[MADtv] Mary Scheer (Seinfeld: "The Strongbox")

[MysterE]

This is a transcript from a website that newt found on archive.org.

Mary Scheer appeared briefly in this episode from the final season of Seinfeld...not a very funny role, as you will see. She plays the welfare case worker of a financially-disadvantaged guy who Elaine is seeing.

Stars: Julia-Louis Dreyfuss as Elaine
Nicholas Paul Walker a Glenn
Mary Scheer as Mrs. Smoth

(Elaine and Glenn are walking down the street)

Elaine: So how is a guy like you not attached?

Glenn: I might ask you the same thing.

Elaine: (In her head) That’s true, maybe he’s not married. (Glenn hands her a flower from a nearby stall). (Out loud) Oh, that’s sweet. (In her head) How long do I have to hold this?

(Glenn spots Mrs. Smoth approaching them from behind)

Glenn: Oh no. (Looks around nervously)

Elaine: Who is it?

Glenn: Uh, no-one, no-one. (He takes Elaine into a nearby alley) Here, let me show you a short-cut.

Elaine: (In her head) Married. That’s it, I’m chuckin’ the flower. (She drops the flower on the ground)

(Later, Elaine visits Glenn’s very basically-furnished apartment)

Elaine: So this is your little love-nest?

Glenn: Nothing special, just, uh, a little place I keep.

Elaine: Oh.

Glenn: Uh, should I light a fire?

Elaine: That sounds...romantic.

Glenn: (Checks the fireplace) I’m having a little problem with the heat. Um, I’ve got some cardboard out here. (He climbs out the window)

Elaine: (In her head) This is wrong, I should go. (Someone knocks at the door, Glenn pokes his head back through the window)

Glenn: Can you get that please?

Elaine: Oh, sure. (She opens the door, Mrs. Smoth is waiting. Elaine gasps)

Mrs. Smoth : Where’s Glenn?

Elaine: You’re the woman from the street and I am so sorry. You know, I’m not really a home- wrecker. I-I-I-I thought he was a super-hero, I swear!

Mrs. Smoth : Lady, I’m not his wife, I’m his welfare case worker. Is he home?

Elaine: This is his home?

Mrs. Smoth: Yes.

Elaine: Then he’s...?

Mrs. Smoth: Poor.

(Glenn climbs back through the window holding a wooden chair)

Glenn: I think this will burn!

[mizzimad]

With all due respect to MysterE, I had to delete the final, inaccurate part of this transcript. Thank you, tvman, for protecting the world from the heathen notion of penguin reincarnation. Let's all work together to make this planet a safer place to live.

[tvmanismadformad]

Deleting that, and on his birthday no less. I don't even get why that would be in there. Transcribing and reporting posts. I'm the whole package ladies. Oh wait, I forgot we don't have any stright ladies on here anymore. Damn!