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Old 07/29/2007, 4:02 AM
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Default Yvoone Criddle: The People's Court - Loves 'Em And Piles Of Leaves 'Em (#1010)

The People's Court: Loves 'Em And Piles Of Leaves 'Em (#1010)
Sketch Length- 4:14

Yvoone Criddle.........................Danielle Gaither
Judge Marlyn Milian...................Stephnie Weir
Elinor Sorg...............................Nicole Parker
TV Spokesmen..........................Ike Barinholtz, Ron Pederson
Reactor...................................Keegan Micheal Key
Announcer...............................Frank Calindo(?), other
Officer....................................Extra

The People's Court Music and Voiceover Starts:

Announcer(as logo appears): This is the plaintiff Yvoone Criddle. She claims the defendant threw grass and leaves onto her property because she was too lazy to bag it herself. She's suing for ten thousand dollars...
...Now entering the courtroom is defendant Elinor Sorg. She claims she raked the leaves into a pile and the wind blew them into the plaintiff's yard. This is the case of "Loves 'Em And Piles Of Leaves 'Em".

Officer: All rise! (Judge enters) The honorable Judge Marilyn Milian presiding.
Judge Milian: Please be seated. You've been sworn in and I've read your complaints; Miss Criddle, you claim that the defendant purposefully left leaves on your lawn.
Yvoone: Uh, yes yo honor, but she, uh...
Judge Milian(holds up a silencing finger): ah-uh-uh-uh....hold on. (looks at Elinor) Miss Sorg,did you do this?
Elinor: It happened one time, your honor. I raked the leaves into a pile, and the wind blew them into her yard. So I went over there, I raked the leaves and I apologized; but that wasn't good enough for her. So she called Social Services and...(starts crying)...lied about me abusing my children...and they came and took them away!
Judge Milian: Wait. What?! Miss Criddle, is this true? Did you call Social Services and lie about her abusing her children?
Yvoone(monotone/stoic): Yes I did, yo honor but she...she threw grass in my yard...so I-
Judge Milian: No no no, wait. Uhh Hold on...Hold on alright? You admit you lied to Social Services?
Yvoone: Yes, yo honor, but those leaves went all over, okay?
Judge Milian(cutting in): You know what, you know what I-...I want you to forget about the leaves, alright? Her children were taken from her!
Yvoone: Yes, I know that but there were a lot o' leaves.
Judge Milian(appaled and practically speechless): You know what, Miss Criddle? YOU...are a horrible person! Do you understand that?
Yvoone: Yes I do, yo honor....but I have allergies though and those leaves came in like that and...(continues to protest but Judge Milian interrupts her)
Judge Milian: I-well-uh-you are-you're-ts!(jumps up and lands back in her chair): You are de****able!...You are depicab-I don't think I have ever had a person in this courtroom(holds finger over her head and circles the room with it) who is as horrible as- as you, do you understand that!?
Yvoone: Yes I do, your honor. But those leaves killed my grass-(Judge Milian cuts her off again)
Judge Milian: No no no no no!(holds up a silencing finger) Stop! Stop...now here's what I want you to say...nah-eh-uh-(Yvoone begins to protest).
Yvoone: Okay well- but- now he called my house about them leaves...
Judge Milian: No no no no no! Don't you-hey! Don't interrup- (Swinging her head and scolding finger with attitude and in correlation with each syllable) Don't INTERRUPT ME!(long pause, still holding up finger) I want you to say these words. Repeat after me: I...
Yvoone: I...okay but what she-what I was about to say about the leaves is that they....
Judge Milian: Uh uh! No no no! No no no no. (holds both pointer fingers up toward eachother as she moves them in correlation with each emphasized syllable)Repeat-after-me!...I AM...
Yvoone: I am but- your honor she threw them leaves in a pile like that-
Judge Milian(losing her patience): Nooo! And only say what I'm sayin' do you-(circles finger between the two of them)do you you understand that?
Yvoone(pauses): Yes I do but her boy told me she threw them leaves over there like that...
Judge Milian(trying to talk over her): Miss Criddle- Miss- Miss Criddle, I want you to say..."I am an evil person" say it, (points finger at Yvoone)right now.
Yvoone(stoicly): I am a evil person....but she an' her husband both...(inaudible rambling)
Judge Milian: I'm throwing your case out and I am givin' the defendant ten thousand dollars.
Yvoone: Okay, yo honor but um...them leaves I'm telling you they blew like that...and I'm-
Judge Milian: I'm just- I'm sorry Mrs. Sorg, there's nothin' more I can do. I can't give you anymore.
(Elinor nods)
Yvoone: But I'm-...but I'm tellin' you them leaves blew on my lawn like that...(continues to argue)
Judge Milian: That's my final decision(bangs the gavel down and gets up to exit).

**Cut to outside of courtroom, where first TV spokesperson(Ike) is interviweing Yvoone, who is still arguing her case to herself)**
Ike: Yeah, uh Judge came down on you pretty hard in there...the judge said you were a evil person, do you think you're an evil person?
Yvoone: Yes, I do but that lad- that lady threw them leaves in my lawn like that...
Ike(rolls eyes): Alright well, we have some documents for you to sign down the hall(points her down the hall).
Yvoone(still arguing, but starts walking dwn the hall):...okay but when the wind blew them leaves...
**Cuts to outside of building, where second TV spokesperson(Ron) is interviewing a man(Keegan) who watched the case**
Ron(to camera): And so, the judge ruled in favor of the defendant, even going so far as awarding her ten thousand dollars(turning to Keegan), do you think that's fair, sir?
Keegan: Yes I do, but when them leaves came up on lawn like that...that was a...that's a- that's a miscari-
Ron: Uh- uh yeah, but you do realize that she malicisously called Social Services and had that woman's children taken away from her?
Keegan: Yes I do, but then them leaves are comin' up on her yard, and that's a miscarriage...(continues rambling while spokesperson wraps it up): Okay...okay...somebody get me a shotgun so I can blow my head off on syndicated television; this has been "The People's Court". (tosses mic over his shoulder carelessly as Keegan catches it).
Keegan(as Yvoone approaches): Ye- Yes it has, but that still don't mean that them leaves...were'nt up because them leaves was on your lawn, man.(brings mic down to Yvoone)
Yvoone:...Yeah, I understand that, well but when that lady threw them leaves over my fence like that-(both continue to argue the same case amongst eachother)
Keegan: No, but what I'm sayin' to you though is that...them leaves came up on your lawn...
Yvoone: I know....I know but I had a boy call me...
**end scene, cut to opening credits**

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Last edited by music_man86; 07/30/2007 at 5:07 PM.
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  #2  
Old 07/29/2007, 2:34 PM
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I love this sketch. It's so funny LOL. Thanks for the transcript LOL, I don't see no problems.

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