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  #1  
Old 12/16/2004, 4:08 PM
newt007's Avatar
newt007 Male newt007 is offline
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Default Bae Sung: Lady Samurai (#916)

Miss Information

Sketch Length: 5:35
Original Airdate: 02.14.04

Anna Faris ... Herself
Ike Barinholtz ... Director
Frank Caliendo ... Roger Ebert
Bobby Lee ... Bae Sung


(Anna Faris is dressed as a Samurai on a film set, practiting her moves. The audience cheers in recognition of the famous actress. The film's director walks up to her with fight scene coordinator Kwang Chen.)

Director: That is so great, Anna. That is just amazing. Nice moves.

Anna: Thank you.

Director: No, you. This is Kwang Chen. He's a samurai master. He's gonna be coordinating all of the fight scenes for the movie.

(Anna and Kwang Chen shake hands.)

Anna: Oh, great! Oh, wait, wait, wait, konichiwa.

Kwang Chen: Konichiwa. Friends are very funny.

Anna: I'm sorry?

Director: He saw you on Friends, and he thinks the show is funny.

Anna: Oh! Oh, yes, well, Friends are very funny, except for David Schwimmer.

(The director and Anna laugh, but Kwang Chen does not seem to have understood what she said.)

Anna: Oh, no. I was just kidding. It was a joke.

Director: He doesn't speak any English. So, we had to hire a translator. Where is that guy? Hey, Bae Sung!

(Bae Sung responds from the other side of the room.)

Bae Sung: Yes?

(The audience applauds in recognition of the recurring character as Bae Sung walks over to the director, Anna, and Kwang Chen.)

Director: Come here. This is Bae Sung, he's the translator.

Bae Sung: Yes, yes.

Anna: Hi.

Director: Well, I guess we're all set, s I'll be right over there. All right, have fun, guys.

(The director walks away.)

Bae Sung: Okay, yes.

(Kwang Chen speaks in Japanese to Bae Sung.)

Bae Sung: Okay, he say, like when you go limes, you know. It's like a limes. It's limes?

Anna: Limes?

Bae Sung: Yes, limes. And then, it's like peacock, you know? It's like a peacock boom! It's like a peacock boom? And then, the limes.

Anna: I'm sorry. I really... I don't understand that.

Bae Sung: Yes, yes.

(Bae Sung and Kwang Chen speak Japanese to each other, and they both walk away.)

Anna: No, wait. I'm sorry.

(Several samurai run onto the set, chasing Anna with swords. She screams and runs away from them. The director stops the samurai.)

Director: Whoa! Stop! Stop! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Anna: I'm not ready, I wasn't ready. Are those swords real 'cause they looked real? Will you ask him if those swords are real?

Director: Are those swords real? Ask him if those swords are real.

Bae Sung: Yes.

(Bae Sung speaks Japanese to Kwang Chen.)

Kwang Chen: No, no, no, no.

Anna: No?

Direcor: No.

Anna: Okay, I... I'm sorry. I didn't understand what he said.

Director: It's okay, I think we're all okay? All right. I'm gonna be right over there.

(The director walks away.)

Anna: Okay.

(Kwang Chen demonstrates Samurai moves to Anna as he speaks in Japanese to Bae Sung.)

Bae Sung: Okay, he say it's like a, um, damn it, pickles! You know? It's like damn it, pickles!

Anna: What? I'm... I don't know what that means.

Bae Sung: Yes? And then, it's like a tika tika tika tika tika tika. You know? And then, it's like a uh-oh, hot dog!

Anna: Hot dog?

Bae Sung: Yes.

Anna: Is that a Samurai term? Hot dog?

Bae Sung: Yes, yes.

(Bae Sung and Kwan Chen speak Japanese to each other, and they both walk away.)

Anna: No, wait, wait, wait! I don't know what I'm doing.

(Several Samurai run onto the set as Anna screams and runs. She causes one of them to fall into a plant.)

Anna: Oh, God! Are you okay? I didn't know what was going on!

(Kwang Chen, the director, and Bae Sung run onto the set. Kwang Chen is yelling at Anna in Japanese.)

Director: Okay, we got it. All right? All right, let's take a break, everyone. We're gonna take a little bit of a break. Tell him we're gonna take a little bit of a break. A break.

(Bae Sung speaks in Japanese to Kwang Chen. Several Samurai run onto the set, once again; and Anna accidentally stabs one of the with her sword.)

Anna: Are you all right? Oh, my gosh! I thought these swords were fake! No! I didn't know what to do! Do you speak Eglidh, do you?

Bae Sung: English? Yes. Uh-oh, hot dog!

(The Ebert & Roeper theme music plays as we cut to film critic Roger Ebert.)

Roger Ebert: I'm Roger Ebert, and our first movie review is Lady Samurai, a period piece starring Anna Faris. The film has been blasted by historians for its inaccurate scenes, such as this one where Samurai use unconventional weapons in battle.

(Cut to a clip of Lady Samurai where group of Samurai fight using hot dogs in place of swords.)

Roger Ebert: Uh, filling in for my partner, Richard Roeper, this week is foreign movie critic, Bae Sung. Bae, wht did you think of this movie?

Bae Sung: Yes. It's like a clip-clap. You know? It's like a clip-clap. And then when you put it, pie. Put it, pie, and then when you, it's like a coo coo coo coo coo. You know?

Roger Ebert: Until next week, the balcony is closed.

(The audience cheers as the sketch comes to an end.)

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  #2  
Old 02/13/2007, 6:12 PM
Tickle Me Emo Male Tickle Me Emo is offline
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One of the better Bae Sung sketches. Great job.

DAMMIT PICKLES!
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