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  #1  
Old 12/06/2004, 9:39 PM
elscorcho Male elscorcho is offline
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Default Opening: Ashlee Simpson (#1004)

Nicole Parker.................Ashlee Simpson
Michael McDonald..........Joe Simpson
Ike Barinholtz................Himself
Ron Pederson................Chris Fox (Drummer)
Paul Vogt.......................Camera Man


Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, Ike Barinholtz!!

(Ike comes out and stands in an aisle between two groups of audience seats)

Ike: Hello! How are we doing folks! Alright, alright! Alright, stop, stop, stop. Alright, you guys, we have a great show for you tonight. Alanis Morissette is here, come on, you love her. But...but first, we have a special treat for you guys. My favorite singer/performer in the world, she's here, she's gonna sing for us live. Give it up one time for Ashlee Simpson!!

(Music starts, and Ashlee is doing similar dances to the ones done on SNL. The singing starts before she even opens her mouth, and she stops, looking surprised)

Background Music: On a Monday, you saw me. On Tuesday, you called me. On Wednesday....

(Singing stops, but music continues. Ashlee continues doing goofy dances, including the infamous "hoedown". She then sets down the microphone and starts doing jumping jacks, and then twirls around. The music finally stops.)

Ashlee: Oh my God! I feel sooo bad! Like, my band totally started playing the wrong song, and I didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd do a hoedown. (Does the "hoedown" dance again)

Drummer: No, no, no, no. Wait a minute, wait a minute...no, no, we're not taking the blame for you again!

Ashlee: No, oh my God! I'm totally not blaming you guys! It's not your fault! It's, um...Ike Barinholtz's fault! Because, he totally introduced me wrong!

Ike: Oh, are you blaming me for your crappy lip synching??

Ashlee: Oh my God, no, no, no, no, no! It's um...the camera man's fault! You see, he totally screwed me up and I didn't know what to do, so I thought I'd do a hoedown! (Does the "hoedown" dance again)

Camera Man: What??? Oh, no, you are NOT cute enough to get away with that!! Your sister, maybe, she's hot! You...you're a Florida ditch pig!

Ashlee: (puts her hands on the sides of her head and makes a face) Oh, no! It's not that, it's just...I have acid reflux, and my drummer pressed the wrong button!

Drummer: HEY!!!

Ashlee: Um...no, it's just that I've never ever ever lip synched before in my life, ever. I only did it because my daddy told me to!

(Joe Simpson walks on stage)

Joe: Ashlee!!

Ashlee: Daddy! Um...I was just saying that it was Jessica's fault...

Joe: What did I tell you backstage before I untied you?

Ashlee: That...that it's her...her fault (points at an audience member) it's her fault?

Joe: No, no.

Ashlee: Um...it's the...(points to a pink circle painted on the stage floor) pretty pink circle's fault?

Joe: No...

Ashlee: Jesus's fault?

Joe: (shakes his head)

Ashlee: Al Queda?

Joe: No! Ashlee, I told you it is time you start taking responsibility for your mistakes. And ladies and gentlemen, it's time I took responsibility for my mistakes.

Ashlee: Dad, what do you mean?

(Joe starts to strangle Ashlee)

Ashlee: DADDY NO!! NO, NO!! DADDY!! I HAVE ACID REFLUX!!

(Ashlee collapses to the floor, seemingly unconscious)

Joe: Ladies and gentlemen...America, you're welcome.

(Ashlee awakens and starts tugging on Joe's pant leg. She tries to get up, but Joe punches her and knocks her out. The music starts up again and Joe does the "hoedown" dance)

Last edited by elscorcho; 02/08/2005 at 2:50 PM.
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  #2  
Old 12/07/2004, 5:26 PM
MJB12's Avatar
MJB12 Male MJB12 is offline
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Default Re: Open: Ashlee Simpson (#1004)

Quote:
Originally posted by elscorcho
Ashlee: Jesus's fault?

Joe: (shakes his head)

Ashlee: Al Qaeda?
lololololololololololololololol!!!!!!!!!!

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Old 01/01/2005, 5:25 AM
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hellahellalala Female hellahellalala is offline
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Cool, this looks like it was really hilarious.

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