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Old 05/18/2004, 5:11 PM
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Default Vancome Lady: Betty Ford Center (#203)

Vancome Lady (Kathy)- Nicole Sullivan
Darren Youdell- Orlando Jones
Tim Farlan- Bryan Callen
Senators Wife- Debra Wilson
Seanators kid- extra little girl
Boss- Phil LaMarr


(Darren walks into the Betty Ford center where the the Vancome Lady is at the front desk)

Darren: Excuse me.

Kathy: Hi. Welcome to the Betty Ford center. How may I help you?

Darren: Now listen, I need to be admitted.

Kathy: Ok, you're just gonna fill out this form... (begins to hand clipboard) Tcha... you know what? I know you. You're that famous outfielder for the Mets, Darren Youdell.

Darren: Look, uh, could you keep it down? I'm tryin' to keep a low profile, alright?

Kathy: Okay, see we here at Betty Ford, we don't exactly consider smokin' Crack and hangin' out with $100 hookers exactly low profile.

(Phone rings)

Kathy: (picks up phone) Hello, betty Ford Center, how may I help you? Ohhh... the national enquirer. Well-- Yes. No, I can not help you. Yes, I am busy admitting Darren Youdell. Bye-bye! (hangs up phone)

(Phone rings again)

Kathy: Hello? Yes, the famous outfielder from the Mets. (hangs up phone) Wow, Mr. Youdell, everyone just loves you.

Darren: Look, lady, what are you tryin' to do? I need help!

Kathy: Okay, if you ask me, it's your wife who needs help. You might wanna get her a helmet. It seems your batting average at home is higher than your batting average on the field.

Darren: Are you gonna help me or not?

Kathy: I'm sorry. See, here at Betty Ford only admit people who've hit rock bottom and let's face it, you can't hit anything. Bye-bye. Thanks for stopin' in. Okay, thank you. Bye-bye

(Darren leaves)

( walks in)

Kathy: Hi welcome to the Betty Ford Center. How may I help you?

Tim: Hey, hey, Tim Farlan. Think you guys have a bed for me?

Kathy: And your occupation?

Tim: I'm the drummer for Tyred.

Kathy: Tchaaa... You know what? Uh Ah. Yeah, no, see, that's not gonna work. Uh, one hit wonders don't make it here at Betty Ford. We haven't heard from your rock combo since 1985. We're saving the Kurt Cobane suite for a Smashing Pumpkin or maybe Stephen Tyler, if he comes back.

Tim: C'mon, I'm really sick. I'm in a lot of pain.

Kathy: Okay, why don't you take that internal pain, make it external, write a song about it, then maybe you could be a two hit wonder.

Tim: You think I could?

Kathy: Yeaaaahhh... no. Bye-Bye. Thanks for stopin' in. Okay... bye-bye. Thank you. Shoo! Shoo!

(Tim leaves)

Over loud speaker: Personell, patient 641 is escaping. (person limping in a strayjacket comes out of elevator)

Kathy: Tcha... you know what? (takes a blowing shooting dart gun and blows dart at escaping patient) Uh Ah!

(escaping patient falls to ground and other workers pick him up and take him away)

(Senators wife and kid walk in)

Kathy: Hi. Welcome to the Betty Ford Center. How may I help you?

Senators wife: Hi. We're here to see my husband. Senator Lipton...

Kathy: Yeah, I bet you're excited to see daddy, aren't ya?

Senators kid: Yeah, he's been clean this summer for 28 days.

Kathy: Yeaaaah.... no. You can't see him. See, we like to keep him sober. And here at Betty Ford, you're what we like to call: Alkies little helper.

Senators wife: What do you mean by that?

Kathy: You do know you're the reason your daddy drinks, don't ya?

Senators kid: But the therapist told me it's not my fault.

Kathy: Oh, yeah, you're cute. Yeah, therapists get paid big bucks to tell those lies.

Senators kid: I hate myself!!! (runs out of center)

Senators wife: How could you talk to my child that way? Who do you think you are?

Kathy: Wow! You're pretty sassy for a codapactin, huh?

Senators wife: I'm calling my husbands lawyer. And I guarantee that by the end of the evening...

Kathy: Ok, ma'am. I can't hear you... LA LA LA LA.

(Senators wife walks out in anger) (Boss walks in)

Kathy: Well, hello there Mr. Vincent.

Boss: That is it. I want you out, out!

Kathy: I assume you don't mean out from behind the desk?

Boss: No, I mean out, as in, you're fired!

Kathy: Okay. Thanks so much for letting me work here at Betty Ford and thanks for the methadone, it certainly took the edge off sleeping with you.

Boss: I'm calling security.

(begins to pick up phone)

Kathy: (Takes blowing shooting dart gun and shoots it at the Boss) (takes phone) Hello, security? Ya, there's a doped up patient here who's trying to escape. I belive he's gonna need some shock therapy. Okay, bye-bye. (hangs up phone) And Bye-bye Mr. Vincent. (walks out)

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Old 03/31/2005, 6:11 PM
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it's not codapictin, it's codependant.

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