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Old 05/03/2008, 4:30 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2002
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Default Episode S13E16 (Aired 2008-05-17)

Eric Violette: "The Credit Card Song"
Eric Violette (Dan Oster) sings another one of his famous credit card songs about how something always seems to go wrong with them. This time, he sings about how credit card companies constantly send offers to high school students. His latest situation consists of him being sent to jail for being in an $80,000 debt. To survive, he mentions how he joined a Nazi gang and became the prison bitch to a large guy named Fang. During a prison riot, he and his gang escaped. Eric continues by singing about how he decided to be a drug mule smuggling cocaine from Mexico; sadly, the cocaine-filled condom he swallowed broke in his stomach. In the end, Eric is stuck living in a soggy cardboard box with his prison buddy, Fang.

Credits: Dan Oster (Eric Violette)

Dr. Phil: The Spears Family
Dr. Phil (Michael McDonald) is back with another exciting episode of his hit show, with the topic being "revenge." He starts with a quick anecdote of the time he tried to intervene in Britney Spears' life and was thrown out of the hospital she was staying in. He compares that scenario to a gay guy being kicked out of a musical. To get back at the Spears family, Dr. Phil tricks them into accepting an interview with Barbara Walters, who will actually be Dr. Phil in a Barbara Walters wig. The Spears family arrives intact: Britney (Nicole Parker), Jamie Parnell Spears (Dan Oster), Lynne Irene Bridges (Crista Flanagan), Jamie-Lynn Spears (Arden Myrin), and their unknown brother Bryan. When it's revealed that Dr. Phil is behind the plot, he keeps the family seated by brandishing his two guns, tweedle-dum and tweedle-dee. Dr. Phil scares off Bryan Spears, telling him how everyone in America is unaware of his existence. Dr. Phil tells them he plans on knocking the crazy out of them, but Britney insists that she isn't crazy anymore. She's had three weddings -- one of the spouses being someone she actually knew -- and she's drinking out of a big girl cup now. Dr. Phil asks Britney if she isn't crazy anymore, then why her "jiblets" are hanging out like a nickel-hooker at biker rally. He tells one of the cameramen to get a shot of the train of craziness, which exposes the Spears women's privates. Dr. Phil says the last time he saw that many clams, it was seafood night at The Sizzler. Lynne tells him that he's one to talk, because he whores his name out to every diet book and self-help CD collection he can get his hands on. Dr. Phil interjects by saying that his Tangy Maple Bacon Salad Dressing is the best thing out there, and it's "bacontastic." Shortly after, Jamie-Lynn's water breaks, and Dr. Phil decides to help in birthing the baby by pretending he's a real doctor. Jamie Parnell cuts him off, saying that if he touches his daughter, he'll take Dr. Phil's mustache and shove it up his "Phil-hole." Britney stops the fight by helping her sister give birth to multiple babies. The show ends with Dr. Phil telling the audience that everyone is leaving with a baby, something unique to top Oprah's giveaways.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Dr. Phil McGraw), Nicole Parker (Britney Spears), Dan Oster (Jamie Parnell Spears), Crista Flanagan (Lynne Irene Bridges), Arden Myrin (Jamie-Lynn Spears)

Spin Up!
The latest joint all about the moves brings us the story of Budanian Washington (Jordan Peele), a good kid who is upset that his mother (Daheli Hall) is drinking and smoking her life away. She reveals that she has neck cancer and is in need of surgery. As a means of earning the money for her surgery, Budanian seeks out an old man (Keegan-Michael Key) who provides him with a sign; all he has to do is spin it. Three schoolgirls approach him, and one schoolgirl (Crista Flanagan) gives him her number. Budanian runs into trouble when a Latino thug (Johnny Sanchez) takes his sign and breaks it in half. The old man returns to help Budanian train for the spinning competition, even going as far as stapling the sign to his hands. Budanian returns home to his mother who tells him that her cancer has gone...to her brain. He comes across the schoolgirl from earlier, and it's revealed that she's afraid he could get killed in the competition. To everyone's dismay, Budanian decides to "Spin Up" to help his mother.

Credits: Jordan Peele (Budanian Washington), Daheli Hall (Mrs. Washington), Keegan-Michael Key (Trainer), Crista Flanagan (Schoolgirl), Johnny Sanchez (Latino Thug)

24 with Bobby Lee: Dave Navarro
Famous guitarist from alternative rock groups Jane's Addiction and Red Hot Chili Peppers, Dave Navarro (himself), stops by Bobby Lee's apartment. He plans on teaching Bobby the magic of scrapbooking, but has a hard time waking Bobby up. He goes as far as tattooing "Wake Up" on Bobby's lower back and even playing his guitar to the point where Bobby's ears begin to bleed. Bobby finally wakes up, and Dave notices a large "love boil" on his body. Bobby wonders how he got it, as Dave tells him that love boils come from having sex in public places, and that our American culture finds them to be grotesque. Dave tries several methods of removing the boil, from hitting it with a fly swatter, burning it with a lit cigarette, and even sanding it. His next plan is to use Mexican Black Magic, which fails to work because it turns out to be a deceit boil instead. Dave asks Bobby who he had sex with, and it turns out to be a blind girl named Chelsea, whom Bobby lied to claiming he was Zack Efron. Dave tells Bobby the only way to get rid of it is to tell Chelsea the truth -- that he is not Zack Efron. He invites her over and confesses that he is actually Bobby Lee from MADtv, and Chelsea vomits in disgust. The two decide to have make-up sex, along with Dave and the Armenian guy locked in Bobby's closet.

Credits: Bobby Lee (himself), Dave Navarro (himself), Sandy Danto (Armeanian Man)

Fave 5: Oprah Winfrey
Oprah Winfrey (Daheli Hall) shares her Fave 5, which happen to be Tom Cruise, her island, JJ's Yachts and Donuts, Brinks 24-hour delivery and pick-up service, and Barack Obama.

Credits: Daheli Hall (Oprah Winfrey)

Coach Hines: Paintball Massacre
Coach Hines is back with the students from St. Francis High School. This time, Coach Hines and his students are at Tony's Paintball Park. Coach Hines starts off the day by telling Yamanashi (Bobby Lee) to shut it. The group is there to engage in a paintball match with the Norman Schwarzkopf Military Academy for Delinquent Boys. LaPrince (Jordan Peele) is intimidated by their size and wants to surrender. Coach Hines and his team decide to charge in, only to retreat from the first round. He yells at Yamanashi for having a siesta in the middle of the playing field while the enemy team fired at his "sweet and sours." Coach Hines' next plan involves creating a diversion that will allow him to take the flag by using a reach-around. Yamanashi jokes that the coach has lots of experience with the reach-around. Coach Hines tells him that he dreams of the day medical science will allow him to shrink to a microscopic size, so that he could be injected into his spinal fluid. From there, he will travel to the brain meat and take a pill to grow back to normal size, which will cause Yamanashi's head to explode, rendering his body into a pink mist. The team charges in once again, only to retreat a second time. This time, they are forced back because Yamanashi fired at his own team. LaPrince decides to do a cheer, when Yamanashi notices a sneak attack approaching. Everyone flees except for Yamanashi and Coach Hines, while the rest of the team is shot down. Yamanashi is down, and Coach Hines pleads that he make it through. When Yamanashi wakes up, he believes the coach is in love with him.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (Coach Hines), Bobby Lee (Yamanashi), Jordan Peele (LaPrince)

Fave 5: Simon Cowell
Simon Cowell (Michael McDonald) shares his Fave 5 with the audience, which consists of Sanjaya, Ryan, a tea pot, Mel Wade for Couples Counseling with Ryan, and Phil from the Man Boob T-Shirt Warehouse.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Simon Cowell)

Castmate Elimination Show
In an attempt to generate high ratings like American Idol, MADtv has decided to eliminate one of six cast members: Keegan (himself), Johnny (himself), Arden (herself), Crista (herself), Bobby (himself), or Ronnie. Ryan Seacrest (Dan Oster) turns the floor over to the judges for their last thoughts. Randy Jackson (Jordan Peele) says that Keegan's rhyming bus character was "aiiight" and that Johnny plays Mexican too much and it can be pitchy sometimes. Paula Abdul (Nicole Parker) tells everyone they're all Mexican stars, while Bobby is merely a Chinese throwing star. Bobby corrects her and tells her that he's Korean. Paula tries to explain what type of star he is, but ends up clapping instead. Simon Cowell (Michael McDonald) tells Arden and Crista that, in their "Feces Tea Party" sketch, they were unfunny, unlikeable, unsexy, and he wishes they were unalive. Ryan announces that Keegan, Johnny, Arden, and Crista are safe, while Bobby and Ronnie are in the bottom two. Bobby is eliminated, and instead of showing a montage of his work, a video of him eating backstage is shown instead. Shortly after, Ryan gets word from the producers that Ronnie is a male stripper, lampooning the David Hernandez scandal earlier in this season's American Idol. Bobby is told he is staying on MADtv, and Ronnie is eliminated instead.

Credits: Dan Oster (Ryan Seacrest), Keegan-Michael Key (himself), Johnny Sanchez (himself), Arden Myrin (herself), Crista Flanagan (herself), Bobby Lee (himself), Jordan Peele (Randy Jackson), Nicole Parker (Paula Abdul), Michael McDonald (Simon Cowell)

Grand Theft Auto: The Board Game
Fun and excitement reaches a family when the father (Michael McDonald) comes home with the new Grand Theft Auto board game based off of the original video games. Each family member picks their character: the father picks a hooker, the daughter (Crista Flanagan) picks Leroy, the cocaine kingpin, and the mother (Arden Myrin) ends up with the hooker's pimp. The son, Ricky (Dan Oster), ends up with a brick of uncut cocaine, which is actually made up of sugar and crushed aspirin tablets. His sister lands in jail and decides to get a prison tattoo on her neck. Their father shoots his wife next, and the wife reveals her wound was merely fake blood. Ricky ends up taking over all of the South Side, which leads his sister to burn her family with a flamethrower. The announcer tells everyone that Grand Theft Auto: The Board Game is not responsible for any real crime committed, and that all cars must be carjacked themselves.

Credits: Michael McDonald (Father), Arden Myrin (Mother), Crista Flanagan (Daughter), Dan Oster (Ricky)

Sesame Street: Economic Depression
The latest installment of Sesame Street brings the action out to a different street entirely. Big Bird (Jordan Peele) is spotted under a tree by his two younger friends, Billy (Bobby Lee) and Sally (Crista Flanagan). They ask him why he isn't on Sesame Street, and he tells them that the big bank took away his nest when he defaulted on his adjustable rate mortgage. He tried to move back in with his parents, but they denied him because they think Bird is weird for hanging out with children 30 years younger than him. Gordon (Keegan-Michael Key) pops by with an ice cream cart, saying he was fired from whatever it was he did before. The reason for such downfall is the depression in the economy. The gang sings a song about the economy being depressed, how real estate goes down when oil prices go up, and that with all the depression, the United States still has money to fund a couple of wars. Next, Billy comes across Cookie Monster (Dan Oster) who tells him that he ate too much sugar which led him to develop diabetes. Since he has no health care, Cookie was forced to cut off his own foot, and is now an amputee. Sally has hope that things will change under a new president, but Gordon is convinced that such a thing won't happen, and Bird says that the president is an even bigger puppet than he is. Gordon proposes that the kids come work for him, because his ice cream cart doubles as a crystal meth lab.

Credits: Jordan Peele (Big Bird), Keegan-Michael Key (Gordon), Bobby Lee (Billy), Crista Flanagan (Sally), Dan Oster (Cookie Monster, Vocabulary Boy), Arden Myrin (Vocabulary Girl)

Fave 5: Beyonce Knowles
Beyonce Knowles (Daheli Hall) shares her Fave 5 with the audience, which consists of people such as Jay-Z and the pretty girl from Destiny's Child (as Beyonce puts it), who is actually Kelly.

Credits: Daheli Hall (Beyonce Knowles)

Luann Lockhart: The Return
Luann Lockhart (Crista Flanagan) is back to perform her stand-up routine. She opens by talking about the summer and an incident in particular when she went sunbathing and woke up to a dirty Mexican man peeing all over her. This led to her developing hepatitis. She then tells everyone about how she wanted to breakup with her boyfriend for stealing her ATM card, and how her boyfriend responded by saying, anything he gets from her, he can get on the internet. Luann heads out to work the audience, but quickly retreats when it's revealed her subject is from Russia. She continues by launching into her impressions, two of which are Jeff Probst and Ty Pennington. Her third impression is "will you accept this rose," which turns out to be the Mexican man who peed on her. Luann thanks the audience and runs away. [Intro provided by Keegan-Michael Key.]

Credits: Crista Flanagan (Luann Lockhart)

Commercial: Feed The Babies
A commercial is shown to encourage donations to feed starving children. By giving money, the children get more privileges, such as god and deity status with power over the weather and death.

Credits: Jordan Peele (Announcer)

Closing: Keegan & Cast/Coach Hines Outtakes
Keegan and the cast wrap up Season 13 and tell everyone they will be back in September. Outtakes of the Coach Hines sketch are shown.

Credits: Keegan-Michael Key (himself), Crista Flanagan (herself), Bobby Lee (himself), Michael McDonald (himself), Arden Myrin (herself), Nicole Parker (herself), Jordan Peele (himself), Johnny Sanchez (himself), Daheli Hall (herself), Dan Oster (himself)

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Starring:
  • Crista Flanagan (5A/2S/0W)
  • Keegan-Michael Key (5A/2S/0W)
  • Bobby Lee (4A/2S/0W)
  • Michael McDonald (4A/1S/0W)
  • Arden Myrin (4A/0S/0W)
  • Nicole Parker (2A/2S/0W)
  • Jordan Peele (5A/3S/0W)
  • Johnny Sanchez (2A/0S/0W)
Featuring:
  • Daheli Hall (4A/0S/0W)
  • Dan Oster (5A/2S/0W)
Special Appearances:
  • Dave Navarro
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Legend:
  • (A)cting Credit
  • (S)tarring Credit
  • (W)riting Credit
  • Non-Speaking Role
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As always, don't forget to submit your full review, vote for your favorite sketch, and rank this episode using our forum's thread rating feature. We look forward to hearing your thoughts!

Last edited by tvmanismadformad; 04/24/2009 at 11:22 PM.
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