Thread: [MADtv] Midnight Golfer (#105)
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Old 10/15/2002, 6:08 PM
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blackwind Male blackwind is offline
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Join Date: Dec 1969
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Post Midnight Golfer (#105)

Synopsis:

This is a sketch from the early days of MADtv about an office worker (Bryan Callen) commenting on a co-worker (Artie Lange) to another co-worker (Phil LaMarr). The catch is, Bryan uses a variety of euphemisms that Phil doesn't understand.

Cast:

BC: Bryan Callen (Office Worker A)
PL: Phil LaMarr (Office Worker B)
AL: Artie Lange (Roger)

Script:

BC: Hey, check out the shirt Roger's wearing today.

PL: Yeah. Nice shirt.

BC: You know what I heard about Roger?

PL: What?

BC: The guy's a midnight golfer.

PL: What?

BC: He's a midnight golfer -- Roger.

PL: He's a midnight golfer, he likes to golf at night?

BC: Yeah, he's a midnight golfer.

PL: I don't know what you mean.

BC: Roger's a window jockey.

PL: What are you talking about?

BC: He's got an above-ground pool, know I'm saying?

PL: No.

BC: His peanut butter's a little crunchy.

[Phil looks puzzled]

BC: He learned metric years ago; the guy's hat's got no brim.

[Phil looks puzzled]

BC: The guy works in a paperclip factory. His bus has no seats.

PL: What are you saying!?

BC: Roger.

PL: Yeah.

BC: The guy over there.

PL: Yes.

BC: He's got a sink full of turtlenecks. He's a weather baby; his lawnmower runs on ginger ale.

PL: WHAT!?

BC: The guy has got a license to farm in the city. He stuffs his turkey with marbles.

[Phil looks puzzled]

BC: He's got a bowl full of magic markers in his garage.

[Phil looks puzzled]

BC: The guy wears sunglasses in the sauna; he's a four-way mirror; he's a cup full of rocks.

[Phil looks puzzled]

AL: Hey! You guys talking about me?

PL: No, no, no.

AL: Yes you were -- I heard what you were saying.

PL: He said it! He said all those things about you! I didn't say anything!

AL: Yeah, and I just wanted to let you know I appreciate it man, thanks for all the compliments. That was nice of you.

BC: I meant 'em all too; you're a really nice guy.

AL: Alright man.

PL: Well hey, Roger, I think that you've got all your lamps in one submarine!

AL: What'd you say to me?

PL: I said you've got all your lamps in one submarine...

AL: You callin' me gay?

PL: Uh, no, I--I don't think so.

BC: You said he had all his lamps in one submarine!

AL: Where do you get off calling me gay?

PL: I--I don't! I--

BC: And so what if he was, huh? You've got a real problem, you know that? You've got a real problem.

[BC & AL begin to leave]

PL: No! I didn't know what I was saying, I didn't mean that! I meant that you... are a midnight golfer!

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