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Old 08/04/2009, 2:50 AM
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Default Episode S01E04: Ballpark Frank (Aired 2007-12-11)

Open: Robin Williams
Frank TV has a very special guest attending the taping. Famed actor Robin Williams (Frank Caliendo), but every time Frank tries to talk, Robin interrupts him by talking non-sense like talking about Jeff Goldbloom in the Fly, and starts singing the song I'm Singing in the Rain.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Phil Gilford, Himself, Robin Williams)

The NBA crew on TNT, of Ernie Johnson, Kenny Smith, and Charles Barkley (Frank Caliendo) talk about the Denver Nuggets problems with controlling Kobe Bryant, and the Los Angeles Lakers. Charles thinks that the Denver defence is "turrable" and that they need to be all over Kobe just like the world needs to be all over Kim Jong Il (Charles Kim). As they continue to discuss the game, Charles seems to associate everything he says with getting rid of Kim. Ernie asks Charles if he's ever going to talk about basketball, but he responds by saying there won't be any basketball if Kim destroys the world. Later that night, Charles is putting his son to bed by telling him all the problems with Kim. When Charles then goes to bed, he can be seen mumbling how he feels about Kim. Over in North Korea, Kim is watching a broadcast of the NBA on TNT. Infuriated by Charles remarks, he declares "This means war!", and the sketch ends with To be Continued. When the show comes back to Frank, Frank says that whenever it says "To be Continue", that means that the writers couldn't find an ending to the sketch. Frank then says that if anyone has a good ending for the sketch, e-mail the show at FrankTV@NoOneWillReadIt.com.

Credits: Ernie Johnson (Himself), Kenny Smith (Himself), Frank Caliendo (Charles Barkley, Himself), Charles Kim (Kim Jong Il)

A Frank Sitdown: Susan LaBell
Frank Caliendo brings up his co-host for the evening, Susan LaBell, a retired school bus driver from Naciane, Wisconsin. Her favourite actor is Al Pacino, as told by Frank.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself), Susan LaBell (Herself)

Inside the Actors Studio: Al Pacino
Al Pacino (Frank Caliendo) has come on to Inside the Actors Studio with James Lipton (Frank Caliendo) to talk about his new project, which is Al putting himself in movies he was never in, like The Horse Whisperer, The Diary of Ann Frank, and The Miracle Worker. James looks at this as his greatest interview ever, and is going to go back to his hotel room to kill himself, for fear that he will never again be apart, of such a scintillating interview. The scene then returns to the stage, where Frank tells anyone who wants to give their condolences to James to e-mail him at the same address he gave before. He then goes to get a sandwich, leaving Susan to send the show to commercial. [Intro provided by Frank Caliendo, and Susan LaBell]

Credits: Frank Caliendo (James Lipton, Al Pacino), Steve Seagren (Horse Owner), Tessa Germaine (Helen Keller)

Ellen's Endorsement
With Oprah Winfrey endorsing Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton will need to find someone famous to campaign for her if she is to stay in the race for the Democratic nomination. Knowing this, she gets Bill Clinton (Frank Caliendo) to go seduce famed talk show host Ellen DeGeneres into being on Hillary's side. Ellen is reluctant about putting her support towards Hillary, so Bill tries to seduce her by offering sex. When she says that she's gay, Bill wonders if she's even a little bit "Bill-curious". She doesn't want to do it, but with some strong campaign, and a long limo ride around town, she begins to see Bill's way. After a day of driving around, Ellen finally becomes a Hillary supporter. Bill's next job is to get Anderson Cooper on Hillary's side, to which he states "Hillary's going to owe me big time". [Intro provided by Frank Caliendo, and Susan LaBell

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Bill Clinton), Annie Sertich (Ellen DeGeneres)

Michael Richards Non-Racial Stand Up Routine
Michael Richards (Frank Caliendo) comes to the Frank TV show to do a stand up routine, in the hopes of recovering his tarnished image. He tells jokes about Asians, Muslims, and Jews, and the punch lines are all "they are good drivers", and Muslims and Jews walk a similar way. As everyone laughs at the joke, Michael sees that a Blond Swed(Yan Birch)ish guy isn't laughing. Michael begins to collapse, and starts calling him dirty, and wondering if "Ikea makes bathtubs". He then starts making fun of Swedish people’s interests in pornography, as "they don't care if it stars a man, a woman, or a moose!" The Swedish man then leaves, and everyone start taking out there cell phones to record Michael's hatful rant, causing Michael to look for an escape.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself, Michael Richards), Susan LaBell (Herself), Yan Birch (Blonde Swede)

Caliendo's Squares: George Bush #1
It's time for Caliendo's Squares. Today's Square is George Bush (Frank Caliendo), as picked by Susan LaBell. His question is "What two breeds of dogs create a puggle?". George answers that it is "made up of a puppy, and a muggle", to which his Press Secretary (Jeff Rothpan) corrects them and says that George meant a beagle. Susan agrees and disagrees, and is correct. She wins a trip to Phil Gilford's dressing room. Clothing optional.

Credits: Frank Caliendo (Himself, John Madden, George Bush, Phil Gilford), Susan LaBell (Herself), Jeff Rothpan [Frank TV Writer] (Press Secretary)
Archival Footage: Frank Caliendo (Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino, Sean Connery, George W. Bush, Julia-Louis Dreyfus, Michael Richards, James Lipton, Donald Trump)

Close: Caliendo's Squares: George Bush #2
Frank Caliendo closes the show. The credits then roll as George tries to figure out what the 3 branches of the United States government are. [Intro performed by Frank Caliendo, Frank as Phil Gilford, and Susan LaBell]

Credits: Frank Caliendo (George Bush)


  • Frank Caliendo (0A/18S/0W/0AF)

Guest Starring:
  • Yan Birch (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Tessa Germaine (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Ernie Johnson (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Charles Kim (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Susan LaBell (2A/5S/0W/0AF)
  • Jeff Rothpan (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Steve Seagren (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Annie Sertich (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Kenny Smith (1A/0S/0W/0AF)

  • (A)ppearance Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • Non-Speaking Credit
  • (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 08/15/2009 at 3:23 AM.
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