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#1
10/22/2002, 11:59 AM
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Antonia - Anti Suicide Hotline (#315)
Well I was bored at work today, so here goes my first sketch transcript...
Antonia - Anti Suicide Hotline Season 3, episode #315 Characters: Antonia - Nicole Sullivan Hotline Worker - Phil Lamarr Training Suicide Caller (TSC) - Phil Lamarr Real Suicide Caller (RSC) - Will Sasso ------ Sketch Begins... Antonia is sitting behind a desk with a telephone... Telephone rings... Antonia answers the phone Antonia: Yess? TSC: Is this the Anti Suicide Hotline? Antonia: Yess? TSC: I don't know what to do, I don't have any friends. I'm worthless... Antonia: Okeee... TSC: I have a bottle of vodka, and a bunch of barbituates, I'm just gonna take them! Antonia: Okeee... Hotline worker puts down his phone... Hotline Worker: Okaaaay... Antonia, let me ask you this... If that had been a real call, what do you think would have happened? Antonia: I don't know. Hotline Worker: Well, frankly it would have been very very bad. Antonia: Oh, that's sad. Hotline Worker: Yes, it is... See, what you have to remember is that here at the Anti Suicide Hotline, we just say "No". We try to stop people from comitting suicide. Antonia: Ohhh? Hotline Worker: Lets try another practice call. Hotline Worker picks up the phone and dials, Antonia's phone rings, she picks it up... Antonia: Anti Suicide Hotline? TSC: I've got a gun to my head, give me one good reason why I shouldn't pull the trigger? Antonia: Nooo... Hotline Worker puts down his phone again, seems quite stumped and disappointed. Hotline Worker: That was better... Umm, but... when I said that we here at the Anti Suicide Hotline say "No", I didn't mean that we just say "No", i mean... you have to talk to them... Antonia looks puzzled... Hotline Worker: Why don't we try it again? Antonia: Yess please. Hotline Worker picks up his phone again, dials, Antonia's phone rings and she picks up... Antonia: Anti Suicide Hotline? TSC: I'm on a bridge... Antonia slams the phone down, cutting off the caller... Hotline Worker looks at Antonia, then puts his phone down... Hotline Worker: You hung up! Antonia: He was on a bridge! Hotline Worker: What difference does that make? Antonia: You know... Hotline Worker: Lets go again... And you cant hang up! Hotline Worker dials, Antonia picks up... Antonia: Anti Suicide Hotline? TSC: I'm gonna kill myself... Antonia turns, looks at the Hotline Worker... Hotline Worker: (whispering) Say something... TSC makes crying noises Antonia: I have a cat named CeCe. Hotline Worker: (yelling) YOU HAVE TO STOP ME FROM COMITTING SUICIDE!!! Antonia gets up, grabs a cofee mug from the desk, swings away at the Hotline Worker's head, he grabs her hand inches away from his forehead... Hotline Worker: Whoa, whoa, whoa... What are you doing? Antonia: Stopping you... Hotliner Worker: Alright... First of all, I'm not the one really comitting suicide, and second of all, even if I was, you wouldn't be in the room with me... You have to talk to them, on the phone... Antonia points her phone towards her face... Antonia: Helloooo??? Hotline Worker: Hang up the phone... Hotline Worker: Look, Antonia, I think you just need to understand, that there are a lot of desperate people out there, and they need someone to talk to... You know, a voice in the darkness... Can you be that voice? Antonia: It es possible... Phone rings... Hotline Worker: Alright, this is for real, I'm gonna be monitoring the call, but I think you can do it, so just really really try... Antonia picks up. Antonia: Anti Suicide Hotline? RSC: My wife just left me a couple hours ago, and I've been drinking, and I think I might kill myself... Antonia: Where do you live? Hotline Worker gives Antonia thumbs up. RSC: Why? Antonia: You know... RSC: Oh, I live at 5544 Nelson Drive Antonia: Just one minute... Antonia gets up, grabs the coffee mug again, raises her hand way up high, and walks towards the door, phone still in her hand... Hotline Worker: Where are you going??? Antonia: 5544 Nelson Drive... Hotline Worker to the Real Suicide Caller still on the line Hotline Worker: Listen to me very carefully... Get out of your house NOW! Fade out... Sketch Ends... (C) HiVolt Download sketch here __________________ 
Last edited by newt007; 12/22/2004 at 8:15 PM. |
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#3
01/07/2003, 5:01 AM
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I know that this thread is a few months old, but I thought I'd respond anyways. Thanks for the transcript - this is one of my favorites if not my favorite Antonia sketch!
__________________ Matt (the OTHER one) "If you want to be a better actor - a better lawyer, doctor, teacher - anything - be a better human being." ~ Debra Wilson |
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#4
03/12/2003, 9:59 PM
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Great job! I love Antonia, she's so funny and cute.
__________________ "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so." <- You shouldn't believe everything you read. ~ Me Chris - Hey mama! ; ) |
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#6
12/20/2004, 7:36 AM
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This was the First Antonia that i ever watched and i totaly fell in love with her... Hehe
__________________ Tcha, you know what? |
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#7
01/21/2005, 8:42 PM
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if i thought about commiting suicide i would want to call that hotline and hav antonia answer cuz she always makes me laugh
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