MADtv: Best of Christmas Sketches Spectacularly Special Spectacular Wraparound(#1409)
Announcer (Never Seen): Bill Vogel
Connie Chung: Bobby Lee
Barack Obama: Keegan-Michael Key
(When something is in brackets and italicized, that means that it is a descriptive moment).
This transcript contains the wraparounds only. All encore sketches not included.
(The MADtv stage has a chimney set with 2 chairs in front of it).
Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen please welcome Connie Chung.
(Connie comes down the chimney in a bra and panties).
Connie Chung: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Chris- Son of a bitch! Wow that was awkward. That didn't work out the way I wanted (laughs). Ok, sit. Good evening I'm Connie Chung. And this is my underwear. Tonight as I house the special look at the best of MADtv's holiday sketches, I will also be conducting a fireside television interview. Sure my job now is refilling orange chicken at the Panda Time buffet on Route 1, but I use to be a journalist. And tonight, I will journalise like never before. Please welcome my interview guest. My very good friend and president elect Barack Obama!
(Barack walks out stage left).
Barack Obama: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you (Connie tries to touch him). That's enough. Just stop right there. Thank you. I first want to make it clear, that I am very grateful to be here, so thank you.
Connie Chung: I heard that soul brother.
Barack Obama: And uh, more importantly, I want to say that I am not Connie's good friend. Um, I uh, lost a bet with Joe Biden. He's going to be on Meet the Press, and I am here so.
Connie Chung: Let's get to the interview. Question number 1. Why do I let Maury talk me into 3 ways with drifters?
Barack Obama: Uh, uh.
Connie Chung: Uh, uh excuse me that's from my journal. Um sorry (laughs). When parallel parking, do you need to use the turn signal? Uh, that's from my DMV test to get my licence back, sorry (Connie goes through cards). Shopping list no.
Barack Obama: Perhaps you need a few minutes to prepare.
Connie Chung: You're right. In my underwear, asking the wrong questions, I've never been more humiliated.
(Starts to cry).
Barack Obama: Uh, I find that hard to believe. It's uh. So America, enjoy this holiday moment, and we will be back with more of our interview.
(Cut. Connie is now in her uniform from her job at Panda Time).
Connie Chung: My dress was ruined last segment, but luckily I go straight from here to my shift at Panda Time, and I had my uniform in the back of my Vega.
Barack Obama: Alright.
Connie Chung: Now on to the hard hitting questions ok. You have been criticized for your lack of foreign policy experience so I want to know this. Do you think I'm pretty.
Barack Obama: You know Connie, I would much prefer to share anecdotes about how my family and I are going to celebrate Christmas.
Connie Chung: I didn't think Mooslem's celebrated Christmas.
Barack Obama: Ok, well Connie I am not a Mooslem, or a Muslim. I uh. I, I am a Christian.
Connie Chung: Right, and I'm a high school graduate.
Barack Obama: Ok, you know why don't we take a break from having to talk while you all watch this.
(Cut. Coming back from the Maury and Connie's All-Star Christmas Spectacular #1 sketch from episode #1209).
Barack Obama: Wow! What a proud moment for you that was.
Connie Chung: You have no idea, back to the interview my friend. What will you get Michelle for Christmas this year?
Barack Obama: Uh, were not exchanging gifts. Instead we want to celebrate the season by uh, donating our time to local charities.
Connie Chung: I see. And are you broke or just cheap?
Barack Obama: Well actually uh Michelle and I find this kind of giving, uh of our time together more valuable than any gift.
Connie Chung: Yeah, Maury's pretty romantic like that too.
Barack Obama: Oh that's nice. What will he get you?
Connie Chung: Every year it's the same thing you know. 1 roofie so I can knock myself out and forget what he's about to do to me.
Barack Obama: That's wonderful, yeah.
Connie Chung: I mean it's an exit not an entrance, if you catch my drift.
Barack Obama: Hmm, ok um Connie I'd rather not catch your drift, or anything else you might have. So uh, let's just watch this instead.
(Cut. Connie is now naked).
Connie Chung: Well that's our show. I feel like we learned a lot from my interview.
Barack Obama: A, and Connie you do know your naked right?
Connie Chung: Fox said I couldn't wear the Panda Time uniform because if was free advertising. Whatever.
Barack Obama: Alright well, uh on that Christmassy note, I hope you enjoy yourselves at home, far more than I did here. Merry Christmas to all.
Connie Chung: And to all a good night!
Rise from the Dead!
Planet MADtv (August 28th 2002- August 28th 2009, August 28th 2010)
best obama impression ever
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