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Old 05/03/2004, 4:59 PM
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newt007 Male newt007 is offline
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Default Mrs. Campbell: Hospital (#608)

Mrs. Campbell- Stephnie Weir
Cancer Guy's daughter- Alex Borstein
Cancer Guy's Wife- Mo Collins
Melanie- Debra Wilson
Hospital worker- Nelson
Hunting victim- Will Sasso

(Cancer Guy's daughter next to the Cancer guy's bed) (Hospital worker and Mrs. Campbell walk in)

Hospital worker: Careful there... Mrs. Campbell, we're gonna temporary put you in this room just until a bed opens up on the 2nd floor.

Mrs. Campbell: Okay. (sits down)

Hospital worker: You let us know if you need anything.

Mrs. Campbell: All right, I sure will. See you later, Baaa.

(Hospital worker leaves)

Mrs. Campbell: Oh, hello there honey. I'm gonna be real quiet 'cause I know he's sleepin'.

Cancer Guy's daughter: Oh, that's okay. I don't think my father can hear you, uh, he has lung cancer.

Mrs. Campbell: Oh my goodnesss...

(Melanie walks in)

Cancer Guy's daughter: (gets up) Oh, Melanie, Hi. (hugs Melanie) Thank you so much for coming.

Melanie: How are you?

Cancer Guy's daughter: Oh... good.

Melanie: How's your mother taking it?

Cancer Guy's daughter: She's devastated. She just went to get a cup of coffee. It's lung cancer.

Melanie: I heard. I'm sorry.

Cancer Guy's daughter: Hey, I know, just out of no where. I mean, one day, no symptoms and then the next day BAM, it's-- shocked.

Mrs. Campbell: (goes over to the Cancer Guy's daughter) Oh, Honey, that is just awful. I'm so sorry.

Cancer Guy's daughter: Thank you.

Mrs. Campbell: Honey, was he a smoker?

Cancer Guy's daughter: Oh, yeah.

Mrs. Campbell: Oh, you know, it says right on the box.

Cancer Guy's daughter: Excuse me?

Mrs. Campbell: Yeah, you see, the government makes them right that on every box so people don't get surprised when they get cancer.

Cancer Guy's daughter: Well, we were still very surprised.

Mrs. Campbell: Really?!

(Cancer Guy's daughter walks away)

Mrs. Campbell: (to Melanie) Well, honey, were you surprised?

Melanie: Yes, yes.

Mrs. Campbell: You, you were? So, uh, can I ask you a question... Have you ever seen these great big ol' billboards with the Camels on it and it says, in letters as big as people, it says Surgeon General says "Enjoy your cigarette, but it's gonna give you cancer." Oh honey, was he surprised?

Melanie: When he was conscious, yes.

Mrs. Campbell: He was?!

(Cancer Guy's wife walks in) (Melanie goes up to hug her)

Mrs. Campbell: Oh, that's the mother. (walks over to them) Honey, can I ask you a question? Did your husband know how to read?

Cancer Guy's wife: Yes.

Mrs. Campbell: He did?! You see, 'cause a lotta people who live in this country who is illiterate, but they too embarrassed to tell anybody about it. And then, they get surprised when they get cancer. So, he was a reader, huh? See, I could understand you was surprised if he got hit by a bus. 'Cause my friend, she got hit by a bus and there ain't any big signs that tell you, You gon' get hit by a bus. Yeah. OOH, you know what? I'm gon' go find a magazine and show you what I'm talking about...

(walks out of the door and sees a hunting victim on a bed in the hallway)

Mrs. Campbell: Oh my goodness. HONEY, What happened to you?

Hunting victim: Hunting accident, have a gunshot wound.

Mrs. Campbell: Ohhhh. So, you know, I ain't even got a gun 'cause I just one of those people that don't enjoy getting shot.

Hunting victim: I didn't intend on bein' shot. I have the gun for sport.

Mrs. Campbell: Can I ask you a question? Have you ever seen this progrum, that comes on TV, it's called the news...



Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.

Last edited by newt007; 09/24/2005 at 8:24 PM.
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Old 06/11/2004, 6:47 PM
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This was Mrs Campbell's first sketch right? Good job.

What happened to Andrae?
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Old 06/14/2004, 5:13 PM
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My favorite Campbell sketch!

Tcha, you know what? I don't eat cat..sorry. But I do write my own skits.
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Old 09/24/2005, 7:56 PM
Texas Male Texas is offline
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Default Re: Mrs. Campbell: Hospital (#608)

Originally posted by newt007
Mrs. Campbell- Stephanie Weir
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Old 09/24/2005, 8:04 PM
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MysterE Male MysterE is offline
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LOL, Rob, you may want to do a search for "*stephanie*" under transcripts to correct all of them.

As always, please look over the most recent episode guide here and let us know of any additions or corrections. Thank you.
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Old 09/24/2005, 8:13 PM
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newt007 Male newt007 is offline
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Originally posted by MysterE
LOL, Rob, you may want to do a search for "*stephanie*" under transcripts to correct all of them.
LOL, oh my n00b self


Selena Luna = Best. Castmember. Ever.
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Old 05/12/2007, 1:22 AM
supervixen2x0 Female supervixen2x0 is offline
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if anyone has video of this sketch, PLEASE POST!!!! it's definately one of my favourites!
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