[MADtv] Public School House Rock: Substitute Teacher (#823)

[Stuart L.]

(I'm doing this all from memory, so correct the things that are wrong.)

Fade in: The words Public School House Rock appear, covered in graffiti.

Singers=Public School House Rock!

A hobo is at the front of a classroom with the words "Substoot Teechir" on the black board.

Bell Rings

Hobo-Hey, I'm your substitute teacher. Yes I am, (points to board) your substute teacher.

Hobo-(voice over) Your old school teacher quite yesterday, she got a tripple size class. (The teacher stands in front of a group of kids, which get bigger and bigger as the teacher gets sadder and sadder) The school gave her a cut in pay (A check goes from $1000, to $100 to $10) and she got shot in the ass. (Teacher gets shot in the ass) So they looked far and wide, yes they did. (Men are looking for a new teacher in a garbage can and a porta pottie) But no one wants to be a teacher, sorry kids. (A man pulls his shades down, which say Sorry Kids)
So they found me living under a bridge. (Men find the hobo under a bridge) They found me high as a kite. The asked me if I'd like to teach. (Men hand the hobo a whisky bottle) I said "Sure, all right!" (Hobo's eyes light up)
(Back to Hobo in classroom) So I'm here, where's my beer, I'm your substitute teacher. (Points to sign) Yes I am, your substitute teacher.
Time for math! Count by 3's! (Numbers appear on graffiti covered wall) 3, 6, 9. 12, 47 90. ?.(Says "Somethin' next) Then 100! (Now thugs run from behind the wall with the numbers on their shirts) 3, 6, 9. 12, 47, 90. ?. (Says "Somethin' next) Then 100. (Larger thug runs out).
Now let's do the 3 times tables! 3 x 10 = -2 (Appears next to a urinal) 3 x 8 = Elevendy. (Appears on a bus) 3 x 2 = I dunno (Appears on food trays) That's why god invented calculators. (Lightning stricks and a calculator appears). 3 x 10 = -2. (Forget where that shows up) 3 x 8 = Elevendy. (Appears on the hobo's coat) 3 x 2 = I dunno. (Forget where that shows up) That's why god invented calculators. (Lightning strikes and a calculator appears)
All right kids, that's enough of math. Let's watch Celebrity Boxing. (Hobo wheels out TV showing Celebrity Boxing:Starring the Olsen Twins.)

Little girl-Damn, we're screwed. (Puts her head on her desk)
Ends

[blackwind]

Can we get an episode number here?

[MADtv Watcher]

If I remember right, it was #823. I just remember it was the not so good episode from season 8.

[DHCgirl]

"3 x 8 = Elevendy"

lol