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Old 06/03/2004, 2:05 PM
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Location: Rensselaer, NY
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Default Felicity (#419)

Felicity- Felicity
Ms. Swan- Alex Borstein
Rusty- Michael McDonald
Kathy (Vancome Lady)- Nicole Sullivan


Narrator: Tonight, on a kind of special felicity.

Felicity: (in dorm room, recording journal) Dear Sally, I can't believe it. It's already time. I'm interviewing roommates for next year. I guess anyone will be better than Megan.

(Knock at door)

Felicity: I gotta go. Uh, it's my first interview. 'Kay, bye. (clicks the recorder) (opens door) Hi. I'm felicity.

(Ms. Swan in doorway with luggage, smiling)

Felicity: What's your name?

Ms. Swan: Swan.

Felicity: Is that uh, your first or last name?

Ms. Swan: Yeah, yeah. You know, tha first, tha last name, yeah okey. (walks in)

Felicity: So, um, I just had a few questions, I need to ask you.

Ms. Swan: Okay, I tell you everyting, okay? He looka like a man, okay? Now, CaMon! Now, can I put my clothes away?

Felicity: Uh, no wait, uh, I mean, There are a few things I need to know about you and a few things that you need to know about me. Right?

Ms. Swan: Okay, okay. Tings, yeah okay.

Felicity: Uh, like uh, well, What are you studying?

Ms. Swan: Oh, you know. Everyting I study, yeah.

Felicity: Like um, well, what are you taking?

Ms. Swan: Ohh, taking. Okay, I tell you. I take a little vitamin C, you know? 'Cause I got a little cold. (sneezes) Ooh. Excue me.

Felicity: Yeah.

Ms. Swan: Why? What you taking? Ohhhh... I know. You be college lady. Maybe you take a little pot? (does a pot smoking hinting )

Felicity: What?

Ms. Swan: Yeahhhh, a little devil weed, you do?

Felicity: Uh, no.

Ms. Swan: You take a little Tai stick, maybe? A meda one? Now, you do?

Felicity: Noo. Uh, you know, maybe we're not exactly a perfect match. Just for roommates, I mean.

(Ms. Swan crying)

Felicity: Oh, god.

Ms. Swan: Just go!

Felicity: Uh, wait. This is my room.

Ms. Swan: Yeeah, you go!

Felicity: No, you go! This is my room.

Ms. Swan: You go.

Felicity: You go, yourself.

Ms. Swan: You make me go.

Felicity: No. You go.

Ms. Swan: No. Felicity, go!

Felicity: No!

Ms. Swan: Felicity go!

Felicity: You go!

Ms. Swan: Felicity go!

Felicity: You go!

Ms. Swan: No, Swan go. No, wait. (sits down)

(fades to Felicity interviewing Rusty)

Rusty: And then, when I turned 8, I got rid of all my rabbits and then I started raising guinea pigs. Did you know the proper term for guinea pigs is Cavie?

Felicity: (shakes head) No.

Rusty: Well, it is. I'm not lying. Hehehe.

Felicity: Wow.

Rusty: Yeah, it's Cavie.

Felicity: Rusty, when I said tell me a little about yourself, I didn't think you were gonna start with the day you were born.

Rusty: Which was Tuesday, April 23rd, the same day as...

Rusty and Felicity: Tommy Selici.

Rusty: Yay. You got it right.

Felicity: Yeah, you told me that,

Rusty: Well, you listened and I thank you. Hehehe.

Felicity: Could I actually ask you a few more questions?

Rusty: Sure, go ahead.

Felicity: Okay, um, what kind of courses are you taking?

Rusty: Well, I always take a full load-- I just said load! I'm sorry I just said load.

Felicity: Load?

Rusty: You just said load. Oh my god. We just said load together. Uh oh, we're in trouble. We're going to hell. Where's the handbasket?

Felicity: Wow. You know what? I think I've got enough info for right now. But, thank you for coming by.

Rusty: I have some questions for you. So, uno momento. Okay? That's Spanish. Um, okay, questions for you... What is the square root of pi?

Felicity: Are you serious?

Rusty: No, I'm Rusty! HAHAHAHAHA!! No, what's the square root of pi?

Felicity: Yeah, uh, I dunno.

Rusty: Nobody knows. (giggles) You can't know it. It's a trick question. The number keeps going on and on and on. Hehehe! Isn't that funny? Heh.

Felicity: That was funny.

Rusty: Thanks, I just made it up.

Felicity: Whoa.

Rusty: See how much fun this is gonna be? (writes in notepad) Question number 2... What are you doing this Friday night? (crosses fingers)

Felicity: Besides avoiding you? Heh.

Rusty: That's hilarious! That is very funny! Felicity is Funny. That's what it should mean--

Felicity: Could you leave now?

Rusty: Okay. (stands up and leaves)

(Fades and Felicity is now Interviewing Kathy)

Felicity: You DO know that men aren't allowed to stay in the room over night?

Kathy: Yeah, MMKay, that won't be a problem for me. My men are usually in and out in usually an hour. And then I ask them to leave! Hehehe. See what I...?

Felicity: You- You don't smoke do you?

Kathy: Depends who's under me, sister.

Felicity: I'd really rather not talk about sex and men. I just...

Kathy: MMkay. You don't wanna talk about sex and men? All righty Katie Lang. But, I think you're barkin' up the wrong bush, If you know what I mean.

Felicity: Oh my God...

Kathy: Oh, it's a joke. Christmas on a cracker. Oh, you do need to lighten up, Felicity.

Felicity: You know what? I'm sick of hearing that. College is not so easy, all right?

Kathy: All right, now I'm being yelled at by a cute coed. Oh, I'm so scared!

Felicity: I resent that!

Kathy: Okay, pipe down, little--

(Felicity continues to argue)

Kathy: La La La. La La La. And we're done. So, when can I move in?

Narrator: Felicity and Friends. Only on the WB.

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