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  #1  
Old 10/15/2003, 5:36 PM
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Default Episode S01E19 (Aired 1996-06-22)

Martial Arts #1
It's time for a Martial Arts Moment with 2 complete idiots. In this moment, they show such techniques as the ruin you day, and the snap you neck elbow job, and the birdie diversion.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Martial Arts Idiot #1), Artie Lange (Martial Arts Idiot #2)

Opening
The cast tells everyone to enjoy the show.

Credits: Debra Wilson (Herself), Bryan Callen (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), Mary Scheer (Herself), Phil LaMarr (Himself), Orlando Jones (Himself), Artie Lange (Himself), David Herman (Himself)

Spishak Margarine
A man (Bryan Callen) who works at a construction site is a simple man. He likes his work to be challenging, he likes his sex to be a little rough, and when the lunch hour hit, he just likes it to be him and his lunch. Just himself, and his Spishak Margarine. He likes to eat it on its own. No toast or bagel gets in the way of his margarine. He just grabs a spoon, and digs in. As he says "There's nothing like working outside, and a tub of Spishak Margarine".

Credits: Bryan Callen (Man)

Meet The Folks
Mandy Dunn (Nicole Sullivan) has come home to see her family, but she hasn't come alone. She has also brought her girlfriend with her, Shelly (Debra Wilson). Despite the fact that she told her parents that she is a lesbian already, her parents seem to remain in denial. When she says that they are in love, they think she means they both have boyfriends. When she says that Shelly is the one she is dating, and that they plan to get married, her dad Mr. Dunn (Artie Lange) thinks that Shelly is a man, when she's clearly not. She then starts to get really upset, and just yells out to her parents that she is gay. Now her parents are upset, because she has ruined their years of denial. All of their work is shot to heck in just one evening. Shelly seems to understand the problem, and has an idea. She asks Mr. Dunn why he wants to talk when there's a Chicago Bears game going on? She then asks to see his gun collection. Mr. Dunn, seeing what Shelly is doing, starts to fall back into denial, and the whole family comes together, with their bond being denial.

Credits: Nicole Sullivan (Mandy Dunn), Debra Wilson (Shelly), Mary Scheer (Mrs. Dunn), Artie Lange (Mr. Dunn)

Lowered Expectations-Danielle
Daniele (David Herman) is a single white female looking for a man of any kind, as long as he's not a fat guy, already in a relationship, a base player, a photographer, a foreigners, a guys who live with their mothers, has war wounds, is a daddies, a rough trader, a vegetarians, or a mold maker.

Credit: David Herman (Himself)
Archival Footage: Debra Wilson (Lowered Expectations Host)

Fugitive
A man is on the run from the cops. As they get together to get a search party, the inspector (Bryan Callen) tells them how much of a perimeter they should be covering, but every time he states it, one of his officers comes by saying that they are finding pieces of the perps body all over the forest. As the man begins to get less mobile, the officer changes his perimeter standings. They eventually catch the criminal, but lost some good men beating him into submission, because they could not handcuff him.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Inspector), Nicole Sullivan (Female Officer), Phil LaMarr (Male Officer), Debra Wilson (Woman)

Martial Arts #2
The "experts" perform such moves as the Make Like a Tree so you can't be scene, and then the various clears, like the Dolly Parton clear, and the John Stamos clear.

Credits: Artie Lange (Martial Arts Idiot #2), Bryan Callen (Martial Arts Idiot #1)

Spy Vs Spy- Sidewalk Switch **Animation**
White Spy plans to switch a bag of Black Spy's with a bomb, but when he places the bag down and grabs the other bag, the bag is glued to a fake tile. When White Spy finds out, it is too late, and he blows up.

Party Dad
A bunch of kids are playing spin the bottle in one of their basements, where one (Nicole Sullivan) of their father, Glenn Forest (David Herman) comes in. He thinks that the party they are having is pretty dull, and livens it up by getting them to perform prank phone calls. After one of the kids, Matthew (Phil LaMarr) calls with the standard refrigerator joke, Glenn decides to show them how it's done. He calls one of the kids, Mark Newbor (Orlando Jones) fathers and tells him that Mark has been in a horrible car accident, and that he's dead. When Mark yells over the phone, Glenn hangs up. Glenn then starts to lose it, asking the kids to get naked, and wanting to have sex with one of his daughterís friends (Debra Wilson). He then Decides to play Russian Roulette with the kids, and a real gun. As he tries to get into his gun cabinet, Mrs. Forest comes down stairs. She can see that Glenn does not know how kids have fun, so she sends him upstairs. She then shows them a fun time by stripping in front of the kids.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Matthew), Orlando Jones (Mark Newbor), Nicole Sullivan (Glenn Forest's Daughter), Debra Wilson (Girl), Bryan Callen (Boy), David Herman (Glenn Forest), Mary Scheer (Mrs. Forest)

Lowered Expectations-Budduda
Bodduda (Orlando Jones) is an African man who can fold his ear and make it stick.

Credits: Orlando Jones (Bodduda)

Gumboy and Poker *Claymation*
Gumboy is a sexually ambitions green thing that wants to have sex with anyone. Looking for porn, Gumboy sneaks into his dads room, and finds a Clayboy Magazine. When his mother starts to look for him, he jumps into the magazine, and into the Clayboy Mansion. There, he meet Huge Heffer, who gives him some LSD, which takes him on a trip to a magical field, where he has sex with a girl who turns out to be Alfred E. Numan. Back in the real world, his dad is taking the Clayboy to the bathroom to "give this clay some glaze". When he looks in the magazine, he sees Gumboy, making out with the claymate of the month. Gumboy, all of sudden jumps out of the magazine with the claymate, and due to the acid, throw up on them.

Martial Arts #3
Idiot #2 tries to do the Is This Your Card Trick to Idiot #1, only to have Idiot #1 screw it up because he forgot his card.

Credits: Bryan Callen (Martial Arts Idiot #1), Artie Lange (Martial Arts Idiot #2)

Joey Devanzo
It's time for one of Fox's After School Special. It's Little League Bookie: The Joey Devanzo (Artie Lange) Story. Joey is a bookie, who makes money off of weather his team wins or loses. If any parent gets suspicious on him, he pays them off to look the other way. He also swindles kids into agreeing to his shabby bets, and makes them owe him money, but when things don't turn his way, he calls in his friends to make sure that the kids don't want to collect from him.

Credits: Artie Lange (Joey Devanzo), Mary Scheer (Parent), Rory O'Malley (Tommy), Trevor Einhorn (Gary's Brother), David Herman (Joey Devanzo's Son), Justin Ross (Gary),

Monologue-Harland Williams
Harland Williams has come to MADtv to talk about the problems facing the American school system. They do not teach what should be taught, and against the government recommendation, he is going to teach what is not taught. He is going to teach things like the fact that the hair Michael Boltonís shower drain is 16 feet long, elbow meat is the same texture as a 97 year old womanís nipple, Eskimo children loves bacon sandwiches, and that all kung fu movies are real.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Herself), Harland Williams (Himself)

Lowered Expectations-Carol
Carol (Debra Wilson) is looking for a man. The one thing though that this man must possess is the loving of the lord. He must love the lord, worship the lord, praise the lord, has an undying appreciation for the lord! He must also make at least $200,000 a year.

Credits: Debra Wilson (Carol)

I'll Kick Your Ass
A woman (Nicole Sullivan) is tired of another woman Harnell Fram (Mary Scheer) stealing her food from the fridge. She has had it, and now she's going to kick her ass. As they begin to fight, a call comes in that Harnell has to head to a meeting, and then catch a plane to Philadelphia. The other woman is busy too, so they need to work out a time to fight. They agree to fight in the next week. Just as she leaves, Harnell gets a call that her meeting has been cancelled. Angry, the woman and Harnell decide to go kick the ass of the person who cancelled the meeting, and then kick each otherís ass.

Credits: Mary Scheer (Harnell Fram), Nicole Sullivan (Woman)

Zany and Madcap
Abe Cabfield (Artie Lange) is a talent scout who is looking to sell a couple of stars he found to the producer of Lollapalooza Brice (Phil LaMarr). They're names are Zany (David Herman) and Madcap (Mary Scheer). They are a singing comedy team who have appeared on The Ed Sullivan Show 4 times. There bits include phone calling in the future, and other such kind of lame comedy performances. There comedy is more border line funny, and not really the kind of act Brice promotes, but Abe keeps persuading him, telling him that they will be a hit. Brice tells them that he'll see what he can do, and will call them back, but he is probably just saying this so that they will get out of his office. They are excited, and leave his office.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Brice), Artie Lange (Abe Cabfield), David Herman (Zany), Mary Scheer (Madcap)

Closing
The cast asks the audience if they watched the show, and if they thought it was funny. As the credits roll, Artie gets up and starts gyrating.

Credits: Phil LaMarr (Himself), Mary Scheer (Herself), Bryan Callen (Himself), Nicole Sullivan (Herself), David Herman (Himself), Orlando Jones (Himself), Artie Lange (Himself), Debra Wilson (Herself)

---

Starring:
  • Bryan Callen (3A/5S/0W/0AF)
  • David Herman (3A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Orlando Jones (3A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Phil LaMarr (5A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Artie Lange (3A/5S/0W)
  • Mary Scheer (4A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Nicole Sullivan (3A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Debra Wilson (4A/2S/0W/1AF)
---

Special Appearance, and Co-Starring:
  • Rory O'Malley (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Trevor Einhorn (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Justin Ross (1A/0S/0W/0AF)
  • Harland Williams (0A/1S/0W/0AF)
---

Transcripts:---

Legend:
  • (A)ppearance Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • Non-Speaking Credit
  • (A)rchival (F)ootage Credit
---

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 07/01/2009 at 8:55 PM.
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  #2  
Old 11/18/2003, 11:43 PM
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In episode 119 which is a long time ago for me there was the following sketches i forgot who was in it though

"Martial Arts #1", "Spishak Margarine", "Meet The Folks", "Lowered Expectations-Danielle", "Fugitive", "Martial Arts #2", "Spy Vs Spy-Sidewalk Switch", "Party Dad", "Lowered Expectations-Budduda", "Gumboy and Poker", "Martial Arts #3", "Joey Devanzo", "Monologue-Harland Williams", "Lowered Expectations-Carol", "I'll Kick Your Ass", "Zany and Madcap"

And Harland Williams was the guest star
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  #3  
Old 11/19/2003, 2:02 PM
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What Martial Arts about?

HARLAND WILLIAMS! WOO-HOO!
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  #4  
Old 11/19/2003, 6:55 PM
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im not sure it was too long ago
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Old 12/21/2005, 11:10 AM
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Great episode overall. I can't believe so many people hate the early seasons...I thought they were really good IMO, if somewhat inconsistent. The highlights here were The Joey DeVanza Story, the I'll Kick Your @$$ sketch with Nicole and Mary, and Zany and Madcap. 8/10

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  #6  
Old 12/21/2005, 2:19 PM
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I like the early seasons xCag
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  #7  
Old 05/17/2006, 2:30 AM
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I hated this episode. Easily my least favourite from the first season. The only things that made me even smile were the 2nd martial arts moment when Artie does the "Dolly Parton Menudo Clear!" and Lowered Expectations: Danielle. And neither of them were that funny, to be honest. I was expecting more from Zany and Madcap. Mary and David put in good performances, but the writing wasn't really there. The Joey Devanza story was awful.

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Old 12/07/2006, 6:25 PM
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I hated this episode too, it was DEFINITLEY the worst episode from Season 1, and probably the worst episode from Seasons 1-5 overall. It was just really, really, REALLY bad. My main problem with S1 was, even though if there were a lot of great one-off sketches, there were also some incredibly stupid ones. I.E...anything in this episode. This is in my bottom 3 episodes ever, along with 705 and 716.


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  #9  
Old 04/02/2008, 11:00 AM
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Hey -- just saw this episode on Comedy Central this morning (Apr. 2, 2008). I really want to know who the [hot] young (teenage?) guy is who appears in the Joey DeVanzo (baseball) skit, looking like he's ready to beat up the two little kids he shepherds in.

Thx.
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  #10  
Old 04/02/2008, 11:09 AM
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this episode was HILARIOUS the JOEY DEVANZO skit was the funniest thing I ever seen, someones gotta put it on youtube, or does anyone at least have the script for it please??
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  #11  
Old 07/01/2009, 11:24 PM
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Default Review

Martial Arts #1: These really weren't that funny. The highlight was the outfits. The fact that they didn't fit, and that they were wearing the jock straps on the outside made it funny.

Opening: I really don't know what this was.

Spishak Margarine: The only thing that made this sketch even remotely funny was the fact that he was eating it straight out of the tub, but after the first scoop, you could pretty much tell that it wasn't margarine. Also, it was clearly like lemon ice cream or something. Not funny, and a pretty bad doop.

Meet The Folks: This one was pretty funny. The highlight was Mandy saying over and over again that she's a lesbian and her parents not listening to her. My favourite line was "Mom remember when I was 8 years old, and I use to take off my shirt, and you said "Oh Mandy your such a Tom boy", and then I would say, "No mom, I'm a lesbian!"

Lowered Expectations-Danielle: Not that great, and David was kind of scary in this one. The highlight was him saying that he doesn't like Canadians unless they celebrate the 4th of July, because today is Canada Day!

Fugitive: This one wasn't very funny, and didn't even really seem to make sense. Also, it was going so fast that it was kind of hard to follow. The highlight was when he said that he was missing 3 limbs, because it made me imagine that it was kind of like Anikin in the 3rd Star Wars movie when he was trying to crawl up the hill with only his robot arm as his torso burned from the lava river flow at the bottom of the hill. Watch here. Starts 1:35 in.

Martial Arts #2: This one was the best out of the 3. The highlight was the clearings.

Spy Vs Spy- Sidewalk Switch **Animation**: A lot of the end of season Spy Vs. Spy episodes were a lot of these double cross kinds. This is how it should have been for all of these. The highlight was the name of the bomb. Little Boy, like the atom bomb.

Party Dad: Glenn was funny in this, but only when he started to ask the kids to get naked, and wanted to play Russian Roulette with real guns. The highlight was when Mrs. Forest came in and started to strip.

Lowered Expectations-Budduda: Was the only reason that they did this because Orlando showed them that he could do that ear trick? What an unnecessary sketch! That's like so easy to do!

Gumboy and Poker *Claymation*: I'm not that big of a fan of the animated stuff (outside of Spy Vs. Spy). This one had it's moments, but still, it wasn't that great. The highlight was when Gumboy for a few seconds turned into Eddie Murphy. Hitting the competition, that's how it should have been.

Martial Arts #3: Not that funny, and it just kind of went on.

Joey Devanzo: This had to be the funniest sketch of the episode. I give credit to Artie for remembering all those terms, but since he's such a big gambler, I can see why he would probably know a lot about this. The highlight was when he got Tommy to take a bet that is so complicated, that he's probably going to lose a lot of money because one of those bets is going to fall through.

Monologue-Harland Williams: I usually hate monos, but this one was actually pretty good.

Lowered Expectations-Carol: It was ok, but I would hardly call this a memorable Lowered Expectation. The highlight was when Carol really started to go nuts about God.

I'll Kick Your Ass: Nicole did look hot in this. The highlight was whenever they threatened each other. Nicole looked not mad too. Aw Nicole looks hot all the time. I really did want to see them duke it out though. It would have been hot. Cat fight:cat:!

Zany and Madcap: Wasn't very funny, but it was ok.

Closing: This really should have been a better closing. I mean this is the end of there 1st season! They should have had a special closing. I give them low stars just for not doing that. The highlight was Artie gyrating around, because it's not like anyone did anything else.

Out of 90 stars, this episode got 42 1/2. This makes this episode my only failing episode in this season with a D+. It was bad. It felt phoned in. Maybe it was the fact that it was ran in the end of June, so far from the season. MADtv really did a bad job here. Maybe they'll get a fresher start in season 2. And maybe one day Warner Bros. will release season 2 on DVD! One day we will have season 2 available. One way or another, we will get our episodes.

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