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  #1  
Old 02/01/2003, 2:09 PM
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Default Lesbians (#215)

Deana: Mary Scheer
Katie: Nicole Sullivan




(Katie is sleeping in a bed. All of a sudden, the alarm clock rings. Katie gets up and hits the "snooze" button.)

Katie: (sleepily) Stuart, time to wake up.

(Deana wakes up next to Katie in the same bed.)

Deana: Surprise!

Katie: ...Oh... ...Oh... ...Hehe... ...God, Deana... ...Hehe...

Deana: Hey, there, wildcat!

Katie: Wow, what a night.

Deana: Yeah! Well, I guess this means we're lesbians, huh. Whoo! That was great, wasn't it? I feel so free now!

Katie: God, I feel so, uh, hung-over. You want a cigarette?

Deana: No thanks... ...Lover. Oh damn, ouch. Well, everything looks the same.

Katie: Why wouldn't it look the same?

Deana: I don't know. I just thought that now that I'm a lesbian, things might look different, you know?

Katie: Listen, Deana, I'm not sure we're full-fledged lesbians now. You know, I think we were just out, having a couple drinks, and uh...

Deana: And I danced with sweet Saffel all night long--- without having to worry about birth control! Uh, I'm going to get one of those cute spiky hair-cuts. Or do you want to be the butch?

Katie: Oh, no, no, it took me three years to grow this out!

Deana: You're right, you'd make a better fem. Hey, you can be my little lip-stick lesbian! Whoo, we're sisters! Hey, come on, we're hipper than hip! Let's cuddle when we go, woman?

Katie: No, no, um, actually I don't want to--- you know, Deana, I think I was really drunk last night, and I, think it was kinda like a one-time thing, um, I like penises. They make me smile.

Deana: Well, we can always get a male dog.

Katie: Oh-- that wasn't necessary.

Deana: (reaching for phone) Hey, let's call your parents!

Katie: No!

Deana: You're right, let's surprise them and march in a parade!

Katie: No, Deana, I'm pretty sure that I'm a straight woman.

Deana: You're talking like a breeder now.

Katie: I am a breeder! ...I think.

Deana: So does this mean I don't have the softest skin you've ever felt?

Oh, no, no! You do, of course, I've always said that about you, it's just that--- I think I like rough skin, you know?

Deana: Katie, you can't hide behind this denial. I mean, lesbianism! You and me, we'll get a cottage, grow vegetables, make pottery, and wear granny skirts--

Katie: You know, you know, shut up! I am not gay!

Deana: Don't tell me what we did last night wasn't gay.

Katie: It wasn't! Okay, maybe, the, the... ...the thing with the... ...the thing and the leg... ...that was pretty gay. But, um... ...I love my boyfriend!

Deana: Stuart?!!! Ugh! I'm going to settle this right now. (reaching for phone)

Katie: What are you doing? Deana, what are you doing?

Deana: (talking on phone) Hi, Stuart, this is Deana.

Katie: NO! No, don't!

Deana: Katie's a lesbian! She doesn't need your pull of oppression any more! WE'RE QUEER, WE'RE HERE, GET USED TO IT!!!!!

Katie: Stuart, Stuart, I'm sorry, just... ...What?! No, you can't come over and watch! (slams phone down) Listen, Deana, Deana, I'm sorry, things got a little crazy last night, but--- I don't have those kinds of feelings about you. I think we should just be friends, okay?

Deana: (sighs) Okay.... ...So what do you want to do now?

Katie: (sighs) I taped Ellen last night!

Deana: (smiling) I'll get the batteries.

(Katie and Deana smile, Katie snaps Deana's behind with a towel.)

Last edited by MADMADMAD; 02/07/2003 at 10:01 PM.
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  #2  
Old 02/04/2003, 6:24 PM
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HiVolt Male HiVolt is offline
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I think that the line "Katie: (sighs) I taped Della last night!" should have "Ellen" instead of "Della"

They were talking about the Ellen Degeneres show, and she of course was a carpet muncher too...

Otherwise it looks great!

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  #3  
Old 02/04/2003, 6:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by HiVolt
I think that the line "Katie: (sighs) I taped Della last night!" should have "Ellen" instead of "Della"

They were talking about the Ellen Degeneres show, and she of course was a carpet muncher too...

Otherwise it looks great!
Thanks... ... ... Forgot all about that...
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  #4  
Old 07/26/2005, 9:17 PM
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lol! this sketch sound hilarious, cant wait to see it sometime.. Does anyone have like pics from this sketch?

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