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Old 01/10/2003, 6:05 PM
Geometry Sucks.
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Default Spishak 1 out of 10 Sudsy Soap Laundry Detergent (#422)

Here 'ya go, enjoy!

Spishak Spokesperson: Pat Kilbane
Derrick Simms: Michael McDonald

Spishak Spokesperson: (holding microphone) We're here at the home of Derrick Simms...

(The Spishak Spokesperson walks up to the door of Derrick Simms' house and rings the doorbell.)

Spishak Spokesperson: (Holding a bottle of Spishak detergent) ...to talk about Spishak's new Sudsy Soap Laundry Detergent. The detergent that nine out of ten consumers said they would use time and again...

[i](Not receiving a response from Derrick Simms, the Spishak Spokesperson rings the doorbell again.)

Spishak Spokesperson:...Because Sudsy Soap does to your duds what suds ought to "duds."*

(The Spishak Spokesperson, again not receiving a response from Derrick Simms, rings his doorbell again.)

Spishak Spokesperson: Why? Because we at Spishak know that you're not happy unless your clothes are happy.

(The Spishak Spokesperson rings the doorbell again. Not receiving a response, the Spishak Spokesperson looks through the mail chute.)

Spishak Spokesperson: I mean, think about it.

(The Spishak, crouching down and peeking through the mail chute, knocks on Derrick Simms' door.)

Spishak Spokesperson: You've just taken a bath, and you're all clean! Wouldn't it only be appropriate that your clothes be equally as clean?

(Derrick Simms opens the door.)

Derrick Simms: (Tiredly) Yes?

Spishak Spokesperson: Oh, hi! And a grand good morning to you, Derrick Simms! I'm from Spishak on behalf of Sudsy Soap Laundry Detergent! The laundry detergent preffered by nine out of ten consumers.

Derrick Simms: Oh, you guys gave me a sample to try.

Spishak Spokesperson: We sure did! And...?

Derrick Simms:...And I didn't care for it. (Closes door)

Spishak Spokesperson: (Holding door open) Well, that is why we're here! What would you say if I were to tell you that nine out of ten people preferred Sudsy Soap from Spishak?

Derrick Simms: I'd say, "Why aren't you talking to one of them?" (Closing door)

Spishak Spokesperson: (holding door open) Because we at Spishak are so confident in Sudsy Soap that we are talking to the people who didn't like it.

Derrick Simms: That doesn't really make a lot of sense.

Spishak Spokesperson: Well, what was it you didn't like about Sudsy Soap? Was it the easy access spout? The low-cost reload? The built-in measuring tab?

Derrick Simms: It was the SMELL.

Spishak Spokesperson: You're talking about the awesome cleaning power of Pesto.**

Derrick Simms: I mean, who puts pesto in a laundry detergent anyway?

Spishak Spokesperson: Who do? Spishak do! Because we at Spishak know that nine out of ten people love pesto!

Derrick Simms: Yeah, I love pesto too. Just not in my pants. (Tries to slam door)

Spishak Spokesperson: (Holding door open) And yet, nine out of ten people prefer Spishak's new Sudsy Soap. With the cleaning power of pesto!

Derrick Simms: You know, actually, five other of people in my neighborhood got this exact same sample, and NONE of them liked it.

Spishak Spokesperson: But if five people didn't like it, that would mean that there are forty-five who did! Because nine times five is forty-five---

Derrick Simms: (rapidly) Yeah, I know what nine times five is--- (tries to shut door)

Spishak Spokesperson: (struggling to keep door open) Would you j-j-j-ust---
Let me put it this way:
If there were ten people in the world, you would be the only one not using Sudsy Soap from Spishak. With the cleaning power of Pesto.

Derrick Simms: Mmm Hmm. (Tries to shut door)

Spishak Spokesperson: (keeps door open with hand) Well, the only one in the world? You'd be all alone on that one, Derrick Simms.

Derrick Simms: You know? I really gotta go--- (waves hand) Thanks.

Spishak Spokesperson: Oh! Just one last question, Derrick:

[i](Derrick Simms slams the door.)

Spishak Spokesperson: There you have it. Nine out of ten people prefers Spishak's new Sudsy Soap Laundry Detergent. Suds your duds the sudsy way. And if you're the one out of ten people who doesn't prefer Sudsy Soap; watch out. We're coming to talk to you.
Spishak's new Sudsy Soap:
with the power of pesto.
And watch for:
New sudsy soap with Cajun Blackened Spices.
New Scampy Sudsy Soap.
From Spishak:
Where good ideas are used to make products that are also good, like the ideas that were used to make them.

*Cheesy play on words... duds="does"="do"
**An Italian sauce consisting of usually fresh basil, garlic, pine nuts, olive oil, and grated cheese. Yes, it smells like garlic.

Good evening, y'all. I'm Tovah McQueen. (And I'm Belma Buttons.) And this is, reality check. The show where you leave your delusions at the door, sit yo' ass down, open up wide for a big ole' slice of truth, with a side of wisdom.

--Reality Check

(Tovah: Oh now Belma baby-- I gotta ask yo' now: Did you make this Chocolate covered butter stick?

Belma: OOh, girl, you know I did. But I made it with that lightly salted butter. You know we do gotta watch our high blood.

Tovah: OOh, baby, this is so good I outtta bust 'ya in da head with a car engine!)

Reality Check: Dreamin' of Denzel Washington...

(my favorite Reality Check sketch)

Last edited by MADMADMAD; 02/07/2003 at 10:00 PM.
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Old 09/18/2004, 6:10 AM
Dartanian's Avatar
Dartanian Male Dartanian is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Auckland
Posts: 4,606
It's funny how MADMADMAD used footnotes to annotate what "duds" meant in this transcript, and what pesto is. Perhaps he predicted that one day, this forum would be full of idiots like us?

(I'm just kidding- I just wanted to post in this thread. )

What happened to Andrae?
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