[MADtv] 7AM Condo Report: Hurricane (#1004)

[MJB12]

7AM CONDO REPORT: HURRICANE (#1004)
Sketch length – 5:14

Muriel........................STEPHNIE WEIR
Clifford......................RON PEDERSON
Jelly Mae...................DANIELE GAITHER
Tinsley......................KEEGAN-MICHAEL KEY
Nurse........................PAUL VOGT
Looter.......................IKE BARINHOLTZ
Edna.........................NICOLE PARKER

CLIFFORD: Hello, fellow condo owners. I’m Clifford Bussly, unit 1878, and with me is the humble and vivacious, Muriel Westig.

MURIEL: Unit number 4325, and that’s got parquet floors in the entry and the bathroom. And this is the 7AM abbreviated version of the Boca condo report because there’s a hurricane! It’s a special hurricane!

CLIFFORD: As most of you know, we’re located directly in the path of Hurricane Deandre.

MURIEL: This is the fourth hurricane this month. And this time, I’m going to stick around, I’m not going to miss a single thing! (shows camera) And besides, everytime I leave my condo, something’s missing. They take my things! I came back last time and my empty Cool-Whip containers – gone! Three of my used teabags – gone! And I know who it was, Clifford, it was Edna Globberman...I know where you live Edna! (begins stroke) And I’m going to come back, Edna....and...mmmm...

CLIFFORD: There she goes, she’s having a stroke!

MURIEL: This is nothing but a Category 2, and I’m not evacuating! (pushes through) There we go.

CLIFFORD: Back to Hurricane Deandre. And most of our residents are fleeing as we speak!

Tinsley exits from a door, moving very slowly with his walker.

TINSLEY: Run for your lives! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

MURIEL: Hi, Tinsley! We’re having a hurricane!

TINSLEY: Evening Muriel, Clifford. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!

CLIFFORD: And now, to track the path of Hurricane Deandre, our entertainment slash weather reporter, from unit 2396, Jelly Mae Jackson.

Cut to Jelly Mae, cuddled in her bathtub, clinging her belongings.

JELLY: Lordy now, y’all need to get into your bathtubs. That’s the only place to be safe during a hurricane! Or an earthquake! Or a visit from the priest. See, I got everything I need surrounding me. I got my black Jesus figurine, and pictures of my grandbabies, Fallopia, and Vagisil. I sure do.

MURIEL: Thanks, Jelly Mae, it was wonderful. We’ll see you tonight at the candle carnival.

JELLY: What, no you ain’t girl! ‘Cause you’re gonna be dead ‘cause you’re not in your bathtub!!! Bye, bye!

MURIEL: Bye Jelly Mae! Take care. Clifford, wake up, you’re getting dripped on!

Clifford springs into action, sending his scooter flying around the room. He knocks Tinsley’s walker over.

TINSLEY (falling over): Oh, boy!

Meanwhile, the Nurse is almost hit by a flying cow outside.

NURSE (entering): What are you people doing here? You’re supposed to have left by now!

MURIEL: Yeah, that’s exactly what you and Edna Globberman want!

NURSE (helping Tinsley up): Come on, old man!

MURIEL: That Edna Globberman has had her eye on my button box since the day I met- (stroke begins) I’m at the eye of the storm!!! Go, Rocky, go! (taking picture, pushes out) ADRIAN!

A looter takes a picture off of the walls.

CLIFFORD: Hey, what do you think you’re doing? Looter!

MURIEL: We got a looter, somebody stop him.

CLIFFORD: Hey, I know you! You’re from the Boca Beach Retirement Home!

LOOTER: That’s right, and you ransacked our rec room during Tropical Storm Alejandro! Tit for tat, tit for tat!!

MURIEL: Oh, Edna Globberman! That’s my dresser!

Edna is pulling a dresser along.

EDNA: You mean, was your dresser. You snooze, you lose, Westig.

NURSE (re-entering): Okay, everybody, just go back to your units and get in your bathtubs.

Jelly flies by in the background in her bathtub.

CLIFFORD: Forget your bathtubs, get in your refrigerators!

MURIEL: That’s it, everybody, good night!

[MysterE]

Thanks MJB12!

[Caffeine King]

MURIEL: That Edna Globberman has had her eye on my button box since the day I met- (stroke begins) I’m at the eye of the storm!!! Go, Rocky, go! (taking picture, pushes out) ADRIAN!

It sounded like to me right before she started to have another stroke like "since the 3rd of March"

[MJB12]

I think I need to check the captionings. I should post pictures from this one too.

[elscorcho]

It didn't sound like the third of March to me...it sounded like what you have, MJB12.

[MJB12]

Thanks for taking my side, elscorcho. Damn you, Caffeine King!

I'm kidding...

[Caffeine King]

I guess you're right...it sounds like "the 3rd of March" but I just watched it again and it sounds like "since the day I met" too