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Old 01/14/2006, 10:45 PM
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Default Taradise (#1107)

TARADISE (#1107)
Sketch length – 1:58

Tara Reid.......................ARDEN MYRIN
Soldier/Producer............IKE BARINHOLTZ
Announcer.....................FRANK CALIENDO

(National Geographic Channel logo appears)

Announcer: You’re watching the National Geographic Channel.

(Taradise logo appears)

Tara: Hi, I’m Tara Reid, and welcome to Taradise, my show where I travel the world and you watch me party.

Tara: When E! cancelled Taradise, you might have thought that was the last call for my booze cruise, but thanks to the National Geographic Channel, we get to boot and rally! First stop (puts hand up to mouth) Fallujah! Iraq-and-roll baby! Yeah!

(Cuts to men in camo gear in Iraq)

Soldier: Go, go, go!

(Tara runs in)

Tara: Woh! Hotties with bodies, but the military look is just so 2004.

(Soldier grabs Tara)

Soldier: Get down! We’re looking for insurgents.

Tara: Oh my god, I have the best plastic insurgent, I’ll give you his number. Hey, where are the tranny bars around here?

Soldier: It’s a Muslim country, alcohol is banned.

Tara (excited): Oh my god! That is crazy! Good thing my implants are filled with Grey Goose Vodka.

(Tara pulls out a straw, sticks it into her chest, and starts sucking)

Tara: Oh yeah! Mm… mmm! (to Soldier): Want some?

Soldier: No.

Tara: I told you I had an awesome insurgent! This place is the bomb!

(Soldiers run away and take cover, while Tara runs in the open and gets shot)

(Cuts back to Taradise logo)

Tara: Tune in next week, when we go… (confused) …where we goin’?

Producer: We’re cancelled.

Tara: Tune in next week when we go to exotic Port Sea of Can-saled.

Producer: No, we’re cancelled.

Tara: We’re cancelled? Again? Okay, that blows. Maybe we’ll get picked up on Nickelodeon! I haven’t partied with fourth graders since I was in kindergarten! Woo! (shakes head wildly)

(cuts to National Geographic Channel logo)

Last edited by nick; 01/17/2006 at 7:47 AM.
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