[MADtv] Kenny Rogers' Jackass (#623)

[Viper]

Kenny Rogers – Will Sasso
Jackass #1
Jackass #2

Kenny: HI I’M KENNY ROGERS AND THIS IS JACKASS!

(Fade to the Kenny Rogers’ Jackass American Flag title screen)


Kenny: This one’s called the Police brutality trick, there he is move the camera hide the camera


Hey uh, excuse me officer I love my doggy up in the park

(Kenny grabs the Officers Gun and tries to run, he shoots himself in the foot and is beat down by the Officers night stick)
(Fade out)

Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and this is the Stilt Trick

(Jackass #1 on stilts,
gets hit by Kenny and Jackass #2’s baseball bats)
(Kenny Laughs hysterically)

Hahahahahahha

(Jackass #2 hits Kenny in the kneecap with a baseball bat)
Kenny, now angry, pushes #2 over)
(Kenny on Stilts)

Kenny: Dududulludedu

(He gets hit by baseball bats, one breaks)
(Fade out)

(Kenny guzzling some Jack Daniels and wearing sunglasses)

Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and this is Self Defence
we’re gonna test out some self defence items

we’ve got Pepper Scray, Electric Cattle Prodder, that’s a Sword I guess, Knunchucks, bats, not doing that (throws one bat away)

We’re gonna see which one of these items is best for the consumer self defence.

This is Pepper Spray...
GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY! (#1 sprays kenny right in the eyes with the pepper spray)

ARHHHHHHHH!!!! (falls to the ground screaming)
ARGH THAT BURNS!
MOTHER ARGH!

(Cuts to Kenny holding the cattle prodder rubbing his eyes)

This is the Cattle Prodder (blinking) ouch

Hey aren’t you the guy from Blink 182?
[i](Kenny gets prodded in the stomach)[i]
ARGHHHHHHHHH!
(gets prodded in the back,
falls to the ground shaking and gets prodded repeatedly)
ARGHHHH OH!
OK STOP STOP!
ARGHHH!
STOP MAN!

(Cuts to Kenny wearing sunglasses drinking some Jack Daniels
and pointing at the different self defence items on the table)

That’s the end of Self Defence, I’m not gonna do anymore
The Pepper spray was tough
The Cattle Prodders hurt like a son of a bitch
and I’m not going anywhere this the rest of the sh**
Cause F*** that (Kenny gets unexpectedly hit in the back by #1 with a baseball bat,
he spits out some bourbon)
OOWWWWWW!

(Fade out)

(Kenny wearing goggles and elbow pads)

I’m Kenny Rogers and this is the Off Road Toy Downhill
See all of these toys (points to the preschool tricycles)

and we’re gonna race these Mother F*****s
LETS GO!

(#1 goes down the hill first riding a child’s toy, he goes flying off it)
(#2 goes next and is in a little trailer, he pathetically just rolls off)

(Kenny’s last and races down fast on a Tricycle,
#1 and #2 hit him with base ball bats as he races down the hill
when he gets to the bottom, they hit him again,
he’s furious and throws the tricycle at them as they run away)
(fade out)


I’m Kenny Rogers and this is the Shopping Cart Trick!

(Kenny sitting in a shopping cart #1 and #2 pushing it into a curb
Kenny goes flying out of it and lands hard on the grass)
(fade out)

(Kenny standing with #1 and #2 holding a baseball bat and drinking his JDs)

Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and this is the Bat Fetcher Trick with my Teeth!

(#2 throws a baseball bat at Kenny,
It flies through the air and hits Kenny right in the face,
he falls to the grass)

Kenny: I’m alright

(#2 helps him up, but Kenny knees him in the balls and beats on him with the bat
#1 runs over to help his friend and stars beating Kenny, who beats him back.
Kenny turns to the camera)

I Love being on this Jackass Show!

(Cuts to Kenny laying on the grass getting beat on by #1 with baseball bat)
(Fade out)

(Kenny wearing his sunglasses and holding his bottle of Jack)

Hi I’m Kenny Rogers and this is the Dairy Challenge.
Each one of these jackasses has these dairy products in front of them (points to all the different dairy products on the table)
And the winner is the one who finishes first.
Cheers, lets get going!

(The 3 of them sat down begin drinking the dairy
Kenny turns to #2)

Kenny: I WAS RAISED ON THE DAIRY BITCH!

(Kenny mixes dairy with his bourbon)

(#1 spits some milk,
Kenny jumps up and pukes in the bucket)

Kenny: I’m alright I’m Alright

(Kenny sits down,
Kenny and #1 both spit out some milk)

Kenny: HEY, YOU GOT EGGNOG IN MY GOATS MILK!
HA, HA, HA, HA, HA, HAAAAAA, HA, HA, HA

(about to puke, Kenny jumps up again and pukes in the bucket again)
(Sat down again and looking terrible with puke in his beard)


Kenny: Don’t come near me I’ma puke

(#1 runs behind Kenny and shocks him in the back with the cattle prodder)
Kenny shakes and spits out all the dairy
and continues shaking0
Kenny: GET AWAY WITH THAT!

(#2 hits Kenny with a baseball bat)


(cut to Kenny stood over the bucket slowly puking the dairy and then shoves his head in the bucket,
#1 breaks a baseball bat over Kenny’s head,
He gets up dazed and confused)

Kenny: OWWWWWWWW!


(Cuts to Kenny puking and drinking a huge amount of milk)


(Then cuts to Kenny puking on #1’s head twice
Kenny then pukes in the bucket again and gets puked on by #2)
(Fade out.)

(A complete mess, dairy products all over the place,
the 3 of them are sat at the table looking extremely sick)

Kenny: All the Dairy products is doooone and we realise that….
Nobody wins in the Dairy Challenge.

(Kenny waves to the camera)


That’s Kenny Rogers’ Jackass
Goodnight!

(Fade to the Kenny Rogers’ Jackass American Flag title screen)

[MJB12]

Kenny Rogers fan, eh?

[kravitz]

how the heck do you work this thing? I've been trying to watch this video for 20 minutes! this sucks