson: You know I don't see what the big deal is. So you disappoint him so what? I disappoint him any minute of every day.

Henry Goodson: It's different with you Vince. You grew up with dad. I don't have a relationship with the guy.



Vince Goodson (Off-Screen): Well is that what you want?

Henry Goodson (On-Screen): I didn't think so, but then I see him and... Yeah I guess I do. I just wish he gave a crap.

Vince Goodson (Off-Screen): Henry (On-Screen), what exactly are you looking for?



Henry Goodson:... Anything. Just, just something to show his relationship with me.

Bonnie Goodson: Like what? What, what, you want him to play Peter Gabriel from a boom box outside your window? I don't know.

Henry Goodson: Just a gesture. Any kind of gesture.



Bonnie Goodson: Ok I got news for you Henry. The only gesture your father makes is when someone cuts him off on the freeway. The gesture you're looking for aint happening. So you just got to be nice to him. Ask him for the money. Restart your life.

(Henry sighs)

[...]

(Vince and Bonnie are sitting on the couch with Ed on the recliner).

Edison "Ed" Goodson III: You know Henry said something that's got me thinking. I'm all alone out here, riddling around this old house. So you know I thought I'd sell the place, take up your offer and come live with you. What do you think?

(Vince and Bonnie stare in shock from behind their coffee mugs

spit coffee back into cups. Start talking gibberish. Gibberish ends). I could take the guest room at the back of the house. You wouldn't even know I was there. (Gibberish between Vince and Bonnie begins again).

I would help with the mortgage payments and um, my share of the expenses. (Gibberish between Vince and Bonnie begins again

Ed gets up). Although I would miss this house. My things are here. The garden. So uh, thanks for the offer but I'm not going to come live with you.

Bonnie Goodson: Oh are you sure Ed because we have that extra room.



[...]

(Transcript ends).

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Just so everyone knows. This was just a one time thing. I just thought I'd do at least one but I'm too busy already with things to do here to make this a weekly thing. If anyone else wants to do this they can, but I'm just saying I won't.

[potroastpig]

Nicole was brilliant as always, Will was good too, and the guy playing the other son, but I don't normally like too many laugh track shows, and I didn't find the scene's w/o Will + Nicole that funny. Hope it improves next week.

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I'm ok with laugh tracks if they are used right. There are some shows that just overuse the laugh track and make it sound bad, but a show that has funny moments and uses the laugh track at a good volume and at the right times can not only be good for a show but can make the show better.

I didn't find the scenes without Nicole and Will very funny either, but I kind of liked it that they showed that Henry is just a guy who wants a relationship with his astranged father. I didn't mind that. Once they start really getting into living together, the comedy should be better.