Remember that two year period from 1995-1997? Remember when a guy by the name of Artie Lange used to bring us laughs in the form of "My White Mama?" Neither do I, but of course, Mr. Lange can not seem to keep himself out of trouble. For those of you just tuning in, Artie Lange recently experienced what was considered to be a meltdown while on the set of the "Howard Stern Sirius Show." Don't have Sirius? No worries, I don't either (because I’m too lazy and cheap to pay for online radio). Judging from Artie’s current well-being, which seems to be mirroring his behavior during his "MADtv" days, things seem to only get worse based on this article:

"Stern sidekick Artie Lange has been on a self-destructive streak for the better part of the last nine or so months. His weight has been ballooning, his already prolific drug habit has only gotten worse and his on-air behavior has become more erratic than ever before. However, things reached Defcon 6 levels on today's show when Artie flew into a rage, got into a physical confrontation with his personal assistant and abruptly (and from the sounds of it, tearily) resigned from the show."

Arguments between Lange and his personal assistant broke out over traveling accommodations that were made for Amsterdam. The arguments were then reported to have escalated into a discussion about finances. But of course, the madness doesn’t stop there:

"As the argument continued, Lange became enraged and physically lashed out at Teddy, but the physical confrontation was apparently defused by other members in the studio. When Lange returned, he said Teddy would be ‘dead’ had he reached him and he would be in jail."

The drama doesn’t end quite yet, though. Not only did Artie quit the show, but he also decided to go back to his job as the dubious assistant to Mr. Howard Stern:

"In a great conclusion to the great mystery that lots of people couldn't care less about but that a few people care a lot about, Artie Lange returned, contrite and reasonably controlled, to 'The Howard Stern Show...'"

This article goes more in depth on Artie's past behavior on the show, behavior that would result in a time out if he were 5 years old.

Here’s the moral of the story in three words, write this down: get some help. Poor Artie’s self-destructive streak has really begun to take its toll, and all we can do is hope for the best for this MAD alumnus as he continues to hit those brain-cell damaging airwaves from Sirius Radio.

The good news is that Frank Caliendo and Artie Lange will be performing at this year's Comedy Festival in Las Vegas, NV; the bad news is that there may not even be a Comedy Festival in 2008. Still, there is talk that HBO and AEG Live, the hosts of the annual event for the past three years, may pass the torch to TBS in the future rather than simply end the festival altogether. Although nothing is etched in stone so far, the network move would make sense since TBS is currently a big financial supporter of the Comedy Festival. Also, the opportunity to host the Comedy Festival would would work well in the cable network's overall plan to increase its live-comedy broadcasting. In fact, TBS plans to tape Frank Caliendo's performance from this year's Comedy Festival and later air it as a special. Therefore, those not lucky enough to scare up tickets for the festival, which will be held November 14th through November 17th at Caesar's Palace, can still catch Frank's performance on the tube at a later time. (Artie fans will not be as lucky, one presumes.) Other notables who are scheduled to appear during the four-day festival are Jerry Seinfeld, Chris Rock, Ellen DeGeneres, Wanda Sykes, Steve Schirripa, Bill Engvall, Jamie Kennedy and Nick Swardson. Russell Simmons' Def Comedy Jam, moderated by D.L. Hughley, will also appear. Catch Frank and Artie in Vegas while you still can!

UPDATE: According to the information found here, Frank will be performing in the Palace Showroom on Thursday, November 15th, at 12:30pm EST/9:30pm PST. Later that evening, at 2:59am EST/11:59pm PST, Artie will perform in the Augustus Showroom. Oh, and it turns out that Frank fans will not have to wait long after all to see his performance on TV. TBS's schedule indicates that "Frank Caliendo: All over the Place" will air on Friday, November 16th, at 10:00pm EST. Finally, for those who want to delve further into the possible hosting shift for the event, check out this article. (After all, why should the news editor have all the fun?)

Planet MADtv brings you all the Artie Lange news that is fit to print! On Monday, October 29th, at 8:00pm EST, be sure to catch Artie on "LateNet with Ray Ellin," a unique event that merges traditional broadcasting media with a community of online chatters:

"Paltalk has teamed up with DailyComedy.com - a popular comedy website - to bring you this exclusive late-night talk show event, combining a live studio audience with the Paltalk community!

The October 29th installment will feature actor/comedian Artie Lange and radio personality Gary Dell'Abate from 'The Howard Stern Show.' The show will be broadcast live from one of New York's most popular comedy venues, Gotham Comedy Club, where a Paltalk chat room will be simulcast alongside host and comedian Ray Ellin."

New users will need to download Paltalk by using one of the large, orange links on the aforementioned page. Once you are registered, you can interact online with the host, studio audience, and guests. Simply put, if you have ever wanted to share some banter with Mr. Lange, then here is your chance!

If an online experience with Artie is not enough to whet your insatiable appetite, then check him out live at a benefit for the Bob Woodruff Family Fund, an organization that assists injured United States military service members. The event, which runs from November 7th to November 11th, will feature various comedic performers on different nights. Among those scheduled to appear are Sarah Silverman, Joy Behar, Lewis Black, Robin Williams, and Denis Leary. Artie's performance takes place at the New York City Town Hall on November 9th at 8:00pm EST. Check out this page for more information.

Our next newsworthy Artie item involves a book deal. Look for Too Fat to Fish, a collection of Artie's memoirs, to hit bookstores in 2009. Apparently, the book's title was inspired by an incident in which he once told his mother that he was going fishing. She shouted in reply, "You're too fat to fish!" (Of such off-the-cuff remarks are legends made, folks.) Regarding his reason for writing his memoirs, Artie lets a sad truth be known:

"'After reading several books, I thought it would be fun to write one,' Lange said. 'I'm about to turn 40, which for me is the new 70. I have a lot of stories that are both funny and dark and I honestly don't know how much longer I have on this planet. It's time to get this done.'"

For those who have been living on a deserted island since the inception of "MADtv," Artie has had a long history of various health problems including drugs, alcohol, and obesity. Here's hoping that Too Fat to Fish is far from the final word on Mr. Lange. Take care of yourself, Artie -- we want to laugh with you for many more years to come!

In one final bit of news, the aforementioned article also states that Artie plans to stay on "The Howard Stern Show" for at least one more year. His original reason behind the decision to depart was that he simply could not deal with the hectic schedule of a morning radio show, standup comedy, and late-night television gigs. Again, I refer the reader to the well-wishing in the last sentence of the preceding paragraph.

That is all the Artie Lange news for now. Until next time, remember not to break your foot off in anyone's ass. You'll be glad you didn't.

Because things tend to pile up with so many MADtv cast members making their rounds in showbiz (50 and counting), I've decided to kick off what will likely become a regular feature here at the site: "Rapid-Fire Appearances". In short, these articles will dispense with (most of) the usual journalistic fluff and cut straight to the chase on the latest cast appearances set to grace your television/movie screen in the near-future. Got it? Then let's begin!

First off, Artie Lange announced on Conan O'Brien a few weeks back that he will once again be appearing on Rescue Me this season. The usual first-stops for guest star listings -- IMDb, TV.com, et al -- were less than helpful at the time (and still are, in fact), but we've just learned that Artie's first appearance aired on July 25th. He, apparently, has a recurring role, so those who are interested will want to check out tomorrow night's episode. Rescue Me airs at 10:00pm EST Wednesday nights on FX.

Coming to ABC Family this August is Slacker Cats -- a new animated series featuring everyone's favorite long-departed cast members, Nicole Sullivan and Alex Borstein! For the benefit of those who didn't immediately skip ahead to the next item after seeing "ABC Family", here's the overly-detailed synopsis:

"Slacker Cats" follows two buddy cats, Buckley and Eddie, who slack their way through various unimpressive adventures. The half-hour, prime-time animated comedy series features the voices of Harland Williams, Sinbad, Kiersten Warren, Nicole Sullivan, Niecy Nash, Alex Borstein and legendary cult stand-up Emo Philips.

Does the show's prime-time slot indicate that we're in for something potentially appealing to those over the age of six? Tune in next month to find out!

Anyone remember Simon Helberg? Me neither. Nonetheless, this former MADtv featured player has landed himself a gig on the new CBS show, The Big Bang Theory, which features a premise I can only assume was lifted directly from my life:

THE BIG BANG THEORY is a comedy from the Emmy Award nominated Co-Creator and Executive Producer of "Two and a Half Men" Chuck Lorre, about brainy best friends Leonard (Johnny Galecki, "Roseanne") and Sheldon (Jim Parsons "Judging Amy"), who can tell you anything you want to know about quantum physics, but when it comes to dealing with everyday life here on earth they're lost in the cosmos. Neither fully understands that scientific principles don't always apply in matters of the heart - until they meet their sexy new neighbor Penny (Kaley Cuoco, "8 Simple Rules..."), a friendly screenwriter/waitress from the midwest who also happens to be newly single. She quickly makes an impression on the other members of Leonard and Sheldon's geek squad - Howard Wolowitz (Simon Helberg, "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip"), who portrays himself as the Casanova of Cal Tech, and fellow whiz kid Rajesh Koothrappali (Kunal Nayyar, "NCIS"), who is rendered speechless around anyone unprepared to converse about the Theory of Relativity or other scientific jargon. The chemistry between this gaggle of geniuses and a delightful damsel is about to undergo a stimulating series of inter-personal experiments.

The Big Bang Theory, eh? Oh, CBS -- what a wicked web of punnery you weave! Monday nights starting September 24th. 8:30pm EST. CBS. Be there. [Or not.]

Frank Caliendo fans will be pleased to learn that his new show, "The Frank Show" (one of the more imaginative titles to ever come out of Hollywood), is set to premiere on TBS "this fall". November 20th is the tentative premiere date, but this is subject to change between now and then. To whet your appetite, a number of preview clips have been made available for streaming on TBS.com. Why not check them out? Frank would do it for you if *you* were on TV!

Finally, in Phil LaMarr and David Herman news, details on the return of Futurama have finally surfaced! According to TV Squad:

Futurama is back, and now we know in what form. The show will return on November 27th as a full-length high-def film sold on DVD. It will be followed by three additional films, and each film will be divided into four episodes each to be aired on Comedy Central. So, that's 4 DVD movies or 16 new episodes depending on how you look at it.

Exciting news indeed for Futurama fans and nerds in general! I can almost count the number of days before the inevitable leak!

Special thanks go out to mizzimad for the Slacker Cats and Big Bang Theory leads. Join us again next time for another episode of Rapid-Fire Appearances!

The month of May brings many updates regarding MADtv alumni.

First, we have former MADtv castmembers once again working on voices for Family Guy. This includes Nicole Sullivan, Phil Lamarr, and Will Sasso. Will is going to be playing the voice of Randy Newman. It is unsure at this point what voices Nicole and Phil will be doing. The article can be found here.

Will Sasso will also be attending the Ninth Annual Mint Jubilee Gala, alongside many other celebrities, inlcuding Dennis Franz of NYPD Blue, singer and American Idol winner, Ruben Studdard, and Tori Spelling, to name a few. More information can be found here.

According to AnimatedBliss.com, the animated comedy, "Game Over" will be released on DVD in late June. The series revolves around a video game family, which features Artie Lange as the voice of the family's purple, cigar smoking pet.

Michael McDonald and Stephnie Weir will be appearing in a staging of A. R. Gurney's "The Dining Room" from the 4th to the 16th of July at the Cape Playhouse in Dennis, Massachusetts. More about this can be found here. Many thanks go out to Raphaela for this information.

And finally, according to this article, Bryan Callen will reprise his role as Vic on "Seventh Heaven."

There you have it, folks. More updates regarding these bits of information will be revealed as they come.

Thanks to MJB12 for the heads up.

According to this FutonCritic.com press release, there will only be five more new episodes of MADtv this season; 23 episodes in total instead of the normal 25.

The April 23rd episode (#1019) has no guest star announced, but will include a "Pimp My Ride" parody entitled "Pimp My Bride", with Jordan Peele as the host, Xzibit.

In the April 30th episode (#1020) we will see the second return of Artie Lange this season in a parody of Inside the Actors Studio, with Paul Vogt as host James Lipton.

In the first episode of May Sweeps (#1021) on May 7th, Arrested Development's Tony Hall and Michael Cera take a late-night break from the Bluths to provide a sophisticated accent and look in a British version of COPS - "C.O.N.S.T.A.B.L.E.S."

Ryan Reynolds' appearance that was canned a few months ago will finally surface in the episode before the season finale (#1022), on May 14th. He will appear in a new installment of "The B.S," where he plays a new security guard who wears really tight pants.

And as the season draws to a close, we will once again see Nicole Sullivan return for a season finale, along with the star of "Joan of Arcadia," Amber Tamblyn. This season finale (#1023) will air on May 21st.

And there you have it. Seems that some of the forum members predictions that this season might be cut short was true after all. However, it's only two episodes, and the new season is not too far away.

Thanks go out to the ever helpful PitaPockets for bringing this to my attention.

An Artie Lange project previously thought to have been postponed indefinitely has recently come back to life.

The New York Business Wire announced in a press release today that Ckrush Entertainment, Inc. ("CKP" or the "Company") has signed a deal memorandum for the rights acquisition, production and financing for "Beer League", a feature film to star none other than MADtv's very own Artie Lange. The script was co-written by Artie and Frank Sebastiano, a former writer for Saturday Night Live and The Chris Rock Show, who will make his directorial debut with Beer League.

Here is a small plot outline from the article, which can be viewed here:

"Beer League is about a dysfunctional softball team trying to win back their pride both on and off the field. It's loaded with laugh out loud, belly cramping adult humor."

While similar plots to this one have been done in the past, this still sounds pretty promising. I really hope it gets produced and released.

Here's a mini update to keep you informed with the upcoming appearances of a few castmembers.

Bryan Callen will be appearing in The Still Life as "Art Dealer #1". The release date is set for the 1st of July 2005. Keep checking back for updates at IMDB, as there is not much information currently circulating about this project.

Simon Helberg will appear in Bickford Shmeckler's Cool Ideas as "Al". Here's the plot outline from IMDB:

When his journal of bright ideas is stolen, college freshman Bickford Schmeckler (Patrick Fugit) has to blanket the campus in order to locate it.

Phil Lamarr will make a rare physical appearance in a movie, rather than appearing in voice only. He will play a news anchor in Sky High, a family action / comedy about a young superhero named Will Stronghold who is trying to find a balance between being a normal teenager and an extraordinary being in a world where superheroes are common. This movie is set for release in the United States on the 29th of July 2005.

And finally, Artie Lange has 2 movie appearances coming up. The first is Catch and Release, a drama romance about a woman who "struggles to accept the death of her husband and the secrets he kept from her as she rebuilds her life". This movie stars Jennifer Garner of Alias fame. Artie will be playing "Bill" and is the only actor (other than Ms. Garner) currently known to be in this movie.

Artie will also be appearing in Waltzing Anna, a comedy set for release this year. No other information is currently known about this movie.