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  #1  
Old 07/27/2004, 5:19 PM
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MJB12 Male MJB12 is offline
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Default Stuart: Christmas Pageant (#411)

Stuart: Christmas Pageant (#411)

Sister Francis......................DEBRA WILSON
Doreen Larkin.....................MO COLLINS
Stuart Larkin.......................MICHAEL MCDONALD
Wiseman #1........................WILL SASSO

FRANCIS: Oh, Mrs. Larkin, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you stepping in to help us. Little Bobby McCoy has the chicken pox, and if your son weren’t available to fill in, we’d have to put on a Christmas play tonight with no Baby Jesus!

DOREEN: Oh, we’re just so happy to help out, and my son is so excited to play the Lord, our Savior.

FRANCIS: Oh, that is so wonderful. But, I’m glad, but you know, we don’t have much time until curtain, and if it’s okay, I’d like to meet your little boy so we can get started.

DOREEN: Oh, sure, he’s in the dressing room. Let me get him for ya. Stuart! Stuart, come on out and be the Baby Jesus!! Stuart!

Stuart exits, wearing a t-shirt that reads “GO AWAY”, wearing a cloth diaper, and eating some candy.



DOREEN: Well, Stuart, didn’t you hear me calling ya? Stuart, where did you get that candy bar? (pause) Where did you get that candy bar?

STUART: I found it on the floor.

DOREEN: Well, you can’t eat that. It’s filthy! Don’t-

STUART: I already licked it.

DOREEN: Stuart, don’t you dare put that in your mouth. Don’t- (he eats it) Oh! I swear, he’s going to get the diabetes and lose a leg! Now, Stuart, say ‘hi’ to Sister Francis. She’s directing the pageant.

FRANCIS (reaching out to shake hands): Well, hello, Stuart.

STUART: Don’t!!

DOREEN: Stuart, say ‘hi’ to Sister Francis.

STUART: I don’t want to!

DOREEN: Well, just say ‘hi’.

STUART: I don’t know what to say.

DOREEN: Just say ‘hello’ to the Sister, say “Hi, Sister”.

STUART: Let me do it.

DOREEN: Go on.

STUART: Let me do it. (pause) Look what I can do!

He claps twice, as well as kicking his leg up behind him. Francis claps also.

DOREEN: Oh, isn’t he talented? He’ll make the perfect Baby Jesus.

FRANCIS: Oh, well, fortunately he doesn’t have to say or do anything, just lay in the manger, and...sweetheart, you’re going to have to take the t-shirt off...

STUART: Don’t!!

FRANCIS: Sweetheart, you really have to take off-

STUART (growling): Don’t!!

DOREEN: Well, apparently that t-shirt’s not coming off. Looks like someone’s got a case of the Crabapple McNasties.

FRANCIS: Uh, that’s okay. That’s okay. Uh, Stuart. How about you lay in the manger-

STUART: Don’t!

FRANCIS: Come on, just...

DOREEN: Oh, I know what to do. You know how the song goes, Stuart. (“singing”) Away in a manger, no crib for his head...

She continues to sing, but Stuart just stares blankly at her. Michael McDonald now realizes Mo Collins has a weakness as she begins to laugh while singing.



DOREEN (angry, high pitched): Well lay down your sweet head now, Stuart!!

STUART: Let me do it.

DOREEN: Well go on.

STUART: Let me do it.

DOREEN: Well go on and lay down there, Stuart!

STUART: I haven’t decided which way!

He slowly sets himself down, his rear end sticking upwards.

DOREEN: Oh, isn’t he cute!

FRANCIS (“truthfully”): Yes...adorable. (pause) But, we’ve got to get going. If we could get the First Wiseman on stage, please. Okay, terrific, um...do me a favor. Just take it from the part where you give Baby Jesus your gift.

WISEMAN: Alright. (in character) I am on of the Three Wisemen. I come with a gift for the newborn baby. Our Lord and Savior. (gives gift).

STUART (kicking him away): Don’t!



DOREEN: Oh, Stuart. Now look what you did there!

WISEMAN: That kid needs his ass kicked.

DOREEN: Oh-o-oh! Stuart, I could just crucify you!

FRANCIS: No, no, no...no crucifixions today. Everyone’s okay. You’re okay, he’s okay, everybody’s okay. You know, we’ve got to keep this moving, so...can I get everyone on stage for the finale, please. Okay, Wisemen, Joseph, Shepard. Great, terrific.

STUART: I want some candy.

FRANCIS: Not now, sweetheart. Now, let’s take it from the song of Adoration, as we rehearsed it, and...action!

They begin to sing, and crowd over Stuart, who then kicks them all away.

STUART: Don’t!!

They continue where they left off, but Stuart kicks them away again. They continue to sing, but stop a moment later, expecting a kick. No kick. They continue once more, but then Stuart kicks them away with a “Don’t!”



FRANCIS (clapping): Very good, everyone. That was very good. Stuart, honey, you’re going to have to let them adore you.

STUART (kicking her into the hay): No, you scare me!

DOREEN: Stuart, what did mama say about kicking the nun-

He kicks Doreen into the hay also.

WISEMAN: You can’t do that, this set cost money!

Stuart kicks his legs over his head, and knocks the First Wiseman into another pile of hay.

STUART (singing): Oh, come, let us adore him. (pause) Look what I can do.



He does a movement, still laying down.

----

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Last edited by MJB12; 08/29/2004 at 7:52 PM.
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  #2  
Old 08/21/2004, 1:50 PM
~StuartsCookie~ Female ~StuartsCookie~ is offline
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Default Re: Stuart: Christmas Pageant (#411)

Quote:
Originally posted by MJB12



Oh, come, let us sow him.

It's Oh Come Let Us Adore Him.

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Umm..my grandma died,my grandpa died,my dog died, my goldfish died, then my cat ate the dead fish and choked on that then died!~Stuart
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  #3  
Old 08/21/2004, 7:42 PM
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Thanks. That does make more sense, it was hard to understand. Will get screencaps up soon.

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Old 08/22/2004, 8:19 AM
~StuartsCookie~ Female ~StuartsCookie~ is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by MJB12
Thanks. That does make more sense, it was hard to understand. Will get screencaps up soon.
No Problem. Keep Up the good work!!

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Umm..my grandma died,my grandpa died,my dog died, my goldfish died, then my cat ate the dead fish and choked on that then died!~Stuart
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  #5  
Old 08/29/2004, 7:53 PM
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Screencaps added.

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  #6  
Old 03/08/2009, 6:38 PM
Century Female Century is offline
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Hey does anyone have a video copy of this? I can't seem to find it >.o
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  #7  
Old 08/18/2016, 8:05 PM
MoCollinsRules Female MoCollinsRules is offline
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So I literally just found this site. Saw Stuart back in middle school and I thought I had seen it all until now! Does anyone know where I could find a video of this skit or even the episode itself???? I mean this skit exists because there are clearly pictures!!
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