Since rock-and-roll music and Lifetime Television are practically synonymous with each other, it is only fitting that "MADtv" headbanger extraordinaire Nicole Sullivan be given the chance to strut her stuff in "Rita Rocks," her new pilot for the vagina-friendly network. (Well, at least the second half of the previous sentence is sincere.) Given Nicole's lack of success with major-network pilots, her devoted fans can only hope that this cable-oriented endeavor will at last propel her, or at least help propel her, to the level of success she richly deserves. Start tuning up your Stratocaster as you groove to this series description from the Futon Critic:

"Nicole Sullivan ('The King of Queens'), Richard Ruccolo ('Two Guys and a Girl') and Tisha Campbell Martin ('My Wife and Kids') have been tapped for the lead roles in the comedy pilot, about an overworked wife and mother in the middle of a full-blown identity crisis who starts a garage band with her postwoman and neighbor. Sullivan will play the title role of Rita Clements, who's further detailed in the casting notice as: 'Mid 30s-Mid 40s, any ethnicity.' A straight shooting wife and mother whose charisma shines through her mundane world of minivans and bulk shopping, Rita is a harried working mother of two. She spends every waking hour trying to whittle down her to-do list and in between working for Bed Bath & Beyond, cooking for her family and ferrying her two kids hither and yon, Rita fears that she has no time to herself, and that her killer schedule is taking away the sparkle from her eyes. Very happy in her marriage to Jay, and able to keep her daughter Shannon more or less in line (her daughter Hallie is another, darker story), Rita decides that her life needs a teeny-tiny slice for Rita all alone -- and when she starts her own garage band with Patty [Martin] and Owen, the light comes back into her life."

Shooting for "Rita Rocks" is scheduled to begin this month. Assuming that the series is picked up, we do not yet know whether it would be a summer replacement series or whether Lifetime would prolong diehard Sullivan fans' agony until the fall. (Or would the agony begin then? Time will tell, I guess.) Because Nicole's history of pilots contains more tragedies than a Shakespearean tome, perhaps there is not much reason to get overly excited by her latest venture; then again, maybe cable will be kind to the "MADtv" alum in ways that have eluded her on the major-network circuit. Thus, can one assume that the Golden Lady will use her newest fret-fest of a comedic role to grind an axe with the television industry? At any rate, if you wish to ascend this potential stairway to heaven with Nicole (and in turn bash me over the skull with your own axe for subjecting you to these painful puns), then get ready to plug into Lifetime Television for "Rita Rocks." Thank you, Planet MADtv -- good night!

Those wild and crazy "MADtv" cast members are just popping up everywhere these days! Never fear, for "Rapid-Fire Appearances" is here to bring you up to speed.

Let's kick things off with the golden lady herself, Nicole Sullivan. Not even married life can hold back our gal, who will appear in a star-studded episode of "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" in January 2008. Because the storyline for this "CSI" episode revolves around a rodeo, it's only fitting that professional cowboy Ty Murray be one of the guest stars, along with his girlfriend, singer and occasional actress Jewel. In the ultimate act of "yee-haw" showbiz nepotism, the episode will also feature Brendan Wayne (grandson of John) and Shooter Jennings (son of Waylon and Jessi Colter). Although we do not yet have further details on exactly how Nicole's character will fit into this whole, crazy scheme, feel free to read this article for more information, partner.

Do you have DirecTV? Neither do I, but subscribers may want to catch Aries Spears and Jeff Richards together in an upcoming episode of "The Supreme Court of Comedy." The series, which will air on DirecTV's general entertaiment network, the 101, has quite an unusual premise:

"'The Supreme Court of Comedy,' exec produced by Jonathan Murray, features real cases originally brought before small claims courts in California that will now be presided over by comedian Dom Irrera at the Laugh Factory in West Hollywood. The 'counselors' representing the plaintiffs and defendants will be alternating comedians.

Matchups include Sinbad vs. Tom Arnold, Tom Papa vs. Victoria Jackson, Jamie Kennedy vs. Aries Spears and Jeff Richards, and Tommy Davidson vs. Paul Rodriguez. Ten episodes have been ordered."

Although there is no word yet on when Aries and Jeff's episode will air, we will keep an eagle eye out for details. Will these "MADtv" alumni win their "case"? Will anyone without DirecTV give a rat's patootie? Drama ensues!

It's official: Orlando Jones never sleeps. In 2008, the Big O will add director R.A. White's comedy film Ye Olde Times to his mile-long resume. The film's plot involves two rival Renaissance fairs -- one cheesy, one priding itself on "serious productions of real Shakespeare." (Orlando's character belongs to the latter.) Jack Black, David Arquette, and Matthew Lillard will also join in "ye olde" fun. Curiously enough, no actresses are listed in the credits so far. The author of this article speculates on the possibility of man-love among the characters; however, the most likely scenario is the other she mentions: the old-school theater practice of having the male actors play both the male and female roles, thus negating the need for female actors. Oh, Orlando, what delectably daffy projects await your fans in the near future?

Finally, Phil LaMarr will appear in the 2008 Jonathan Fahn film Old Dogs, which centers around three men in their seventies who mistakenly pick up a bag of cocaine and find themselves caught between the police and the mob. Logic, as well as respect for the forty-something Phil, tells us immediately that his character, Joe, is not one of the three old men mentioned in the movie's title; however, at least from what we can gather, Phil does appear to have a sizable role in the comedy/drama, which stars John Saxon, Basil Hoffman, and Larry Gelman as the "old dogs." Can you teach an old "MADtv" cast member new tricks? Check out Phil at a theater near you to find out.

It appears that the nonviolent, rapid-fire gun is out of blanks for the time being. Do not be dismayed, though, because before you know it, the bullet chamber will once again be loaded with information on "MADtv" cast members' film and television appearances. Now that I have extended this unnecessary metaphor well past its target, all that is left to say is the following: stay tuned for more "Rapid-Fire Appearances"!

UPDATE (01/10): Nicole Sullivan's "CSI" episode debuts tonight at 9:00pm EST on CBS. Don't miss it!

UPDATE (02/25): Thanks to this article, we can now confirm that Ye Olde Times does indeed have at least one female star. Don't get too excited; it's just Lindsey Lohan. Although we still do not have word on exactly when this Orlando Jones extravaganza will be completed, a spring release seems realistic.

Because things tend to pile up with so many MADtv cast members making their rounds in showbiz (50 and counting), I've decided to kick off what will likely become a regular feature here at the site: "Rapid-Fire Appearances". In short, these articles will dispense with (most of) the usual journalistic fluff and cut straight to the chase on the latest cast appearances set to grace your television/movie screen in the near-future. Got it? Then let's begin!

First off, Artie Lange announced on Conan O'Brien a few weeks back that he will once again be appearing on Rescue Me this season. The usual first-stops for guest star listings -- IMDb, TV.com, et al -- were less than helpful at the time (and still are, in fact), but we've just learned that Artie's first appearance aired on July 25th. He, apparently, has a recurring role, so those who are interested will want to check out tomorrow night's episode. Rescue Me airs at 10:00pm EST Wednesday nights on FX.

Coming to ABC Family this August is Slacker Cats -- a new animated series featuring everyone's favorite long-departed cast members, Nicole Sullivan and Alex Borstein! For the benefit of those who didn't immediately skip ahead to the next item after seeing "ABC Family", here's the overly-detailed synopsis:

"Slacker Cats" follows two buddy cats, Buckley and Eddie, who slack their way through various unimpressive adventures. The half-hour, prime-time animated comedy series features the voices of Harland Williams, Sinbad, Kiersten Warren, Nicole Sullivan, Niecy Nash, Alex Borstein and legendary cult stand-up Emo Philips.

Does the show's prime-time slot indicate that we're in for something potentially appealing to those over the age of six? Tune in next month to find out!

Anyone remember Simon Helberg? Me neither. Nonetheless, this former MADtv featured player has landed himself a gig on the new CBS show, The Big Bang Theory, which features a premise I can only assume was lifted directly from my life:

THE BIG BANG THEORY is a comedy from the Emmy Award nominated Co-Creator and Executive Producer of "Two and a Half Men" Chuck Lorre, about brainy best friends Leonard (Johnny Galecki, "Roseanne") and Sheldon (Jim Parsons "Judging Amy"), who can tell you anything you want to know about quantum physics, but when it comes to dealing with everyday life here on earth they're lost in the cosmos. Neither fully understands that scientific principles don't always apply in matters of the heart - until they meet their sexy new neighbor Penny (Kaley Cuoco, "8 Simple Rules..."), a friendly screenwriter/waitress from the midwest who also happens to be newly single. She quickly makes an impression on the other members of Leonard and Sheldon's geek squad - Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"), who portrays himself as the Casanova of Cal Tech, and fellow whiz kid Rajesh Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar, "NCIS"), who is rendered speechless around anyone unprepared to converse about the Theory of Relativity or other scientific jargon. The chemistry between this gaggle of geniuses and a delightful damsel is about to undergo a stimulating series of inter-personal experiments.

The Big Bang Theory, eh? Oh, CBS -- what a wicked web of punnery you weave! Monday nights starting September 24th. 8:30pm EST. CBS. Be there. [Or not.]

Frank Caliendo fans will be pleased to learn that his new show, "The Frank Show" (one of the more imaginative titles to ever come out of Hollywood), is set to premiere on TBS "this fall". November 20th is the tentative premiere date, but this is subject to change between now and then. To whet your appetite, a number of preview clips have been made available for streaming on TBS.com. Why not check them out? Frank would do it for you if *you* were on TV!

Finally, in Phil LaMarr and David Herman news, details on the return of Futurama have finally surfaced! According to TV Squad:

Futurama is back, and now we know in what form. The show will return on November 27th as a full-length high-def film sold on DVD. It will be followed by three additional films, and each film will be divided into four episodes each to be aired on Comedy Central. So, that's 4 DVD movies or 16 new episodes depending on how you look at it.

Exciting news indeed for Futurama fans and nerds in general! I can almost count the number of days before the inevitable leak!

Special thanks go out to mizzimad for the Slacker Cats and Big Bang Theory leads. Join us again next time for another episode of Rapid-Fire Appearances!

US Magazine is reporting that Nicole Sullivan gave birth to a boy on Saturday, May 12th -- just in time for Mothers Day -- through a C-section. Nicole and her husband, Jason Packman, have named their son Dashel Pierce. He weighed 8 pounds, 12 ounces when he was born.

Congrats to Nicole! I'm sure she'll be a great mom.

Sorry guys, Nicole Sullivan is a married woman now.

While I'm not sure of the exact date of her wedding, Nicole got married this summer, according to Debra Wilson. She and actor Jason Packham, of the upcoming TBS series My Boys, have been serious for some time and recently got engaged and are now married. They live in the Hollywood Hills with their three rescue dogs - Jackson, Funsies and Donut.

Congrats Nicole!

That's right, Nicole Sullivan has been cast in yet another pilot, but this one is strikingly different from the last ones. The series is called "Raines", and it is a drama, rather than a comedy. Here is a summary from the Futon Critic:

Luis Guzman ("Luis"), Nicole Sullivan (Chloe Reid on "Hot Properties") and Dov Davidoff (the upcoming Mark Wahlberg-led feature "Invincible") have all joined the cast of the drama pilot, about an eccentric, brilliant cop (Jeff Goldblum) who talks to dead victims that help him solve his cases. No details were given about their respective characters. Graham Yost is behind the NBC Universal Television-based hour, which Frank Darabont is directing.

Quite a turnaround. If picked up, we can expect to see this one next fall. Despite the similarities to a certain other show on the air, hopefully this one makes the cut!

Thank you, Cartman2002, for the scoop.

Nicole Sullivan will be guest starring in an upcoming episode of "Boston Legal". The episode is called "...There's Fire!", and will premiere on Tuesday, February 28 at 10PM EST, so set your TIVO's now! Here's the plot summary, from ABC:

Within three hours of getting married, Denny Crane is caught with another woman and Bev Bridges (Joanna Cassidy) demands an annulment and 50% of her brand new husband’s worth. While the attorneys from Crane, Poole and Schmidt frantically rally around their colleague to rescue him, Bev hires the slick, handsome divorce lawyer Eli Granger (Corbin Bernsen) to represent her. Meanwhile, Alan Shore defends Joan Zeder (Nicole Sullivan), who was fired from her job after being unable to adhere to the company’s strict no-smoking policy.

Wow, Nicole's role sounds intense and deep. Now, don't forget to tune in next Tuesday!

Nicole Sullivan is set to appear on Comedy Central's fairly new talk show "Weekends at the D.L." tomorrow, November 5th. Other guest stars include Anthony Anderson and Rob Zombie. The show airs at 11pm EST.

Too bad the show airs at the exact same time as the new episode of MADtv. Don't forget to set your VCR to record this one!

EDIT: Video clip available here.