[MADtv] Episode S01E07 (Aired 1995-11-25)

[Miss Information]

Lowered Expectations-Dave
Let's face it. If your home on a Saturday night watching MADtv, your life must be pretty lonely, so why not try Lowered Expectations. How about Nestor (David Herman), a man of the senses, who is looking for a woman who can taste the difference between sweat, and will get to know him. He also likes sailing, long walks on the beach, and horseback riding. Lowered Expectations, when you've been blown off by the rest, settle for 2nd best.

Credits: Debra Wilson (Lowered Expectations Host), David Herman (Nestor)

Ken Norton Jr. Opening
San Francisco 49'er Ken Norton has come behind the scenes to MADtv to ask if everyone is ready for the show. Artie Lange tells him that it is there 7th episode, so they pretty much have the show down. Ken thinks differently, and says that they all have to be more ready, and they all must go out and give it 110%. He then tells the entire cast to run out on stage and be funny. The cast runs out on stage, pumped up and ready to give it their all.

Credits: Debra Wilson (Herself), Artie Lange (Himself), Bryan Callen (Himself), Ken Norton (Himself), Orlando Jones (Himself), Mary Scheer (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), Phil LaMarr (Himself)

Organ Donors
David Crosby (Hal Havins) says how much he loves his dad (Michael Allen) while fishing off of a dock with him, but his father knows that this is all just a ploy to get his liver. This all turns out to be an ad for Vud Light. After his dad says no, he moves on to his brother (Phil Brock) to see if he can get his liver. That guy also says no.

Credits: Hal Havins (David Crosby), Michael Allen (Crosby's Dad), Phil Brock (Crosby's Brother),

Disruptive Principal
A teacher Ms. King (Mary Scheer) is trying to teach her students Macbeth, but a few kids in the back are being disruptive. The principal Bobby Silcox (David Herman) then comes in, as he will be observing the class. He goes and sits in the back of the room, and as King teaches, Bobby keeps secretly interrupting her by saying things like "bite me" under coughs. King thinks it is one of her students Mr. Landis (Bryan Callen) doing it, and sends him to principal Silcox's office. After Landis leaves, Bobby is still proving to be disruptive by making farting noises. King now thinks it's another student, Arthur (Orlando Jones) and sends him to join his friend Landis in the office. As King goes to write something on the board, a huge spit ball hits the black board. King however, knows now that it is from Bobby, and sends him to his own office, saying "I swear you loved that office so much 20 years ago you just couldn't get enough." He responds with "And your still a bitch." When Bobby returns to his office, he tells Landis, and Arthur to go get a beer run, as they will be having detention at Hooters.

Credits: Mary Scheer (King), Bryan Callen (Landis), Orlando Jones (Arthur), Phil LaMarr (Ted), David Herman (Bobby Silcox)

Lowered Expectations-Phil
Chanin (Phil LaMarr) is a man with a high voice who is looking for a woman with an interest in military history, and likes Dudgeons and Dragons. His idea of a perfect evening is bruising through the latest edition of Jane's Fighting Ships, and playing Star Trek: The Next Generation trivia.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Chanin)

Navajo Football League
Bud Selig (Bryan Callen), and Paul Tagliabue (David Herman), the acting commissioners of Major League Baseball (MLB), and the National Football League (NFL) respectively. They have come to announcer the new owner for teams in both of their leagues, Little Bull (Orlando Jones), who has made money off of the jewellery, mortgages, and money the white people lost to them over the years. So much money that they have been able to buy several sports teams. In lieu of this, they have decided to change the name of some of the teams. In the NFL, the Washington Redskins, and the Kansas City Chiefs, will now be known as the Washington Red Necks, and the Kansas City Land Robbers. In the MLB, the Cleveland Indians, and the World Series champions Atlanta Braves, will now be known as the Cleveland Klan, and the Atlanta Genocidal Maniacs who Raped our Women and Killed Our Children and Banished Us to Die on Reservations but We're Back you Bastards and We've Got Money and this Time it's Going to be Different Braves.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Bud Selig), David Herman (Paul Tagliabue), Orlando Jones (Little Bull), Christine Marquez (Pocahontas), Adam Drescher (Cuz)

Don Martin-Water-Skiing **Animation**
A man is water skiing when he is hit in the face by a metal downed draw bridge. He yells at the operator to bring the bridge up the next time he comes around. The next time, the operator does it, but instead of crashing into the bridge, he crashes into an armoured truck that is falling into the river, due to the draw bridge being up.

Tyson vs. Barty
Fox Sports has replaced the padding in Mike Tyson(George King)'s heavy bag with comedian Billy Barty. Billy asks the crew to tell Mike to hit the bag as hard as he can. Mike takes a pounding to the bag, and when Fox Sports commentator asks him if he knew Billy was in there, Mike says he didn't even know Billy was alive. However, after some of those upper cuts, Billy isn't alive anymore, as he has been pulverised into meat.

Credits: Billy Barty (Himself), George King (Mike Tyson)

Hard to Oppress
This year, 20th Century Fox breaks the hood off of racial injustice. The scene is Alabama in 1963. Governor George Wallace (David Herman) has banned blacks from attending the University of Alabama, but Jack Dawson, played by Steven Seagal (Bryan Callen) wonders when it will be enough, and fights for the brothers in the movie Hard to Oppress: Dark Territory 2. Steven wrote, directed, and produced this movie, and casted Sidney Poitier as the Reverend Tibbs. Tibbs tells him not to fight the man, and to have patients, but Jack doesn't see that as an option. George Wallace III, the grandfather of Governor George Wallace plays his grandfather. Along with Pam Grier (Debra Wilson) playing Rosa Parks, this is sure to be a film not to miss, as Jack, Tibbs, and Rosa, get together to kick some ass for the brothers in Hard to Oppress: Dark Territory 2.

Credits: David Herman (George Wallace III: George Wallace), Bryan Callen (Steven Seagal: Jack Dawson), Phil LaMarr (Sidney Poitier: Deacon Tibbs), Debra Wilson (Pam Grier: Rosa Parks)

Vud Light--Mob
A man, Vinni (David Herman) is wrapped in a sack with his feet in a bucket of cement on a fishing dock. He is about to be killed by a man named Joey (John Murgo), but tries to get him to stop by saying that he loves him. His effort however is for not, as he is dumped in the water anyway. This is all an ad for Vud Light.

Credits: David Herman (Vinni), John Murgo (Joey), Scott Lowy (Louie)

Spy Vs Spy-Funland **Animation**
Black Spy walks by a booth that says Kill the White Spy. He puts in a quarter to play it. The booth shows the Black Spy hitting the White Spy over the head, but the White Spy figurine then falls through the ground, and springs Black Spy up, causing him to be hit by the Black Spy figurine, which is also propelled through the roof of the booth.

Happy Happy Storytime Lady
The Happy Happy Storytime Lady (Debra Wilson) comes to a classroom of elementary school students to read the story Mary and Fluffy Toes. As the story goes on, the Happy Happy Storytime Lady starts to choke up. When they ask her why she is crying, she tells them that she is crying because she is thinking about what happens to lambs when they are killed, and made for eating. She tells the children how they are killed, cut up, and packaged in graphic detail. She then explains to the children that the Happy Happy Storytime Lady is by-polar, and when something makes her happy, she's way to happy, and when something makes her unhappy, she loses it. She then switches to a much more cheerier story, Henry the Baby Harp Seal.

Credits: Ann Walker (Teacher), Nicole Sullivan (Little Girl), Orlando Jones (Little Boy #1), Mary Scheer (Mary), Bryan Callen (Little Boy #2), Debra Wilson (Happy Happy Storytime Lady)

Lowered Expectations-Orlando
Jerry (Orlando Jones) is a loud, obnaucious, illegible man with a huge, harry mole on his face.

Credits: Orlando Jones (Jerry)

Tapeworm Monologue
Mary Scheer dedicates a monologue to someone who is no longer with her, who helped her lose 200 pounds. David Herman, her tapeworm (David Herman). David then comes up from behind the table she is behind, and they both sing a song about him. David wishes to be back inside Mary again, and Mary agrees, and eats David. Mary and David then leave the stage, heading for the donut tray.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Herself), David Herman (David Herman the Tapeworm), Debra Wilson (Herself), Phil LaMarr (Himself), Orlando Jones (Himself)

Don Martin-Fat Freak **Animation**
A man paints on a wall "My wife is an insane fat freak" on a wall. However, it turns out to be on his wife’s behind. His wife is over 50 feet tall.

Math Made Easy
Billy (David Herman) is having trouble understanding his math, but he is soon to find out that he is going to get help by Louis Farrakhan (Phil LaMarr). Louis has produced a math made easy video that helps kids learn math by taking the numbers of historical black things, and events, and putting them together to get the answers.

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Mom), David Herman (Billy), Orlando Jones (Louis Farrakhan Follower), Phil LaMarr (Louis Farrakhan)

Monologue-Dave Foley
Dave Foley comes on the MADtv stage to talk to the audience to talk about how little Americans seem to know about his home country of Canada. Dave talks about the differences between Canada and the United States, like the fact that Canada hates Barbra Streisand, they have provinces not states, and they use the metric system. Canada and the United States both love football but they are both different kinds. Canada's field is 17 miles long, and 6 feet wide, which makes games a little longer. He then talks about the difference in government, sex, and the lack of a Canadian Film Board. He then gets on a big issue, the weather. Yes, Canada is cold, it's air is made of sulphuric acid which makes life impossible, and Canadian's spend 19 hours a day clinging to trees so they are not sucked into space due to the lack of gravity, but at least it has universal health care.

Credits: Orlando Jones (Himself), Dave Foley (Himself)

Vud Light-Devil
Bob (David Herman) pleads to the Devil on a dock that he loves him. The Devil however, still refuses to give Bob his soul back. It all turns out to be an ad for Vud Light. Bob then goes to Jesus Christ (Donald Sager) to ask him, but Jesus also does not wish to help him.

Credits: David Herman (Bob), Donald Sager (Jesus Christ)

Imaginary Friends
a man (Phil LaMarr) is an extremely lonely man. So lonely that he is so connected to the show Friends that he thinks they are in the room with him. He imagines them getting things for him for his birthday, asking him what his favourite birthday is, and the women kissing and having sex with him. When 8:00 comes around, he tells the women to go into the other room, as he will be with them in a half hour. After Friends.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Himself)

Spy Vs Spy-Torpedo **Animation**
The Black Spy shoots a missile from his battleship to hit the White Spy's battleship. The White Spy stretches his out by a spring so the missile will go through it, but the missile splits in half and hits both sides of the ship.

Duck, Duck, Goose
Coming soon from 20th Century Fox. Wesley Snipes is Duck, Sharon Stone is Duck, Arnold Schwarzenegger is Duck, Demi Moore is Duck, Mel Gibson is Duck, Whitney Houston is Duck, and Harrison Ford is Goose. Coming soon to a theatre nearby. Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Duck, Goose: The Movie.

Phil with his Real Friends
Phil and his real friends, the MADtv cast, come to the set of the Imaginary Friends sketch to watch Friends, and close the show.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), David Herman (Himself), Phil LaMarr (Himself), Artie Lange (Himself), Mary Scheer (Himself), Orlando Jones (Himself), Debra Wilson (Himself)

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Starring:

• Bryan Callen (4A/2S/0W/0AF)
• David Herman (3A/6S/1W/0AF)
• Orlando Jones (6A/3S/2W/0AF)
• Phil LaMarr (4A/4S/0W/0AF)
• Artie Lange (2A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Mary Scheer (3A/1S/1W/0AF)
• Nicole Sullivan (4A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Debra Wilson (5A/1S/0W/0AF)

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Special Appearances, Co-Starring, and Featuring

• Ken Norton (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Hal Havins (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Michael Allen (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Phil Brock (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Adam Drescher (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Billy Barty (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• George King (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• John Murgo (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Scott Lowy (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Ann Walker (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
• Dave Foley (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
• Donald Sager (1A/0S/0W/0AF)

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Transcripts:

• Happy Happy Storytime Lady
• Tapeworm Monologue

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Legend:

• (A)ppearance Credit
• (S)tarring Credit
• (W)riting Credit
• Non-Speaking Credit
• (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit

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Lowered Expectations-Dave: I did like the opening with the Lowered Expectations Host saying how pathetic your life must be if you are home on a Saturday night watching MADtv, but as for the sketch, this was one of the lower Lowered Expectations.

Ken Norton Jr. Opening: An odd choice of guest star, and not a very strong opening. The highlight was Debra in this one. She really brought the heat.

Organ Donors: No sketch with any cast members, shouldn't be here.

Disruptive Principal: This one was a really good sketch. The highlight for me was the spitball, and Bobby calling King a bitch before leaving.

Lowered Expectations-Phil: The first few Lowered Expectations were a little rough admittedly. These only really got better once an impression, or a character was developed with a cast member. The highlight was how Phil was able to up his voice. It was quite a good job.

Navajo Football League: For non sports fans, this probably wouldn't have made any sense, but for me, a sports fan, I found this funny. The highlight was all the crazy names he renamed the teams without the leagues permission.

Don Martin-Water-Skiing **Animation**: Read other reviews for pretty much my review on this one. I did like the creativity of the fact that he slams into the bridge and then slams into an armoured truck when the bridge is lifted. That was a highlight if one had to be chosen

Tyson vs. Barty: If you showed this to someone who has never seen it, they would most likely never guess that it was a MADtv sketch, and I wouldn't blame them. The highlight was the doctors unzipping the bag to find that Billy has been pulverized into meat.

Hard to Oppress: This was actually pretty funny. The highlight was Steven singing Mammy with George Wallace III laughing. Seeing as his grandfather was the man that really did it in real life. I also loved Phil saying as Sidney Poitier "they call me Mr. Tibbs".

Vud Light--Mob: I don't like these. They are just not that funny.

Spy Vs Spy-Funland **Animation**: This one was pretty good. It wasn't that creative of a double cross but it was still good.

Happy Happy Storytime Lady: This really should have been a character for Debra. It was not bad. The highlight was when she takes out the lamb from her bag and shows the kids that it's for $2.49 a pound.

Lowered Expectations-Orlando: This was too short, and wasn't really understandable.

Tapeworm Monologue: It was great to see a collaboration in writing, and though I appreciate the effort it wasn't that great. The blooper for this one however, was pretty good. The highlight was David voicing the tapeworm. Just the animated voice was great. I guess that's how he got into voice acting. He's really good at it.

Don Martin-Fat Freak **Animation**: This one was weird, but it actually wasn't too bad.

Math Made Easy: I didn't really get it, mostly because I don't know really who is Louis Farrakhan but it still was funny. The highlight was just how he was able to find a combination to a question by using historical black dates. I hope it was the answer, or else that would have been a real jib.

Monologue-Dave Foley: For Americans, I don't think this would have been that funny, but as a Canadian, I found this hilarious, and no I am not a hermaphrodite. The highlight was him mentioning the differences in football, because everybody (or at least anyone with a brain) knows that the Canadian Football League kills the National Football League every time!

Vud Light-Devil: I really liked the Devil in this. It was great makeup, and the voice was the perfect infliction.

Imaginary Friends: I don't really like Friends, so this didn't really relate with me. The highlight was Phil kissing the women of the show like they were going to have sex with him, just like that.

Spy Vs Spy-Torpedo **Animation**: Well that was good. Not a double cross, but really a triple cross. That's the kind of surprises I like. The highlight was the boat splitting, and then the missile splitting to compensate for that.

Duck, Duck, Goose: I don't like these no actors trailers.

Phil with his Real Friends: Not much to speak of here.

Out of 110 stars, this episode got 62 stars. This wasn't that great of an episode to be honest, and my score reflex's that. It just didn't do it for me.