Grand Theft Auto, The Game Show (#818)
Rod Roddy - Frank Caliendo
Lyle Chuckerson - Ron Pederson
Cathy Borden - Stephnie Weir
Toby Warimoto - Bobby Lee
Tom Keever - Paul Vogt
Jane - Christina Moore
Policeman, Prostitute, Homeless Man - Extras
(Game-like images of car crashes and shootings)
Rod Roddy voiceover: From the makers of America's most popular video game comes America's favourite new game show.
(Cut to studio audience)
Audience: (pumping fists as they shout) Grand Theft Auto!
(Cut to the three contestants at their podiums and then to Rod Roddy on his chair)
Rod Roddy: And here's your host, Lyyyyyyle Chuckerson!
(Lyle runs onto the stage, laughing)
Lyle: Fantastic! Thanks Rod Roddy. (He flips his microphone into the air in front of him then catches it again) Hey folks welcome to Grand Theft Auto, the game show where our contestants play for big prizes and kill hookers! Let's meet our contestants now!
(Cut to the contestants)
Cathy: Hi I'm Cathy Borden, mother of three and part-time secretary at our local church. I collect potato chips that look like celebrities! (audience applauds)
Toby: Hi I'm Toby Warimoto. I'm a freshman at Powell (?) High School. Aside from playing video games, I enjoy playing with my Gameboy and playing games on my PC and my Xbox. (he claps and the audience applauds)
Tom: Hi, I'm Tom Keever. I am in the music industry, I am a cashier at Coconuts Records at Donners Drove (?) Illinois. I have a cocker spaniel named Bud and we enjoy watching Judging Amy. (audience applauds)
Lyle: (laughing) Fantastic! Rod Roddy tell our contestants about their mission.
Rod Roddy: Sure Lyle. There's a nightclub at the top of the audience, your mission is to go there (cut to the nightclub where an extra is standing and holding a suitcase labelled 'COCAINE'), retrieve a suitcase full of cocaine and make it safely back to your podium. But look out (cut to the policeman, prostitute and homeless man standing on the stage stairs), the audience is filled with some interesting characters - a cop, a prostitute and a homeless man. (The three of them wave to the camera as the audience applauds. Cut back to Lyle)
Lyle: Fantastic. Let's go to the weapons wheel.
(Lyle walks over to the wheel and joins the hostess Jane)
Jane: I'll spin the wheel and then you'll know what weapon you take with you to get that blow.
(She spins the wheel as the audience cheers. The camera cuts to Cathy, Toby, Tom and Rod Roddy as the wheel spins for an especially long time. It finally stops)
Lyle: Fantastic. (Jane wheels the weapons to the podiums) Cathy gets a chainsaw, Toby gets a baseball bat and Tom gets a Magnum. Good for you. Alright contestants. Ready, set -
(Cathy starts her chainsaw early and attacks Toby with it, while she is doing this blood splatters onto her clothes and the audience cheers)
Rod Roddy: Look at that! Cathy's jumped the clock with her chainsaw from Sears Krassman (?) where dependibility is job one. Uh oh, it doesn't look so dependible after all. (the chainsaw stops) It must've gotten jammed up with Toby's guts. That gives Tom the opportunity to head for the stairs and go to the nightclub. Look out Tom there's a homeless man.
(Tom runs to the stage stairs as the audience cheers. He stops by the homeless man)
Tom: Get a job, in hell! (he shoots him and two audience members stand up)
Tom: Stop looking at me! (he shoots the audience members)
Rod Roddy: Uh oh, there go two audience members. Now that's a killer with ambition.
(Meanwhile onstage Cathy heads for Toby's baseball bat and grabs it from his lifeless body)
Lyle: Here's Cathy. Now just a second Cathy that is not your weapon.
Rod Roddy: Looks like she's gone to grab the baseball bat.
(Cathy runs over to Lyle and hits him in the knee and the back of the head with the bat. He falls to the ground as she hits him in the back. Cut to the audience standing and cheering)
Rod Roddy: And Lyle's down! The audience is loving it! (Cathy then hits Jane, who falls down. She continues to hit Lyle and Jane while the audience cheers wildly) There goes Jane! That's enough Cathy, both of them are dead!
(Cathy hits both Lyle and Jane one more time each)
Rod Roddy: Well Cathy's finally done clubbing Lyle and is on her way to the nightclub. (Cathy runs up the stairs to where Tom is kissing the prostitute, and hits them both to the ground) Go get that booger sugar Cathy! No, she didn't! I can't believe it, she took out the street walker and now she's grabbing the money!
(Cathy takes the money from Tom's pocket and clubs the policeman as she runs back to the stage)
Rod Roddy: The audience is going wild, she's hit the cop! I can't believe it! (Cathy heads to where Rod Roddy is sitting) Oh boy, this doesn't look good. I'm going down -
(She hits him with the bat and he's knocked off the chair while he screams)
Rod Roddy: (from the floor) We'll be right back with the second half - (Cathy throws the bat at him from off-screen) Ow! - of -
Audience: Grand Theft Auto!
(Cathy is now standing in the middle of the stage with two guns and starts firing into the audience. The scene freezes and a 'disclaimer' appears)
Voiceover: MAD TV apologizes for the excessive violence in the preceding skit. However, we thought it was necessary to edu-tain our audience on America's unhealthy obsession with violent video games, such as "Grand Theft Auto Vice City", available from Rock Star Games. In stores now. Enjoy!
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...So long and thanks for all the fish...
There's a tugboat, huh, huh, down by the river dontcha know
Where a cement bag’s just a'drooppin' on down
Oh, that cement is just, it's there for the weight, dear
Five'll get ya ten old Macky’s back in town
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