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Old 08/04/2016, 3:06 AM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Default Episode S15E03 (Aired 2016-08-09)

Commercial for State Ranch Insurance
A take on "State Farm" Ads. A woman, Alice (Chelsea Davison) is in need of car service, and calls on her State Ranch agent Jerry (Adam Ray). The State Ranch however, finds himself in a compromising position, dressed in an S&M style outfit awaiting a spanking. Despite his predicament, he agrees to help out with Alice's car issue, much to Alice's discomfort. With Jerry unable to help due to his utilities being in his other pants, Alice calls on a new State Ranch agent (Michelle Ortiz). Unfortunately, she gets this new State Ranch agent just as she has finished snorting cocaine, which she flatly denies, saying that she was just "smelling her table mirror". Alice calls out again for a new State Ranch agent (Carlie Craig) only to get one covered in blood proclaiming "They're dead. They're all dead". Alice is now finally done, saying she is going to switch providers "no matter how annoying Flo is" (Flo is the spokesperson for Progressive)

Credits: Chelsea Davison (Alice), Adam Ray (Jerry), Michelle Ortiz (State Ranch Agent #1), Carlie Craig (State Ranch Agent #2)

Open: Debra and Aries
Former cast members Debra Wilson and Aries Spears open the show. Debra says that she loved working on MADtv because they let them do a lot of "urban sketches".

Credits: Debra Wilson (Herself), Aries Spears (Himself)

The Suicide Squad
A concerned college student, Gregory (Amir K) has opened up a suicide hotline to council people at risk of suicide. However, he has screwed up the operation by naming the helpline, and his friends (Michelle Ortiz, Lyric Lewis) who are working on the hotline the name of a hotly anticipated comic book movie released named Suicide Squad. Due to the confusion in the name, people keep calling wishing to talk about how excited they are to see the Suicide Squad movie. As the calls keep coming in, and Gregory is getting more and more angry he finally blows up at a caller. He decides that he is just going to give up on the hotline, and him and the girls decide to go see the movie.

Credits: Michelle Ortiz (Kelly), Amir K (Gregory), Lyric Lewis (Girl), Adam Ray (Spencer (Voice)), Jeremy D. Howard (Caller (Voice)), Piotr Michael (Cameron (Voice))

The Cosby Show 2016
Clair (Debra Wilson as Phylicia Rashad) wants to talk to Cliff Huxtable (Aries Spears as Bill Cosby) about the fact that he didn't put out the garbage last night, and that there are 57 allegations of him with other women. He denies any wrong doing, saying that he is "not worried about the people lying with all the telling of the tall tails and the truves and the not truves you see. It's just a bunch of phony baloney stories." Theo (Jeremy D. Howard as Malcolm-Jamal Warner) and Rudy (Lyric Lewis as Keshia Knight Pulliam), and Olivia (Michelle Ortiz as Raven-Symoné) then come in, as Cliff is throwing a family barbecue and has invited the whole family. Olivia has brought a friend with her, Katy (Chelsea Davison). Theo is attracted to Katy, but can't get his words out. Cliff then invites Katy to sit on his lap and gives her a funny tasting pudding pop. When Clair returns from getting Katy a glass of water, she sees the pudding pop and smacks it out of Cliff's hands. Theo picks it up off the floor and eats it, causing him to pass out. After famed civil rights attorney Gloria Allred (Carlie Craig) comes by to rescue Katy, Cliff then says to Theo "Women love the confidence, they respect the charm, and all of the gibble gobble, but if all else fails, give em a pudding pop." Clair then says that since Cliff didn't take out the trash she will, dragging him by the ear into the kitchen.

Credits: Aries Spears (Bill Cosby as Cliff Huxtable), Debra Wilson (Phylicia Rashad as Clair Huxtable), Jeremy D. Howard (Malcolm-Jamal Warner as Theo Huxtable), Lyric Lewis (Keshia Knight Pulliam as Rudy Huxtable), Michelle Ortiz (Raven-Symoné as Olivia Kendall), Chelsea Davison (Katy), Carlie Craig (Gloria Allred)

Sumbrella the Court Reporter
An old woman Mrs. Williams (Chelsea Davison) is suing a local grocery store for injuries she has suffered falling on a wet floor. When the prosecution, Mr. Derozen (Amir K) asks for Williams's testimony to be read back, the court stenographer Sumbrella (Jeremy D. Howard) doesn't want to do it because she heard what Williams said, and doesn't feel it needs to be repeated. After being pushed, she finally reads it out, but it is a rough interpretation based on her style of speaking and with plenty of added lines that were not, or should not be in the transcript. Derozen is getting more and more frustrated but the judge, Bradford T. Claymen (Piotr Michael) is completely on Sumbrella's side, and is shooting down any attempt of Derozen to keep the case on track. She then claims that the old lady is accused of murder due to a look in her eye. Sumbrella then approaches the bench and asks Williams when she lost her virginity. Before Williams can answer, Sumbrella decides to take her lunch break, which consists of a peanut butter and limburger cheese sandwich. When he forces it on Williams, Williams backs away quickly, revealing that her neck, which is in a brace, is not actually broken. Claymen thanks Sumbrella for cracking another case.

Credits: Chelsea Davison (Mrs. Williams), Piotr Michael (Judge Bradford T. Clayford), Jeremy D. Howard (Sumbrella), Amir K (Mr. Derozen), Adam Ray (Bailiff)

BET Reality Check with Megyn Kelly
Reality Check is back with Tovah McQueen (Debra Wilson) and Belma Buttons (Aries Spears). Buttons is sporting a hairdo that involves a fist protruding from her head with a sign that says "Black Lives Matter" which is the topic of the show. She got it because "Holdin those signs up all day, that's just too much effort." Tovah and Belma have decided that they are going to show how fair and balanced they are by inviting someone from Fox News over to give their side of black issues, news anchor Megyn Kelly (Carlie Craig). As Kelly tries to argue her point by saying "Doesn't all lives matter?" Belma responds that "Black Lives Matter is just a shorter term for what we use to call it, which is black lives matter like everybody else, so please stop killing us for a busted tail light you *bleep*!" When Kelly claims that they are talking over her like they are in a Tyler Perry movie, Tovah and Belma begin their countdown to one of their famous smack downs, saying things like Kelly needs to go see "a barber for that Glenn Close updo (Tovah)" and that she threw so many soft ball questions at Donald Trump during her interview with him that Tovah thought "it was a lesbian picnic!" Belma then remembers that there is a sale on hot dogs at 7 Eleven and that they better run over there before they run out. They leave Kelly in the studio scared, as the area is, as she describes "very urban".

Credits: Debra Wilson (Tovah McQueen), Aries Spears (Belma Buttons), Carlie Craig (Megyn Kelly)

The Hollywood Minute
Alli Nazim Zabed (Amir K) is the self proclaimed number 1 actor in Iran. He hosts the show Hollywood Minute for which he interviews big Hollywood celebrities. On this show, he has "the black lady from the television, Viola Davis (Lyric Lewis)." Despite his acting prowess, he does not seem to know why Davis is there and mistakes her for the roles she has played, like thinking she is a real maid due to her role in The Help. He then plays clips from her show, but they are all bootleg rough cuts with him, his sidekick Sayid (Adam Ray), and his cousin Rashayard (Piotr Michael). When Davis protests that these are just bootleg versions with Zabed as the star, Zabed says that his version are better and that they have won the Iranian versions of the Oscars and the Emmy's to which he says are much better than the originals. Davis then storms off stage, claiming that though Hollywood Minute is not worse than The Wendy Williams Show "it almost is".

Credits: Amir K (Alli Nazim Zabed), Adam Ray (Sayid), Piotr Michael (Rashayard), Lyric Lewis (Viola Davis)

Jeff Goldblum for ShopCo #1
Jeff Goldblum fought the aliens in Independence Day and now he is fighting high prices as the spokesman for ShopCo grocery store. They have Nichelob ULTRA going for $2.99, ice for $2.99, and hot dogs and hot dog buns for $4.99 and $1.99 respectively. As Goldblum sees the products he begins to question things. Why does the hot dogs and exceed the hot dog buns by two? What would one do with the two hot dogs? Give them to a friend who is on a low carb diet? The mystery is abound.

Credits: Piotr Michael (Jeff Goldblum)

Oprah: My Journey with Weight Watchers
Oprah Winfrey (Debra Wilson) and her best friend Gail King (Lyric Lewis) are going to show an audience how Winfrey stays committed to her weight loss goals with Weight Watchers. As Winfrey gets winded and has King take over, Winfrey is starting to realize who the love of her life really is, in King. As they go through the meal plan, with Winfrey substituting healthy ingredients for fattening ingredients and taking more then half of the share of the food. As they eat their potion of a baked potato, King sees that Winfrey has gotten it on her face and licks it off. As Winfrey's husband, Stedman Graham (Aries Spears) comes out, clearly jealous of King and Winfrey's relationship, Winfrey reveals that you can take other peoples "points" (portions) as your own, so she and King are going to take Graham's points. Graham, angry over not eating, lets out a bit of anger by saying "Oprah, I... I demand you feed me you fat bitch!" Immediately regretting what he said. Winfrey relents and feeds Graham and King like they are baby bird. Winfrey ends the segment by saying that "while I get to taste it, they get the points by digestion!"

Credits: Debra Wilson (Oprah Winfrey), Lyric Lewis (Gail King), Aries Spears (Stedman Graham)

Jeff Goldblum for ShopCo #2
Returning to the ShopCo ad. Goldblum is still fretting over the ratio of hot dogs to buns. He thinks it's a conspiracy to buy more buns, and that a person would have to buy 40 hot dogs to make up the difference. He then starts spinning down a rabbit hole of conspiracy and math, adding up that the numbers would equal 66.6, the number of the Devil, and "leaving one person... Incomplete". ShopCo runs a scroll underneath the ad trying to distance themselves from Goldblum's opinions.

Credits: Piotr Michael (Jeff Goldblum)

MADtv Classic: Wing Woman: Kat Von D
#1313

Credits: Bobby Lee (Himself), Arden Myrin (Herself), Kat Von D (Herself)

Jeff Goldblum for ShopCo #3
ShopCo has completely cut off Goldblum from the ad, as he continues to grapple with the Devils connection to the ratio of hot dogs to hot dog buns.

Credits: Piotr Michael (Jeff Goldblum)

Close: Debra, Aries and Cast
Aries Spears is really vibing on the new MADtv cast, and wants to take them all out to a bar he likes called Bullet in your Ass in Inglwood. Lyric Lewis though does not want to go, because she "black but not that black". Carlie Craig though is totally down to go, and wants to ride with Spears.

Credits: Michelle Ortiz (Herself), Piotr Michael (Himself), Amir K (Himself), Aries Spears (Himself), Carlie Craig (Herself), Adam Ray (Himself), Debra Wilson (Herself), Lyric Lewis (Herself), Jeremy D. Howard (Himself), Chelsea Davison (Herself)

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Starring:
  • Carlie Craig (3A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Chelsea Davison (3A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Jeremy D. Howard (2A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Amir K (2A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Lyric Lewis (3A/2S/0W/0AF)
  • Piotr Michael (3A/3S/0W/0AF)
  • Michelle Ortiz (3A/1S/0W/0AF)
  • Adam Ray (4A/0S/0W/0AF)

Guest Starring:
  • Aries Spears (1A/4S/0W/0AF)
  • Debra Wilson (1A/4S/0W/0AF)

Special Appearances:
  • Bobby Lee (0A/0S/0W/1AF)
  • Arden Myrin (0A/0S/0W/1AF)
  • Kat Von D (0A/0S/0W/1AF)

Legend:
  • (A)cting Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • (A)rchival (F)ootage

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Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 10/05/2016 at 2:35 AM. Reason: A Little Bit of Cleaning Up
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