[MADtv] Kenny Rogers Super Bowl Half-time Salute (#414)

[Viper]

Kenny Rogers – Will Sasso
Garth Brooks – Andrew Bowen
Lyle Lovett – Pat Kilbane
Magic Johnson – Aries Spears
LeAnn Rimes – Nicole Sullivan
(Singing Voice) - Debra Wilson
Engineer - ????
Director - ????

Kenny: Hi I’m Kenny Rogers;



you know every year the good folks at the NFL ask me if I would like to host the Super Bowl Halftime Show.
And every year I turn them down flat,
I say, I like to spend Super Bowl Sunday with my friends
And this year they said, “Why don’t you bring your friend’s along with you?”
And I said hey that’s a good idea
And they said, “We know, it was our idea.”
And I said, I know, I was standing right here when you said it.
So anyway to make a long story short…..I SAID YES!
So Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to a little show we like to call:

The
Kenny Rogers
Super Bowl
Half Time Salute
To the little Country that could:
AMERICA

Hey look everyone it’s my fishin’ pal, Garth Brooks
(Shake hands)

Garth: Wooooo, Yeah!

Kenny: How ya doin’ Garth?

Garth: I’m doing just fine Kenny, thanks for asking
I’m really looking forward to our Duet, if I haven’t told you already, thanks for inviting me onto your big show.



Kenny: Well thanks for coming out (pushes Garth off the stage)
Garth Brooks Ladies and Gentlemen ha, ha, ha, ha

Hey we got a lot more show to do, so come on
Hey look everyone, it’s singing song writing sensation KD Lang



Lyle: Actually Kenny I’m Lyle Lovett

Kenny: now what was that song you did, that I loved, that song you did with Roy Orbison?

Lyle: uh, actually that was KD Lang

Kenny: yeah I know, that’s what I’m sayin’
Lyle: I’m Lyle Lovett

Kenny: Yeah I loved it too, made me cry like a baby
HEY THAT’S WHAT IT WAS CALLED, CRYING, CRYING LIKE A BABY!

Lyle: uh, Kenny you’re thinking of KD Lang

Kenny: I’m mostly thinking about Breakfast but let’s try to stay on topic here
And what’s that I heard about you, you know, that you hate children?

Lyle: No, I love children and I’m Lyle Lovett, you invited me here to sing a song with you.

Kenny: Well heck, let’s hit it

(Cue music, Kenny starts singing):

I was ok, yes I was
I was ok, just because

Lyle: But when I look in your eyes
and I see that you cried
Ask me why and I



Kenny: ah bull, she’s got the voice of an angel, too bad she’s gotta go ha ha ha (Pushes Lyle of the stage)



Not now Garth (pushes Garth off the stage again)

You Know for a show that’s supposed to be about America and Football
It’s kinda weird but we ain’t mentioned a either one ha ha ha



But here to reminate that is your good friend and mine, Magic Johnson!

Debra Singing (Voice): Are you Ready for Half-Time!
Are you Ready for Half-Time!?

Magic: Oooooh, Kenny you know you sure are crazy

Kenny: ah, man, I’m crazy about you, just DARN CRAZY!
Hey I understand you have a special surprise for our Super Bowl Half Time Salute



Magic: That’s right Kenny, I’m gonna read to all the millions of people watching
The Declamation Of Independence

Kenny: Well let’s hop to it

Magic: Alright, now, in the course…of humid events it…….it bec….it becomes….. neesah sary



That…we…are tall men
That uh… creepy, creepy tall evil men

(Kenny turns to the other camera)


Kenny: While Magic is working his magic I’m gonna take a little break ado
You sit tight, Magic Johnson!



(takes a swig from his hipflask,
takes a walk off the stage where Garth is standing,
Kenny taps him on the arm):

Hey ain’t you Garth Brooks?

(Kenny turns to the an engineer)

Hi I’m Kenny Rogers watchu doin’?

Engineer: Hey Kenny, I’m just hooking up these cables

Kenny: can I try?

Engineer: Sure
(gives Kenny the wires, Kenny connects them together)

Kenny: Hey that wasn’t so hard, that was fun.

(the Engineer smiles and starts eating a cookie, Kenny looks over him)

Kenny: Hey watchu eatin’ there!?



Engineer: A cookie

Kenny: Is it good!?

Engineer: Yeah, do you wanna bite?



Kenny: Oh no, my wife would kill me, heh, heh, heh
(takes another swig from his hipflask)

Director: Hey Kenny, little Magic’s starting to panic out there

Kenny: Alright!

(Cut to Magic looking very nervous, still trying to read)


Magic: Nieces and Nephews
(he’s getting hot under the collar)
Uh, one native

(cut back to Kenny watching the Engineer eating his cookie)



Kenny: Can I have a bite?

(the Engineer gives Kenny the cookie and Kenny takes a huge bite)
and with his mouth full:



Mmmmm TASTES GOOOOD!

(he hands what’s left of the cookie back to the engineer,
grabs Garth brooks and pushes him onto the stage, where Magic is still struggling to read)



Kenny: (with his mouth full) Ladies and Gentlemen Magic Johnson!
Thanks Magic!

Magic: Alright Thank you, my work here is done

Kenny: Ladies and Gentlemen, one more time for Magic Johnson

Oh look at who’s coming now, Ladies and Gentlemen, LeAnn Rimes!



LeAnn: Hey Kenny, I just wanna say, it sure is an honour to meet you

Kenny: aww you’re gonna make me blush
Are we gonna sing a duet together?



LeAnn: Sure thing Kenny I thought we could do some yodelling,
Hit it
(cue the music which is the same theme tune as Paul Timberman’s workshop)
Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel,

Kenny: What’s that you’re doing there?

LeAnn: Why I’m yodelling Kenny

Kenny: Well do it again!

LeAnn: Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel,



Kenny: Hey that’s real funny, can I try?

LeAnn: Of course Kenny

Kenny: Dooloo doo doo loo doo loo ha ha ha, whoa man that’s hysterical
Ladies and Gentlemen the comedy stylings of LeAnn Rimes

LeAnn: Kenny I thought we were gonna sing a duet?

Garth: Yeah, Kenny when are we gonna do our duet?
(Kenny grabs garth by his shirt)



Kenny: NOT NOW GARTH!
Alright looks like we’re just about out of time
I’d like to thank all my Guests, KD Lang and all the other ones.



Enjoy the rest of the Indy 500 Goodbye!
Ha, ha, do it again, do it again,

LeAnn: Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel, Yodel,



Kenny: Ha, Ha, OH ha, ha ha hah

(Kenny grabs his crotch, laughs so hard he nearly pees himself, he runs off the stage looking for a place to pee,



but he can’t find a toilet,



so ends up peeing against the stage facing Leanne and Garth, who covers LeAnn’s eyes with his Cowboy hat.)