[MADtv] Episode S14E06 (Aired 2008-11-08)

[Miss Information]

Rough Patch
TNT, after introducing 2 shows with MILF like actresses like Kyra Sedgwick in the Closer, and Holly Hunter in Saving Grace, TNT introduces its new show Rough Patch, starring old Goldie Hawn (Arden Myrin) as 38 year old Shauna Patch, who hates all races, has a drinking problem, and is a sex addict. She has a Korean son (Bobby Lee) she won in a poker game, who she beats often, and has sex while he watches. Rough Patch, part of TNT's Tough Titty Tuesday's.

Credits: Mare Costello (Kyra Sedgwick), Nancy Harding (Holly Hunter), Arden Myrin (Goldie Hawn: Shawna Patch), Johnny Sanchez (Mexican), Bobby Lee (Korean Son), Keegan-Michael Key (Ramirez)

Political Survivor
Jeff Probst comes onto the MADtv stage and talks about how great it is to an American right now with the end of the most exciting election in history, but like most legitimate competitions, Jeff feels that it is not over until he counts the votes. Jeff then walks over to a set that looks like the Survivor Tribal Council set from his show. He then brings up Barack Obama (Keegan-Michael Key), and John McCain (Bobby Lee) via satellite on the jumbo tron. John is scared of the fire. Barack Obama wins the voting with 3 votes, John finishes with 2 votes, and Ron Paul finishes with 1 vote (which Jeff considers a wasted vote). Since John lost he must now leave the United States, which he is ok with as he has 65 houses in Europe that he has never even seen. Jeff congratulates President Barack Obama.

Credits: Jeff Probst (Himself), Bobby Lee (John McCain), Keegan-Michael Key (Barack Obama)

3 Minute Tailgate
Wendy Walker (Crista Flanagan) tries to make chili dogs in 3 minutes tailgating outside of her car at the Michigan State, Ohio State football game. Wendy is not treated very nicely, as she is being pelted by footballs and food due to the wardrobe department giving her an Ohio State sweater despite the fact that she is parked in the Michigan State parking lot. The time starts as Wendy is getting the hot dogs. The hot dogs are frozen due to being put in the cooler purposely by Scott. When Wendy tries to get the packaging open, she gets a sharp piece of ice in her eye and starts to bleed. She then goes for the grill, but burns herself as the grill is already on and hot. Wendy is wearing sandals, which is unfortunate because when dropping the grill, the hot grate lands on her feet and burns them pretty badly. As Wendy crawls into her car to retrieve the chili, a car pulls up too close to her door. When she tries to tell the man (Matt Braunger) that he has parked too close, his response is "suck it Blowhio State"! With both her car doors too small for her to fit through she takes the chili and leaves the car out the sunroof. As she ascends out the top of the hood, she is pelted by footballs, and slides down the back of the car. The time runs out with only the chili, and nothing to serve it in. Bruce the Buckeye, the mascot for Ohio State comes by and starts to feel up Wendy. Wendy smells the stench of alcohol on his breath and pushes him away. As she signs off a truck rams into her and it is announced that 3 Minute Meal will no longer be scene at this time.

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Wendy Walker), Matt Braunger (Michigan State Fan)

Guyco #1
A customer Mary Poole (Nicole Parker) discusses her story, but to make it more interesting Guyco hired Mo'Nique (Erica Ash) to tell her story. Mary's story was that she was not paying attention and she rear-ended a car, but she called Guyco right away. Mo'Nique however tells the exact opposite of the accident. That Mary was paying attention, the other lady rear-ended her, and she went limp so that her rates wouldn't go up. When Mary tells her that her rates didn't go up Mo'Nique replies "it must be nice to be white. Mary agrees, and the sketch closes with the announcer saying "it is nice to be white".

Credits: Nicole Parker (Mary Poole), Erica Ash (Mo'Nique)

Coach Hines Confesses his Sins #1
Yaminashi (Bobby Lee) comes into a confession booth and confesses some of his sins. Yaminashi then wonders if he has immunity fearing the priest might tell. The priest (Jeff Probst) tells him he does but God knows what he has done. Before the priest can finish Coach Hines (Keegan-Michael Key) barges into Yaminashi's booth and tells him to wrap it up or he will impale him on the steeple of the church. As Yaminashi leaves, Coach Hines comes in asking for forgiveness for future sins as he wants to perform creative killings on the students like in the Saw movies. He then wonders to what extent he can hurt the students without going to hell. The priest says violence is not the answer. Coach Hines in rage calls into the booth Yaminashi and Careco (Matt Braunger) to tell the priest what they did, which includes putting crazy glue on his whistle, mailing a bore to his house, and putting a laxative in his cereal, which he did not know about, but explains his 40 minutes in the bathroom today. When Coach Hines asks if he can please hurt Yaminashi and Caraco, the priest says no to Coach Hines displeasure. When the priest asks Hines to do things to clear his sins, Coach Hines admits that he isn't that into the whole religion thing. The priest then threatens to choke Coach Hines with his holy sash until his head explodes. The priest then appears in the booth and threatens to call God and tear Coach Hines's body limb from limb with the assistance of Yaminashi and Careco. Coach Hines understands and leaves with Yaminashi and Careco.

Credits: Bobby Lee (Joseph Yaminashi), Jeff Probst (Priest), Keegan-Michael Key (Coach Sandebal Hines), Matt Braunger (Careco)

Guyco #2
Another customer Melinda Calkins (Arden Myrin) comes to tell her story just minutes after a horrible accident. The celebrity Guyco got was Elmo from Sesame Street. Melinda's story involves her going to her mother’s funeral when she was hit head on by a truck, which Elmo thinks that must have given her a bobo, that flew her father out the window into a fence and decapitated her sisters head that they can't find as of yet, Elmo's suggestion is to retrace their steps. When a body in a bag comes by with a street sign in it Elmo counts the number and says how much he loves to read. Elmo's sentences always end in laughs, which angers Melinda to the point where she throws Elmo into a moving car. The scene then switches to Elmo now being the customer, and the celebrity for him is Carlos Mencia (Johnny Sanchez). Elmo is angered that all they could get for him is Carlos Mencia. He thinks he deserves at least George Lopez. Carlos gets mad at Elmo and rips off Elmo's head and throws it into Mo'Nique's car. Mo'Nique then gets out of her car and despite standing claims that she cannot move her legs, has whiplash, and a bad back. She then threatens to sue Carlos for throwing Elmo's head on her window.

Credits: Arden Myrin (Melinda Calkins), Johnny Sanchez (Carlos Mencia), Erica Ash (Mo'Nique)

Coach Hines Confesses his Sins #2
Coach Hines returns to the confession booth and says that the repentance's didn't work because all he could think about was hurting Yaminashi. Coach Hines thinks that he's just bad, and that he got it from his father who uses to do things like tell him he was a rotten kid at his 10th birthday party. He then threatens to set himself on fire if he cries. He then says that he just wants to be loved. It is then discovered that Yaminashi is actually on the other side. He says that he loves Coach Hines. He then tells Coach Hines to say 3 hail Mary's, 2 hollabacks, and a what what. Coach Hines then climbs over the wall and tries to kill Yaminashi, but Yaminashi escapes.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Coach Sandebal Hines), Bobby Lee (Joseph Yaminashi)

Cottage Life with Carol and Jill #1
Carol (Arden Myrin) and Jill (Crista Flanagan) are 2 women who run a show through there cottage. Carol is not attracted to Jill, despite what fan letters ask, and Jill is secretly saddened by the fact. Jill likes to kiss Carol, which Carol considers as her just be affectionate. To personalize the cottage they both made pictures to hang in the living room. Carol's is ducks in a pond, while Jill's is Carol naked on a black stallion. The guest on the show on this day is Edward (Johnny Sanchez), owner of the local bakery. He is here to show off a strawberry cake he has made. Jill does not like Edward due to that Edward gives off the impression that he is attracted to Carol. When Carol notices that there are no plates for the cake and says that Edward will just have to feed it to her by hand, Jill takes the clock off the wall of the cottage and uses it as a plate. As Edward feeds the cake to Carol, Jill is sitting behind them with a dying look on her face. When Carol brings up the option that Edward will have to kiss the cake off her face, Jill frantically looks for napkins. She uses the curtains from the window, and rips it off the poll it is being held on. She does all this while trying to keep Carol and Edward apart. As Edward starts to tell Carol of an amazing flea market in town Jill leaves the cottage. She returns holding a gasoline jug and tells Edward that his car is on fire. Edward runs to his vehicle, while Carol explains how frequent this event is at the cabin and Jill sits back down beside her.

Credits: Arden Myrin (Carol), Crista Flanagan (Jill), Johnny Sanchez (Edward)

NBA Cares #1
Charles Barkley (Keegan-Michael Keys) goes to a school to read the children the book the Cat and the Fiddle, but has contradictions to many parts of the story. Like how can a cow jump over a moon, and a cat afford a fiddle? He then says that whoever wrote the book is irresponsible, and tells the kids to stay in school so they don't become irresponsible like the man who wrote the book.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Charles Barkley)

Cottage Life with Carol and Jill #2
A fireman (Matt Braunger) tells Carol and Jill that the fire was contained but the car was damaged in a way that it could not be fixed. The fireman says that he loves the show because it gives him hope when he watches it while he is cooking in the morning. As he explains how lonely a life is being a fireman, Jill returns with the same gas jug and tells the fireman that his fire trucks on fire. The fireman runs out as Jill sits back down beside Carol.

Credits: Arden Myrin (Carol), Crista Flanagan (Jill), Matt Braunger (the Fireman)

NBA Cares #2
Yao Ming (Bobby Lee) comes to read Humpty Dumpty to the kids. As he reads Charles Barkley is making comments like "damn egg sitting on a wall", and "serves that egg right for sitting up on that wall". He also thinks that it's bad management for a king to send all of his horses and men to save this egg. As Yao explains that the big egg would feed the entire village, Charles says that, that's probably a good thing since they all eat too much dog anyway.

Credits: Bobby Lee (Yao Ming), Keegan-Michael Key (Charles Barkley)

NBA Cares #3
WNBA star Lisa Leslie (Erica Ash) comes to the school to teach Charles Barkley how to read, but once again, he can't comprehend things in the story like why Jack and Jill would climb up a hill to get water. While Charles is questioning the story, Yao Ming keeps going back to what would happen if they were in China, which involves Jill being taken from her home and forced to do gymnastics. When Lisa switches to the story Fun with Dick and Jane, Charles is outraged due to the fact that he thinks Lisa is trying to teach the children about dick the sex organ. He then tells a child that if he wants to have sex with dick, that Charles is ok with that. Yao then says that gays are meat in his country. Lisa then gives up on Charles and just decides to read to the kids herself while Charles and Yao go get cheese steaks and bet on the ponies. Lisa delivers a message telling "the WNBA, where caring happens, instead of exciting basketball".

Credits: Bobby Lee (Yao Ming), Keegan-Michael Key (Charles Barkley), Erica Ash (Lisa Leslie)

Drunk Newsman
Roger Stuart (Matt Braunger) goes on the street to question people about the economy. He is a little off because he was told he didn't have to work today, and is a little drunk due to a lunch time gathering with some of his old college buddies. As the interviews begin, you notice that he is not looking so sharp. He starts off small, doing things like banging the microphone into people’s mouths, and stuttering through the questions, but as the day goes on the effects of the alcohol starts to hit him, as he does things like cry uncontrollably, and gets feelings of nausea. He then pulls out a flask from his pocket, and starts to tell stories of his former elementary/high school girlfriend (he was 10, she was 16) to the camera. He starts getting sick, and violently starts throwing up. He ends the report with a final message of the economy sucks and wanders into a water fountain.

Credits: Matt Braunger (Roger Stuart), Sabin Lomac (Interviewee)

Laughs #1
A detective named Callahan (Crista Flanagan) gets promoted to homicide. The head of the department is Jay Malone, but everyone calls him Laughs (Matt Braunger). When he asks if Callahan has heard about the 1 legged prostitute, she says no with a laugh. He then tells her that she cracked her head on the pavement. When she excuses herself for thinking that it's a joke, he denies that it was. When she questions why everybody calls him Laughs. He says that he use to enjoy a good joke before the accident. He then asks her if she's heard of the amnesia patient that walked into a bar she respond with "he said, do I come here often" and begins to laugh. He says no, and that the man was his father who suffered a stroke, and had his throat cut by a guy he (Laughs) put in prison that got out early. Callahan tries to change the subject by asking Laughs if he knows what's black, white, and red all over, but all that does is remind Laughs about the death of his partner and his wife who were an interracial couple that were shot down, to which Laughs blames on himself. Callahan’s answer was an embarrassed penguin. When she says that it most likely wasn't his fault he says that that's what his wife kept telling him before he put her on a Polish submarine. When she thinks it's a joke about a submarine sinking due to screen doors, he is shocked to hear that she would make fun of his wife and 2 daughters drowning. The phone then rings with the info of a mind-reading midget who just escaped from prison, to which Callahan describes as a small, medium, at large. Once again, it is not a joke, and Callahan asks "why do they call you Laughs".

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Callahan), Matt Braunger (Jay Malone/Laughs)

Laughs #2
As Laughs and Callahan are sitting at the desk, Callahan asks Laughs if he has ever heard of the joke about the fire in the shoe factory? When he says no, and she replies a thousand soles were lost, Laughs is so shocked that he is going to kill himself with his gun. When she tells him that they were just shoes, he calms down and tells Callahan "you got one messed up sense of humour lady". She then comments on how his name really doesn't work for him.

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Callahan), Matt Braunger (Jay Malone/Laughs)

MADtv Extras: NBA Cares #2 Outtakes
Keegan screws up his lines 5 times. 3 times spontaneously, and twice on an improved line by Bobby. Bobby screws up his lines 3 times. All of them spontaneously.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Charles Barkley), Bobby Lee (Yao Ming)

MADtv Extras: Guyco #2 Outtakes
Elmo asks Melinda what she is doing after the show, and if she wants to go for a drink with him. When she says that she has to go to rehearsal and says that she has a boyfriend, Elmo asks her if she wants to go f***.

Credits: Arden Myrin (Melinda Calkins/Herself)

MADtv Extras: Coach Hines #1 Outtakes
Coach Hines wonders if the priest is going to look at him as the priest tries to hold back his laughter. Coach Hines lures Yaminashi and Careco into the booth where he drops his whistle on Yaminashi's face and warns him not to drop it.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Coach Sandebal Hines), Jeff Probst (Priest), Matt Braunger (Careco), Bobby Lee (Joseph Yaminashi)

Keegan Closes
Keegan closes the show and thanks Jeff Probst and the audience for being so great.

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Herself), Keegan-Michael Key (Himself), Bobby Lee (Himself), Arden Myrin (Herself), Nicole Parker (Herself), Johnny Sanchez (Himself), Erica Ash (Herself), Matt Braunger (Himself)

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Starring:

• Crista Flanagan (1A/5S/0W/0AF)
• Keegan-Michael Key (2A/8S/0W/0AF)
• Bobby Lee (8A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Arden Myrin (2A/4S/0W/0AF)
• Nicole Parker (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Johnny Sanchez (4A/0S/0W/0AF)

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Featuring:

• Erica Ash (2A/2S/0W/0AF)
• Matt Braunger (4A/4S/0W/0AF)

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[h3]Guest Star:[/h2]

• Jeff Probst (0A/2S/0W/0AF)

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Special Appearances:

• Mare Costello (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Nancy Harding (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Sabin Lomac (1A/0S/0W/0AF)

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Legend:

• (A)ppearance Credits
• (S)tarring Credits
• (W)riting Credits
• Non-Speaking Role
• (A)rchive (F)ootage

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[tvmanismadformad]

Jeff Probst guests again! I don't really mind him when he guest stars. He's been pretty good, and it's great to see that he likes the show so much that he keeps coming back for guest appearances. By my count this will be his 5th guest appearance and his 3rd consecutive season appearance.
As happy as I am about the Jeff appearance I am as, or more happy about the Coach Hines appearance. As much as I hate that they are doubling on a character that has been done already in such a short season, they can't do it with a better character than Coach Hines!
How do these updates get on here so fast? I look everywhere and I can't find anything.
As I have in so many other posts I must express my concern with the fact than it is going to be November 8th and we are already at the 6th episode of our 14 episode season. I bring this up all the time but no one seems to comment on this. You all have also not indulged me on my thought that this may not be a 14 episode season at all.

[nicoleparkerfan8]

Damn, I'll be pissed if this is a 14 episode season....

[Dartanian]

Originally Posted by tvmanismadformad

Jeff Probst guests again! I don't really mind him when he guest stars. He's been pretty good, and it's great to see that he likes the show so much that he keeps coming back for guest appearances. By my count this will be his 5th guest appearance and his 3rd consecutive season appearance.

6th appearance. 6th consecutive season.

914 - Celebrity Survivor
1014 - LOST
1108 - Lillian Verner: Survivor Edition / HNL: Jeff Probst
1209 - Songs of Survivor
1302 - Host of "Best of TV" special

How sad that I remembered all of this off the top of my head.

As happy as I am about the Jeff appearance I am as, or more happy about the Coach Hines appearance. As much as I hate that they are doubling on a character that has been done already in such a short season, they can't do it with a better character than Coach Hines!
How do these updates get on here so fast? I look everywhere and I can't find anything.

There aren't many other characters they can use at this stage. Keegan has a few characters that are still being used in Coach Hines, Carress and Eugene, Bobby has Johnny Gan, Johnny has Fahrid and Nacho Hernandez, Crista has Luann and Wendy Walker, who hasn't appeared since Season 12, Nicole has Disney Girl and Tori McLachlan who haven't appeared since Season 12, and Arden has nothing. None of the newbies have introduced any characters yet. They really should, because theres a pretty sad collection on display at the moment.

[edkedkedk]

They should introduce new characters. I always thought MADtv's characters are the soul of the show. Dartanian's right, this collection is really sad, when you think how many characters they used to do.

BRING BACK SESAME STREET! Let Matt play Big Bird!

I always loved Survivor, and Jeff Probst really surprises me when he acts funny on MADtv, which is a stark contrast from his serious 'Survivor' face and voice.

[tvmanismadformad]

Originally Posted by Dartanian

6th appearance. 6th consecutive season.

914 - Celebrity Survivor
1014 - LOST
1108 - Lillian Verner: Survivor Edition / HNL: Jeff Probst
1209 - Songs of Survivor
1302 - Host of "Best of TV" special

How sad that I remembered all of this off the top of my head.

Sorry about the innaccurate number. I have never seen season 11 (well I did, but I wasn't a very avid watcher back then, and I bearly remember anything from that season) and we are only getting it in syndication up here now for the first time. His season 11 appearance will actually be on the Tuesday coming up, so if this was posted on Wednesday my numbers would be right. With this upcomming appearance, I think he will break the guest appearance record, but I was wrong about his appearances all time so...

[blue_light_888]

Wow, this episode is shaping up to be good. Jeff Probst and Coach Hines are both pretty awesome.

I don't think they need that many characters though. Luann, Wendy (in my dreams ), Tori McLachlan, Nacho, and Hines will carry us through for now. Wonder what characters the newbies have though.

And one more question, if all four of the featured players make it through to this episode, do they become repertory players or just featured players to the end of Season 14?

[Planned Disaster]

Jeff Probst hosting again ?? He's an alright guest star but I fell that he's guest starring too much. And what happended Jenny McCarthy.

I know that this is bit of an odd question but why does the title of this thread use "." instead of "-" in the airdate and why is the year at the end instead of at the begining. (it's now 11.08.2008 instead of 2008-11-08)

Originally Posted by Dartanian

6th appearance. 6th consecutive season.

914 - Celebrity Survivor
1014 - LOST
1108 - Lillian Verner: Survivor Edition / HNL: Jeff Probst
1209 - Songs of Survivor
1302 - Host of "Best of TV" special

Jeff Probst wasn't in 1108, it was Jeff Garlin from Curb Your Enthusiasm.

[Dartanian]

1108, 1114 - same difference.

[MADfan2004]

These dates are screwed up. 1405's says 10-01, and 1406's says 11-04.

[edkedkedk]

Now I won't know which are the exact dates the episodes air. Oh, the horror!

[blue_light_888]

Won't you get the dates in the email update?

also, repeating question: if all four of the featured players make it through to this episode, do they become repertory players now or just featured players to the end of Season 14?

[Dartanian]

No, they'll still be featured players. Nobody has been promoted mid-season since 3.
Erica is still filming sketches as of Saturday, so I would say its likely her (and the rest of FP's) contracts have been renewed.

[edkedkedk]

Oh wells, at least we won't have to worry about Erica!

[Planned Disaster]

Originally Posted by MADfan2004

These dates are screwed up. 1405's says 10-01, and 1406's says 11-04.

I think you may be reading the wrong thread titles. 1404 is 10-04 and you might have mistaken it for 11-04 and episode 1406.

[seanmathis26]

Originally Posted by Dartanian

No, they'll still be featured players. Nobody has been promoted mid-season since 3.
Erica is still filming sketches as of Saturday, so I would say its likely her (and the rest of FP's) contracts have been renewed.

Well McDonald was Promoted too in 4

[tvmanismadformad]

Here is a picture of Coach Hines confessing his sins to a prist played by Jeff Probst that will be in this episode.

[edkedkedk]

WOW! I'm looking forward to Coach Hines + Jeff Probst!

[nicoleparkerfan8]

Originally Posted by tvmanismadformad

This looks too good to be true!
Okay. I'm done now

[MADfan2004]

Promo aired. It shows a political Survivor with Jeff.

I don't know how they're gonna do this since the election will be over by next Saturday.